Newbie to forum

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by haywire_house, Jul 1, 2009.

  1. haywire_house

    haywire_house New Member

    Hello there!
    I just wanted to introduce myself.
    I am brand-new to this forum and seems like a Godsend to me.
    I feel so alone in all of this. No one seems to understand.
    I feel like a failure as a parent.
    I am struggling badly dealing with my VERY ODD/ADHD 16 year old & my patience with him is completely worn out! Expecially since Summer started and I am currently layed off. Its to the point I don't even want to talk to him at all -- we just end up fighting.

    I am currently reading the book "10 Days to a Less Defiant Child".

    Looking forward to meeting all of you, getting advice and hopefully being able of offer some. The trials and tribulations of parenting, nobody gave me a handbook on THIS when I left the hospital with them. lol :anxious:

    Chrissy
    38 - Single mom, PTSD, Anxiety/Panic, Depression
    16 year old son -- very ODD/ADHD, putting me at my wits end
    13 year old son -- mild ADHD
    1 dog
    1 cat
     
  2. Jeppy

    Jeppy New Member

    Welcome. My difficult child will be 16 this fall and I hear you loud and clear. I've only been coming here a little while myself, but have found a lot of supportive folks here.
     
  3. compassion

    compassion Member

    Welcome form another mom of a 16 year old (at least chronilogiclly): behavior is actiually much, much younger.
    I take it one day at atime. Choose my battles big time and try to stay calm, non reactive, esieclaly watch my tone of voice.
    For this week: take medications, check in with me once daily, attend appointments (medical and psycologist), stay in budget with spenidng.
    I try to praise, keep it positive and take cre of me.
    Support places for meAl-Anon, this site, FA (families anon), I see difficult child's therapist who gets it and it is a huge support, church, finding people who cn support me and private messaging or taliking to people indivisually, massages, chiro adjustments, enough rest. Taking care of self is so-ooo important.
    Compassion
     
  4. Mandy

    Mandy Parent In Training

    Welcome!!

    I came here at the end of last year when we realized my difficult child was getting sicker and we needed a diagnosis and help... FAST!

    These folks are wonderful here and can give great advice! I think without the help of this forum we wouldnt have gotten to the point we are now with difficult child as quickly.

    It's also great just having parents that UNDERSTAND!!:D

    I also struggle with my feelings of guilt, failure, and fatigue on a daily basis so just know you are not alone!
     
  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Welcome from an old-timer. My difficult child is now 21. He's still a difficult child, but he gets to be one out of my house now. I did get him raised and educated (high school and 1 year of college). It gets easier if you learn to detach and understand that no matter how hard you try you will not control or change their behavior, you have to change the way you respond. From this board I learned a valuable tool---do to get. You have to do in order to get what you want---I provide for daily needs, but you have to act like a decent human being in order to get anything special from me.
     
  6. maril

    maril New Member

    Oh, I hear you! :faint:

    Welcome! It is nice to meet you. I hope the book you are reading gives helpful information. Reading The Explosive Child by Ross Greene gave me a different perspective on what might be going on with my difficult child; it was helpful and am glad I read it.

    This site is definitely a "soft place to land." There are so many here, who provide good support and information. I am glad you found it.

    My youngest child, difficult child, is now getting close to 18, has one more year of high school, and lives at home. He has such a big heart but, at the same time, struggles with anger and other challenges.

    by the way, your avatar made me laugh. Cute!
     
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2009
  7. haywire_house

    haywire_house New Member

    Thank you all for the warm welcomes. They are truly appreciated.

    To quote what everywomen said: "I provide for daily needs, but you have to act like a decent human being in order to get anything special from me."

    everywomen, I am doing just that with him now. I cut off my "taxi services" just recently since he does not want to get a job at all... he just wants to skateboard and skate through life and to get him to do anything around the house is always a struggle, arguement, whining, etc... and there are always strings attached on his part. He only does something for me when HE wants something.
    He just cut the lawn for me (after whining & moaning about it ALL morning) & then he wanted me to drive him to the skate park.
    I said "NO" & he said "Well, I cut the lawn for you" & I said "Well, I washed your laundry".
    I am so fed up & angry with his disrespect & behavior for me I do not want to waste one drop of gas on his ungratefull a--.

    I also cut his curfew to an hour earlier til I get more respect from him.

    He says I hate him. That could not be farther from the truth. I love him so much -- I guess I loved him too much & let him get away with this behavior for so long. I thought he would have grown out of it -- just pueberty, ya know. It's getting worse & worse... he may be almost 16 but acts like a 2 year old. Its ridiculous! & exhausting.
     
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there :D.

    Is your son just defiant? What issues are you struggling with in specifics? Is he failing school? Stealing? Drinking? Maybe drugging? Getting arrested? Or is he just difficult--swearing, defying your rules, not letting you know where he is, etc.

    In my experience a co-diagnosis of ADHD and ODD is usually something else--either a mood disorder or some sort of high functioning autism. ODD is pretty much just a description that doesn't mean a lot--but at age sixteen I'm not sure you can re-evaluate him or that he'd cooperate. He's getting up there. Is he taking any medications? What was he like growing up? When he was very young did he struggle with delays? Any mood disorders on the family tree?

    No matter what is the matter, it is difficult to treat a sixteen year old. They are very hard to reel in at that age if they are out of control. Some have put their kids in RTCs to hope for the best.

    Looking forward to hearing more and maybe being more helpful...
     
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just wanted to add in my welcome. My difficult child is younger but I have an almost 16 year old daughter and she is difficult enough without the difficult child status. Hugs to you.
     
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