Hello, everyone. I'm glad I found this forum. I did some reading last night and appreciate how supportive everyone is. I'm here because my 15 year old son is the child who is the difficult child right now. I will be working on my signature so everyone knows what I'm dealing with, but it'll take a while. =) I have 6 kids. My 21 year old son has been a difficult child pretty much his entire life. He was diagnosed with ADHD on 3 occasions, the first time around 3 years old. He got into some serious trouble right before he turned 13 and spent 3 years in our juvenile correctional system followed by 1 year in a group home. The psychiatrist that evaluated him for court said that if he were an adult, she would label him as being a sociopath. After he came home, he had little interest in school but he missed only enough to not impact his graduating. He had no desire to go to college, so he started working, but has not been able to hold a job for very long. He currently lives in another state, which is good, because at this point, I am extremely impatient with his attitude and I have limited contact with him (my choice). My 16 (almost 17) year old daughter is a challenge because she lacks ambition. She recently got fired from her first job for not working all of the hours assigned to her. She squeaks by in school. She says she's going to go to college to be an art teacher, but her grades are going to seriously limit what colleges she can attend. She has ONE extracurricular activity once a week and would spend all of her time lying on the couch if we allowed it. My 10 year old daughter is a easy child -- driven, type A, excellent grades, works hard at her extracurricular activity. The only problem we have with her is that she can be a drama queen and she's very emotional these days. The 16yo and 15yo seem to live to torment her. My 3 (almost 4) year old son is a easy child because he's not old enough to get into a lot of trouble, and my almost 8 month old son is also a easy child because, well, he's a baby. I also have an SO that I've been with for 5 years, an ex-husband (father of the 16yo, 15yo and 10yo) that I get along with reasonably well and his wife who has no kids of her own but is really involved with ours. We are very lucky because the 4 parents are excellent at pulling together when there's trouble, and the stepparents' opinions are just as valuable and valid as those of us parents. So, my 15yo is the reason I'm here. About 6 months ago, I found out he was smoking pot; I found out from 21yoGfg. I confronted 15yoGfg and he said he didn't do it that often, but would quit. He also told some of his friends via FaceBook emails that he quit. I have suspected that he was using again for about a month, month and a half. Yesterday morning, I had access to his FaceBook page (the one he set up for his friends to use, but not his family) and I read his emails. He has been using pot again, drinking and on at least one occasion, he took "some pills" that messed him up. He is also dealing; he's the middle man between his dealer and his friends, which he thinks isn't a big deal, but in my humble opinion, dealing is dealing. It appears that he is also having some sort of sexual relationship with various girls, although it seems limited to activities that do not include actual intercourse. The 4 parents met yesterday and decided on a plan of action. Both 15yoGfg and 16yo daughter lost their cell phones. Our daughter lost hers because we knew that when they've lost their phones in the past, they got around that by using the other's phone. I should note here that daughter is also currently in some trouble because she was with some friends who shoplifted from Walmart and we are still waiting to see if daughter will be charged. She claims that she had no knowledge of the shoplifting, but I am still not sure what to believe, due to her history of lying to me. The kids also have lost access to computers in the two homes, unless there is a specific school assignment and then they will be supervised. SM is calling the insurance on Monday to find out what types of counseling are covered. We are going to find outpatient treatment for 15yoGfg, even though I know that the success rate is not terrific. We're not sure if we've caught this in time to make a difference, but he IS in denial, so I'm afraid an inpatient program would be a waste of time and money right now. We have also set a zero-tolerance policy for hitting each other, which we should have done in the past. At my house, the 3 kids will actually get into physical confrontations and a lot of the time this involves 15yoGfg hurting 10yo daughter. I have made it clear that if difficult child hurts his sisters, I will call the police and have him charged with domestic violence. Ex-husband supports me in this. So, yeah, we have some serious challenges here. I'm still kind of shell-shocked because I have no clue if we handled things well or if we're doing the right thing and it hurts me to think that the kids may be thinking that we don't love them because we're being "mean." I would much rather be mean and get them straight, and I'm ok with tough love, but it's awful.