new to chats and single mom of 22 yr. son with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by kaf, Jun 24, 2007.

  1. kaf

    kaf New Member

    I just joined up yesterday and thankfully several people have written to help me navigate this thing. My son is 22 and has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and a low IQ. Until recently he had been living with his dad who pretty much let him do what he wanted. Eric, my son, has a car, quite a bit of spending money and no job. He's been indulged for so long that I know it will take alot of time to get him on a better path. He's extremely argumentative and stubborn on one hand but can be very thoughtful and kind on the other. For six weeks he and his dog have been living with me in my one room studio apartment. I've finally found a bigger place for us with two bedrooms so that we can close or slam our doors when we've had enough of each other. I really want our living arrangements to work out and for him to accept that I'm the mother in this situation and deserve respect and consideration the same as he does from me. So, any help or advice would be more than welcome. I have thought about finding a support group for myself so that I can learn how to cope with him.
     
  2. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    Welcome to the group !! You will find a lot of support here.

    I'm sure it will be a big transition with him moving back in with you. What kinds of issues are you having with him right now? Why did he leave his dad to live with you?

    He is at a tough age since he is considered an adult. I'd suggest you sit down with him and come up with some ground rules that he needs to follow since he is living in your home. Things like drinking, staying out all night, expenses etc.

    You said he has a car -- Is he working?

    Sorry to ask so many questions, but it will help us to get to know you better and know how we can provide support.

    I don't have much advice on helping you to deal with a 22 year old as my kids are much younger....others will come along.
     
  3. kaf

    kaf New Member

    I am more than happy to answer questions. It seems like this child has been at the forefront of my life since his birth. His dad has been in the hospital since early March with complications of diabetes. He's going to be in a nursing home for a while longer then will have to move into an assisted living facility. Eric had been living in the house alone and was doing pretty well until one day when he decided to visit from so called "friends". Eric is the kind of kid that the tough and/or bad kids take advantage of. While he was visiting them, there was some type of argument and one of the kids hit Eric in the head with the :censored2: of a pistol. Thank God they didn't shoot him. He managed to get home and call 911. He ended up in the ER where he went from bad to worse. He not only had a concussion but he had a severe reaction to the injury and all the doctors could say was that he also had a contusion. He was in ICU for two days, strapped down hands and feet because he fought constantly. He wasn't even aware of what he was doing and he actually came out of the arm straps twice. On the third day, he woke and was fine. He stayed another day and a half and then I brought him home with me. He's been physically okay, but he's got even more anxiety and fears than before. How's that for a short version? Believe me, I could have gone into more detail. No, he's not working now and blames everything and everyone but himself for that. He brings home job applications and I help him fill them out, but that's as far as he gets. If I push too much, even a little, he overreacts and shuts me out.
     
  4. kaf

    kaf New Member

    I didn't know that word would be censored. I guess I should have said the end of the pistol that you hold in your hand.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, kaf. Welcome.
    You say your child has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). My son has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified. Is that what your child has?
    Did he have special help or intervention for autism when he was growing up? To be honest, Lucas has had help all along, and I still think he's going to need a special job (for adults with disabilities) and assisted living when he is an adult. He is very high functioning, but there are still a lot of stuff he doesn't "get" such as you need to bathe and wash your clothes. He would be a sitting duck for kids to pick on too if we didn't watch him far more carefully than kids his age, and he may always be that sitting duck, which is why his big brother has promised to always look out for him. Are you sure he is disobedient, and not just not getting it, in a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)/autistic sort of way? I'm trying to figure out his situation. Many Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified kids don't drive at all. I want my son to drive, but, again, he will be watched carefully. As for a job, is your son, with is lower IQ and Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), capable of holding a regular job? I'm trying to figure out what kind of special help he is getting for his disability? Is he ON disability?
    It is totally and completely the norm for a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid to have high anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) behavior. They are part of the nature of the beast. When was he diagnosed? Is he on medications? My Lucas does better off medications and does not have behavior problems, however we don't give him the freedom a fourteen year old usually has, nor does he want it.
    I think joining a parent group for adult kids with autism would help you understand him better and also connect with other moms in your situation. If you are trying to treat him as if he is just a normal, but possibly lazy young adult, you will probably not get anywhere. These folks are just different. Good luck :smile:
     
  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Welcome kaf,

    I am so glad you found our board, and were able to figure out the navigation of it all! :smile:
    I do not have a lot of experience with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), but I do know how difficult it is raising a troubled child, and I am so sorry you are going through all of this.

    I agree with MidWest mom, you have to tailor your expectations to fit his capablites. I am certain he is able to hold some sort of job, but possibly he needs some help from a local organization that specializes in helping disabled people obtain an education, and/or employment.

    I also wonder about his brain injury from the gun incident. Has he had any further Neuro testing since the accident to see if there was permanent damage? I know I had a friend that was challenged with severe ADD, and she had a major car accident that caused brain trauma. After the accident she became even more mentally disabled, and could barely hold a thought in her head. Just wondering if the swelling in the brain could have exacerbated his condition.

    Again, welcome -
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified kids often can not do mainstream jobs. It's not a matter of lack of education. Some brilliant kids with Aspergers can't work in a regular environment. I have a friend whose son has Aspergers. He has an IQ of 160 and a college degree. He has never held a job, even as a janitor. Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids think differently. They often need jobs for people with disabilities plus assisted living. Actually that is more than norm than them being able to get on with life in a typical way. It's not being troubled. It's being neurologically wired differently. It is NOT a psychiatric problem, but it can certainly drive parents nuts, especially when the child is not that obviously on the autism spectrum. It is easy for parents to believe the child can do what "typical" adults can do, even when they often can't. Education about Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)'s are mandatory to living in peace with your Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) adult. Many, many need to be on Disability as well as getting help with appropriate jobs. The adult with an IQ of 160 is on Disability. He still lives at home, but is hoping to move into low income housing with his wife (yes, he's married. She is not happy with him right now and they are always on the verge of divorce). This adult was not diagnosed until he was 23, and refuses to believe he has a problem, even though, in the back of his mind, he knows--and it comes out when he cries that he's no good...it's very sad, but he refuses any intervention. He has no "Life" common sense and has been in situations where he's ended up at gunpoint twice. As smart as he is intellectually, he has no understanding of people and the world is very confusing to him.
     
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