New territory or unexpected turn of events

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by bymi22, Dec 5, 2012.

  1. bymi22

    bymi22 New Member

    just over a year ago dropped Earl off to college...lots of worry and concern over grades...what do you mean you have to move out because your roommate smoked really it was you...oh now, you need to be in basement from Red Cross, Earl has been admitted to psychiatric ward..cutting self and threatening Police...very expensive stay at inpatient facility and now after treatment narconon facilities in multiple states...not the same Earl we left at school just over twelve month ago...something fundamentally changed in Earl's brain...guilt, worry, fear, hard love, soft love...what do we do as parents?

    Friends said Earl did everything from huffing, mushrooms, molly, marijuana, DMT, to LSD...was on a "mission to try everything" said he was "chaos and has mastered pain" now just wants to "do art music and art" narconon helped, but still Earl pushes boundaries and ignores impulse control.

    Earl will burn all bridges and have no other options but come back to live with Mom and Dad...this is so unexpected new territory, I can see no easy can we manage?

    Stationed in a foreign country with limited help for situations like this....we'll take any advice
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Might Earl burn bridge to mom and dad as well? what is your line in the sand? How far will you let him go before you say no? I think he should be in in-patient treatment facility.
  3. bymi22

    bymi22 New Member

    busywend, we haven't talked "line in the sand" have only tried to give him encouragement and another way ahead besides living on the streets and self destructive behavior. He said he needed to leave facility and the Doctor recommended narcanon treatment; he did that, graduated and went to Sober caught using and was kicked out. Back to narcanon for retraining, graduated and is now working as an intern...still not sure if he will complete program and stay on. We had him going to a therapist, but he only saw him a couple times before going back into narcanon treatment. Faculty at narcanon say he is good for the people there and has not shown signs to them that he needs to be in higher level treament. Seems that as long as he is sober he is fine...other than his change in future and music ...and yes we gave him music lessons from the time he was 6...he plays violin, viola, and piano...but he never wanted to make that a career.

    we are really looking for some good advice about how we should proceed...let him move back home, pay for another program, give no more financial support?
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im assuming you have him in the states while you are living in another country. Am I correct?

    How old is Earl now? I am assuming also that he is a bit older than his original 18 go off to college age. Is he about 20/21 now? Older?

    I think some of this depends on his age. Personally I dont think I would want him with you on base in a foreign country. I know having a substance abusing young adult on a base, much less on a base in a foreign country, is something that could land you guys in some pretty hot water with a military career. He could also take off over there and get in trouble and end up in a foreign jail. Not a pretty issue.

    I dont know how much longer you have till you have to come home but I think I would leave him stateside. I dont know enough about the narcanon programs to know if that is where he should be. I have heard good and bad things on here about sober houses. Im sure its the same for the narcanon placements. They are as good as the staff that run them.

    Does your son have other underlying mental health disorders contributing to his substance abuse? I would say most likely. Maybe you could find someone to live with him to try to hold his hand and get him to his meetings and help him to not feel so lost. I dont know, I am just throwing out ideas.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm not in favor of enabling drug using kids, even our own. It doesn't help them. It just makes them cozy while they abuse drugs. A drug addict needs to want to quit before he will quit, no matter what his parents/family/friends say or do. This is Earl's can't take it with him. But you don't need to make being a drug addict easy for him and you don't have to watch him destroy himself either. I don't know if he has stolen from you or been abusive or gotten physically violent, but these things often happen when a drug addict lives at home. You have to think about your safety and the safety of any other younger children you may have.

    I know first hand how hard this is and I'm so sorry. I recommend getting involved in a real life NarcAnon group. I think they have them all over the world. You are going to need the support.
  6. bymi22

    bymi22 New Member

    Thank you for the good advice, yes he has stolen from us and although has never been physically violent with us he did cut himself and burn crosses on his arms after he went off to school. The folks at the narcanon facility that he is at now all say they like him and he is a good cadre/student/member/intern. We will check into the NarcAnon group availability for overseas folks...I know they have programs here...however not geared for Americans.
  7. bymi22

    bymi22 New Member

    Dammit Janet, (love this call sign)

    I have to admit he seems to have underlying mental health issues, however nothing came to light until after his "binge" of psychedelic drugs. The attending physician at the psychiatric ward expressed her opinion that his behavior was a result of the drugs...also that he needed to be sober to ensure he didn't relapse. He is 19 now and says he isn't interested in school anymore...just wants to do music and art.

    I agree that bringing him here overseas is a hugh risk, for him and for us.