New here difficult child with- ADHD, ODD, Encopresis Need Help!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by 3rdGear, May 23, 2007.

  1. 3rdGear

    3rdGear New Member

    Hi. I'm new to this site and am happy to have found so many others with similar situations. I am a 26 (almost 27) year old mom of 2: difficult child-8.5 y/o (son) diagnosis ADHD, ODD, encopresis and probable underlying medical issues with the encopresis that have yet to be diagnosis'd, currently taking 15mg Atterol in a.m.; easy child-19 months (daughter) cute as can be but developing a temper. difficult child loves his sister, but is now teaching her to repeat his behaviors. I feel like I wake up screaming at him and go to bed the same way. He is chronically disrespectful of his dad (husband-31) and I as well as property, his own and others, drawing on walls, throwing things cutting things with scissors. He refuses to take any responsibility for his actions, everything is always someone elses fault regardless of what it is. He gets violent at times when he doesn't get his way. Was almost hospitalized once a few months back, but my insurance would only cover $100/day of the $6000 price tag so we couldn't financially do it. The encopresis has been going on for almost 3 years with little to no improvement simply due to the fact that he doesn't want to try. We have been in counseling twice (once for a period of 1 year weekly first then bi-weekly) and now weekly for the last 3 months. We've gotten to the point where the therapists have almost given up because nothing seems to be working. My insurance benefites have run out and we are having to pay out of pocket and I'm at my end. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm afraid my easy child will learn from example to be like my difficult child and I don't think I could handle 2. If anyone is in the Chicago area and knows of any good programs or any financial helps I would appreciate any help you could give me. Sorry this has been so long.
  2. neednewtechnique

    neednewtechnique New Member

    Welcome to the board!! As most others here will say, SORRY that you had to find us, but so glad you did!! ADHD and ODD is such a nightmare of a combination, one that is draining enough to make a parent or difficult child go crazy!! When our difficult child moved in with us several months ago, we were instructed that the best way to deal with her meltdowns, or "rage fits" as her therapist called them, was to send her to her room and let her ride it out. She said it was very important that there not be valuable breakable objects there so that she didn't destroy anything, but then she turned her anger on herself and started doing things that were unsafe, and we were not able to leave her by herself to let her ride it out in her room. If your son is NOT a danger to himself, then this may be a good place to start. Make his room a "safe haven" for him to go and vent. If he IS a possible danger to himself and cannot be left alone, then this has to become the number one priority and take precedence over all of the other undesireable behaviors. Once you have accomplished that, it will be much easier to work on the other stuff. Trust me, the BEST thing that my husband and I did for ourselves AND for our difficult child was INSIST on the safety issue. It makes life easier for the WHOLE FAMILY, including the difficult child, if he or she can be sent someplace away from everyone else to calm down. Without this, I don't know where we would be now, probably totally insane!! On another note, you have found a great group here, and if you ever need anything, there is ALWAYS someone that has "been there, done that" and can offer great advice and comfort and support.
  3. branbran

    branbran New Member

    Hello and welcome. I'm pretty new as well. This site has been amazing, so glad I found it. It really has helped me cope a great deal. It makes a difference to talk to people who are going through the same things. You are not alone anymore. Everyone here is wonderful, full of advice and warm wishes.

    I can understand the roller coaster of emotions you go through daily. That is a ride I can't seem to get off!!!

    As far as the insurance goes, my difficult child daughter has been literally kicked out of the hospital too soon on many occasions. Very frustrating. Not fair. Then again what is fair when your dealing with these kinds of kids? This is a very hard life. I have been going through this for many years and I'm sure many more to come. Good days and bad days. Unfortunately for me - many more bad days!!!! I have been lucky, I have come across quite a few great people, who really want to help my difficult child. Even the courts have worked in my favor. Keeping my finger's crossed, it's not over yet. My difficult child is 16 and in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (3rd one). She started out ADHD and has progressed to BiPolar (BP)/Conduct Disorder. What a fun combo!! So I have some peace in my household, but can't find peace within. It just hurts too much!!!!!!!!!!!

    Just being able to come and vent on this site makes such a big difference. Hang in there. :smile:
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Hello and welcome, neighbor! (I'm in the burbs too!)

    As has been already said, sorry you had to find us, but this is a wonderful place. Glad you did find us. There are many warrior moms & dads with much widsom and advice.

    Have you read the book, "The Explosive Child"? If not, get your hands on it YESTERDAY. It is not a cure, but it really gives some insight into the minds of our difficult children and some fantastic techniques as to handling them.

    Keep posting, there is always someone here who has been there, done that (been there done that). Warm hugs and prayers to you and your family. Again, welcome!
  5. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Welcome to this site. I am also in the Chicago burbs, and we received counseling for our difficult child through Metropolitan Family Services. They have several offices in the suburbs, and they received a grant from the state to provide counseling to adoptive families without any cost. You didn't mention being an adoptive family, but if either of your children are adopted this would be a good place to start. Good luck.
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to the site! You will get some good advice. Please take some time to read through the Archives, I know there is info on Encropesis - if you want you can do a user search for 'Estherfromjerusalem' then 'show posts' and look for the oldest ones.

    Here is a link to the description of a multi-disciplinary evaluation - have you had something like this done?

    One thing I know for sure - parenting a difficult child is very difficult so you need to be good to yourself. I literally lost myself for a few years. Frankly, I do not remember anything except difficult child-related issues. Sad.

    It was helpful for me to realize it was OK to change my parenting techniques. It was OK to parent in a non-traditional way. Was it comfortable for me? NO! But, I tried other ways of parenting and I did have better results than before I changed things. It is hard to punish a difficult child. When my home became a battle ground - with my child - I realized that could not continue. I stopped grounding for every little thing I was trying to teach her that she defied. I picked a few things to work on. Mostly safety items. This is what is taught in 'The Explosive Child' - get the book.
  7. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member

    Welcome to the board, but I'm sorry for your reason for needing to seek us out. :::hugs::: You've found a great group!
  8. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Encopresis is fairly common in children with disorders. It's one of those really trying problems for parents -- particularly when it appears to stimulant from willfulness.

    My son had bouts of this. It tended to coincide with his emotional state. When all was right in his world, encopresis wasn't a problem. When it would on-set, it was one of his symptoms.

    I used to think it was a symptom of a PTSD. I don't really know anymore -- just that somehow it is connected. When he has an episode, he regresses across the board: behaviorally, academically, socially, etc. Problems once resolved via numerous therapies reocur. Maybe difficult child's is more related to the Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) -- don't know. is by Dr. Russel Barkley. He's one of the leading experts on ADHD. It's a "must read" in my opinion.

    If your child is having behavioral or academic problems in school, the Special Education forum on this site can help you learn about your's and your son's educational rights, the school district evaluation process, etc.

    Welcome aboard!
  9. beebee

    beebee New Member

    I am very new to this site and also to Forums. I have read many postings and I don't know that difficult child stands for.

    I am here to get some advice and some input. my 18 year old son, who will hopefully graduate from high school this May, has always been very difficult. He has outburst of temper, is definetly ODD, possibly bi polar, and has refused to take his medication for the past 3 years. This of course has led to increase usage of marijuana and most recently some selling activities. We have done the junevinile intervention route, counseling, rehab... and now I go to Alanon once in a while. He was talking about going away to college (out of the country) and we were even willing to pay for it, thinking it would help him grow up a little. Now he is saying that he is not ready to go away to college and that he will attend the local university... personally I think he doesn't want to loose his network of pot customers.

    Presently we look the other way, just so he graduates. He has often sabotage himself just trying to teach us a lesson. So ODD..

    Thanks for who ever replies.