Hello
I was wondering if I could get your advice. I have a 5 year old daughter who I love "to the moon and back" but drives me crazy. There are many days where I struggle with guilt because her behaviour causes me to have feelings of dislike for her.
She has always been a very needy person. As a baby, she wanted to be carried all of the time and would scream if I put her down. She is an only-child and I always chalked it up to be that "this is what babies are like". I felt that I needed to have respect for her and be responsive to her cries hoping that this strong bond would support her. Even as a baby, I knew that she was quite "high needs"...her emotional care needs seemed to to go way above and beyond what my friend's children's needs were at that age. That was my first clue....
As a five-year old, she continues to have a strong need to be physically connected. She has issues over "personal space" and I am constantly trying to teach her about not "getting in my space" (hands in my face, constantly crawling over me etc.). Don't get me wrong, I love to cuddle with her --it is just that her need to be physically close is unsatiable. She is physically large for her age (not overweight but tall and solidly built) and it is getting to the point that she hurts me when she is crawling over me. When I cry out that she is hurting me and ask her not to do it, she doesn't stop.
Another example of this is that likes to come charging at me and jump on me...even though I have gently told her a million times that it physically hurts me that she does this (that is how hard she is running).
The other issue and perhaps the more upsetting issue for me is she appears to have no conscience. In general she is very defiant. When I discipline her (time out, take away a toy etc.), it doesn't seem to bother her. She is upset that she has had the toy taken away from her but she is not upset that I am upset with her. When I ask her to say sorry for something, I can tell that she is not feeling any level of regret. There is no sense of this in her body language. I can tell that she could really care less and that she is just saying it to "get it over with". I suppose this is what I find the most unsettling and I don't know what to make of it.
As mentioned before, she is an only child so my husband and I don't have a point of comparison (i.e., with other children). However, we have had so many conversations where we are at a loss as to what the problem is and how to define it. In fact, writing this post has helped me to organize the issues a bit more.
We try to be consistent with her and have strong boundaries regarding her behaviour while also trying to not be overbearing. I don't think that this has changed a lot of her behaviour and I don't know what we are doing wrong.
I find it difficult to talk with my friends/family about this. People will give "pat answers" to these kind of issues...i.e., it is normal part of childhood OR (worse) there is something that we are doing as parents that has caused her to be the way she is.
I don't know what to do next. I have thought about going to my GP but what am I supposed to say "my daughter is difficult to deal with?" The GP is just going to say "well, all children are like this etc. etc. etc."
I would appreciate your comments about my daughter's behaviour and/or what you think my next steps should be. Do you think that her behaviour is typical of a five-year old? If no, what should I do?
I should also add that I have been recently diagnosed with Bipolar II. I haven't read a lot about symptoms of Bipolar in children....however, she doesn't have mood issues as much as defiance and neediness issues. Also, physically, she looks like my husband's side of the family so I am hoping that the bipolar bug passes by her!!
I was wondering if I could get your advice. I have a 5 year old daughter who I love "to the moon and back" but drives me crazy. There are many days where I struggle with guilt because her behaviour causes me to have feelings of dislike for her.
She has always been a very needy person. As a baby, she wanted to be carried all of the time and would scream if I put her down. She is an only-child and I always chalked it up to be that "this is what babies are like". I felt that I needed to have respect for her and be responsive to her cries hoping that this strong bond would support her. Even as a baby, I knew that she was quite "high needs"...her emotional care needs seemed to to go way above and beyond what my friend's children's needs were at that age. That was my first clue....
As a five-year old, she continues to have a strong need to be physically connected. She has issues over "personal space" and I am constantly trying to teach her about not "getting in my space" (hands in my face, constantly crawling over me etc.). Don't get me wrong, I love to cuddle with her --it is just that her need to be physically close is unsatiable. She is physically large for her age (not overweight but tall and solidly built) and it is getting to the point that she hurts me when she is crawling over me. When I cry out that she is hurting me and ask her not to do it, she doesn't stop.
Another example of this is that likes to come charging at me and jump on me...even though I have gently told her a million times that it physically hurts me that she does this (that is how hard she is running).
The other issue and perhaps the more upsetting issue for me is she appears to have no conscience. In general she is very defiant. When I discipline her (time out, take away a toy etc.), it doesn't seem to bother her. She is upset that she has had the toy taken away from her but she is not upset that I am upset with her. When I ask her to say sorry for something, I can tell that she is not feeling any level of regret. There is no sense of this in her body language. I can tell that she could really care less and that she is just saying it to "get it over with". I suppose this is what I find the most unsettling and I don't know what to make of it.
As mentioned before, she is an only child so my husband and I don't have a point of comparison (i.e., with other children). However, we have had so many conversations where we are at a loss as to what the problem is and how to define it. In fact, writing this post has helped me to organize the issues a bit more.
We try to be consistent with her and have strong boundaries regarding her behaviour while also trying to not be overbearing. I don't think that this has changed a lot of her behaviour and I don't know what we are doing wrong.
I find it difficult to talk with my friends/family about this. People will give "pat answers" to these kind of issues...i.e., it is normal part of childhood OR (worse) there is something that we are doing as parents that has caused her to be the way she is.
I don't know what to do next. I have thought about going to my GP but what am I supposed to say "my daughter is difficult to deal with?" The GP is just going to say "well, all children are like this etc. etc. etc."
I would appreciate your comments about my daughter's behaviour and/or what you think my next steps should be. Do you think that her behaviour is typical of a five-year old? If no, what should I do?
I should also add that I have been recently diagnosed with Bipolar II. I haven't read a lot about symptoms of Bipolar in children....however, she doesn't have mood issues as much as defiance and neediness issues. Also, physically, she looks like my husband's side of the family so I am hoping that the bipolar bug passes by her!!