PennyFromTheBlock
Active Member
Short story: I raised two children alone. daughter is 24, difficult child is 21. He is ADHD, ODD, and I suspect Antisocial Personality Disorder (he fits all the traits).
I'm such a dumb pushover. Given that I was alone all these years, I've always tried to alleviate what they DIDN'T have (a father) and tried to live and provide in such a way that they could see that while not perfect, not horrible upbringing either.
difficult child is 21 and acts about 14 or 15. Finished all his credits for high school in 2011, just didn't pass the state test so he didn't graduate. since then he has gotten and lost some very good jobs, has been aggressive (punch holes in walls) and most recently in february of this year I discovered that he had stolen and sold all of my handbags. (expensive handbags). He lied, of course, and I filed a police report. It wasn't until the detective called him that he admitted that he did it. I didn't file charges (which I now regret). But that act, was just too much. I had been considering, now that my kids were growing moving to another town. I travel 99% of the time for my job and am really only home on weekends anyway- why not move where I am most of the time? But I stayed where I was because I "wanted to provide as much help as possible to difficult child to get on his feet". What a fool. So, I moved out of the house. All my stuff. I couldn't travel every sunday and wonder what was left when I got back? He stayed there a while, then moved to his sisters. She has since had enough (last week) and made him leave, so now he is back at the empty house (not listed yet- trying to do fixes/updates to the house as much as possible during the 1 full day a week I'm home each week). Up to this point, "Kicking him out" wouldn't work because i was gone- and even if I had taken key, he wouldn't have left. I see now that I "justified" letting him live there because I was afraid that trying to make him leave would result in him destroying my property or my daughters.
last week I discovered that he has stolen from a family member. I mean.....why? I was literally sick while out of town- nauseous and unable to sleep. I couldn't BELIEVE this was happening again. So I've told him a lie that I'm listing the house next week, and he can't live there while it's listed (He doesn't know any different or better).
There are many things I could have done better as his mother. I know that I tried. I really did. He knows right or wrong. After reading here for the last 3 days - I've started my new mantra- he is 21 years old and the things he does or is doing are choices he is making. I do not own his choices. He must realize that his choices have caused his current situation- "thisclose" to no place to live, no job, nothing. I've done all I can.
I'm literally worn out and want to move away RIGHT NOW. Just run away and be done.
I'm such a dumb pushover. Given that I was alone all these years, I've always tried to alleviate what they DIDN'T have (a father) and tried to live and provide in such a way that they could see that while not perfect, not horrible upbringing either.
difficult child is 21 and acts about 14 or 15. Finished all his credits for high school in 2011, just didn't pass the state test so he didn't graduate. since then he has gotten and lost some very good jobs, has been aggressive (punch holes in walls) and most recently in february of this year I discovered that he had stolen and sold all of my handbags. (expensive handbags). He lied, of course, and I filed a police report. It wasn't until the detective called him that he admitted that he did it. I didn't file charges (which I now regret). But that act, was just too much. I had been considering, now that my kids were growing moving to another town. I travel 99% of the time for my job and am really only home on weekends anyway- why not move where I am most of the time? But I stayed where I was because I "wanted to provide as much help as possible to difficult child to get on his feet". What a fool. So, I moved out of the house. All my stuff. I couldn't travel every sunday and wonder what was left when I got back? He stayed there a while, then moved to his sisters. She has since had enough (last week) and made him leave, so now he is back at the empty house (not listed yet- trying to do fixes/updates to the house as much as possible during the 1 full day a week I'm home each week). Up to this point, "Kicking him out" wouldn't work because i was gone- and even if I had taken key, he wouldn't have left. I see now that I "justified" letting him live there because I was afraid that trying to make him leave would result in him destroying my property or my daughters.
last week I discovered that he has stolen from a family member. I mean.....why? I was literally sick while out of town- nauseous and unable to sleep. I couldn't BELIEVE this was happening again. So I've told him a lie that I'm listing the house next week, and he can't live there while it's listed (He doesn't know any different or better).
There are many things I could have done better as his mother. I know that I tried. I really did. He knows right or wrong. After reading here for the last 3 days - I've started my new mantra- he is 21 years old and the things he does or is doing are choices he is making. I do not own his choices. He must realize that his choices have caused his current situation- "thisclose" to no place to live, no job, nothing. I've done all I can.
I'm literally worn out and want to move away RIGHT NOW. Just run away and be done.