Hello, I am new and this is my first posting. I am a Spacecraft Flight Operations Engineer with a loving husband and three sons. CG - My oldest is 15 and attending a private school. He inherited my dyslexia but received lots of quality training early in life and is doing reasonable well. He is mature and generally a pacifist, but does eagerly engage in fights with number 2 son. Plays the piano and clarinet. Wants to be a computer engineer BG - The middle son, age 13 and the main reason I am posting or my difficult child. Very intelligent gets mostly strait A, but struggles with anger management issues. Received a variety of diagnoses the one that fits the best is ODD, but not totally. Plays the flute and harp (yes the big instrument with lots of strings). Wants to be a geologist GG - Youngest age 10. Very smart kid, but frequently fails to do his school work. Which makes him discouraged and he will do things like give all his favorite toys away and talk down about himself. When his older brothers fight he becomes very frustrated and just wants to get away from it. Plays the viola. Wants to be a vet History: Last year BG had several bouts of anger. At the beginning of the summer he deliberately cut himself on his hand, he told the therapist he wanted to kill himself. The therapist said to take him to the emergency room. BG did not want to go and ran away. About 50 police officers, two helicopters and a team of blood hounds later a family friend found him hiding in a local store. The police escorted us to the emergency room where BG described in great detail his strategy for saying he wanted to kill himself. It mostly describes using it as a technique to control his parents. The emergency room visit was followed by a week long stay at a day facility. The Dr.s there never gave us a good diagnoses, never gave us the release papers and never followed up anything. (We made lots of calls and keep getting the run around). He stopped using suicide as a manipulation technique. However is he is very intelligent and quickly developed other techniques. One thing we discovered at this time was how horrible he was being treated at his middle school. Other students would cuss, and threaten him and use all kinds of profanity. Not just an F or S word, but streams of non-stop cussing with threats. The Dr. said we needed to get him out of the school, but refused to write a letter saying so. With out the Dr. letter the school system would not move him. Long story but we took the kids college fund and purchased an investment house near a better school. The house is a lovely house, but was damaged and filthy because the previous owner was angry for being foreclosed on. We got a good price. We plan on fixing it up and turning it around, using the address and hopefully making a profit when it come time for the kids to go to college. A two weeks before Christmas BG was at home sick with a stomach flu. CG had a short school day. Around 2:00 I get a call from the police as they were fighting. CG did not like the level of violence and called 911. The police asked if I wanted to make it a parental or police matter. If I selected a police matter they would both be arrested as they both had assaulted the other. The house was a mess, broken Christmas ornaments every where, broken things and vomit all over the living room. (Not a good idea to fight when you are sick). I requested parental matter. Because of this event and the effect the fighting has on GG, we have fixed up the top floor of the investment house and moved all of BG's stuff there. Hubby and I take turns sleeping there with him. We do combine the house hold back together occasionally. When BG is kept away and only allowed occasional visits with his brothers he becomes very supportive and caring when he does get to see them. Also when he is with just one parent, he is a wonderful boy and lots of fun to be with. But if we put them all together, eventually kaboom. I am hopping this site will help us learn different strategies and give us idea on what has worked and what has not. BG loves control, has difficulty seeing things through others eyes, and will disregard any and all consequences when on an angry roll. But, he is also quite loving and plays the most beautiful and peaceful harp music you can imagine.