Gosh! We should meet in real life. It seems like we are living VERY similar lives. And yes, kids on the Spectrum can be very social but they don't always understand all the implied rules. One day, V told me: "I want to play with the other kids but they don't tell me how".
2 years ago my life was a total chaos, but thanks to this board, slowly we were able to do things differently and regain some normalcy.
You won't be able to work on every single issues all at once, but you can pick one and ask for specific advise. Try to implement it, adjust it according to reaction and parsist a bit before you can judge of its results.
V went through a "blue phase". He drove me crazy!!! I one day decided it was not worth the fight and slowly it disapeared. Some issues are not worth the battle and actually, trying to "fix" them will only make it worse.
It takes a lot of patience raising kids like ours, and believe me I'm still learning to be more patient!
Last night, V was taping on my arm "Mom, Mom, Mom," on and on. I paused and reminded him to wait until I'm done talking with Dad. He kept going but ignored him until I was done (you know the Big Bang theory, Sheldon keeps on knocking at Penny's door until she opens it? same thing here). Then I ask him what he wants to say. He goes "I'm full, I can't finish my pizza".
ARGH!!! You had to interrupt us for THAT???? Sure, ultimately it is just a small little quirk, but it can be SO annoying....
Has your oldest been checked for Auditory Processing Disorders (APD)? Auditory Processing Issues. It is hard to find an Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) audiologist when the child is only 5, but it would be worth checking into.
It comes with the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) in V's case, but he has sensory processing, auditory processing and visual processing issues. The sensory is pretty much under control right now thanks to Occupational Therapist (OT), he will get a personal FM system on Wednesday and has speech in order to help with Auditory Processing Disorders (APD). His Occupational Therapist (OT) made some new visual processing goals. We might look into visual therapy soon (behavioral optometrist).
I know how overwhelming it all is. But the only way to regain some peace and control is by tackeling the issues, slowly but with gentle persistance.
As far as what others think... no word of wisdom here. They just won't understand because they never had to deal with it. One day. V had the most violent public tantrum. All I said to people is that he has developmental issues and we are working on it. In this specific case, the gentleman complimented me on how I handled it. And some other times, Sweet Pea is tantruming while shopping and I have to keep my chin up all the while everybody stares or worse, try to get involved. Usually it backfires on them LOL Sweet Pea only screams louder.
I gotta go now, hang in there.