no one cares

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by amazeofgrace, Mar 26, 2008.

  1. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    NO ONE!!!!

    difficult child I has been being a nasty $##$# ghetto bratt. I had to call the police this morning just to get him to school. He was being defiant to the core and violent to boot. I call the Child services worker and he's on vacation, but, his supervisor tells me to "just call the police is he gets out of hand and to press charges".

    The principal says "well you can't do this everyday just to get him to school". Well hello, so long as the school is threatening to take me to court for his tardies and absences then what the hay can I do?

    Then Value options (next step up from DYFS) tells me to call mobile response, who in-turn always (from past experience with difficult child II) tells me to call the police. The in home therapist (who said difficult child I's problems were behavior and attitude based) they had provided never even bothered to show up for his last 2 visits. And now they do not want to renew the contract for a new in home for difficult child I or give me CMO services (next step up - difficult child II has them)

    The guidance counselor just offers me information on an adult night school everytime I call him. The kid has an IEP, doesn't that mean anything.

    On a bright note, the police are the only ones who bother to come or do anything!!!!

    I have a knot in my neck the size of Texas, sigh...................:faint:

    If I am having this many problems with difficult child I I shudder to think of difficult child II at 16.
  2. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    I'm sorry you are having such problems and seeming to go in circles. A random thought here but have you thought of contacting your local congressman or representative? It is an election year. :)

    In the mean time, you know you can come vent here!
  3. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    Geeze, They do not have truant officers? I'll tell ya sometimes we can't win, We are obligated by law to assure that our kiddos attend but yet when it comes to our difficult children being defiant and difficult they don't step up. Something is wrong with the system... I would be calling the superintendant for the school district or even better yet going to his or her office and laying out all of what is happening (School not being compliant). They are being lazy, With an I.E.P in place they are obligated by law rather they like it or not to aid in whatever involves schooling or education. If that specific school does not have the ability to do that then another school within the district or even outside sources can be sought out to meet those individual needs. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. My community (In Ca) has officers within our police dept that are called opon from the schools or their parents for situations like you are having to deal with. They go out on truancy calls all the time and I have seen some of the defiant kiddos having to be escorted by these officers to school as well.
  4. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    We have resource officers in our schools here. They will help with this on occaision. I know how frustrating this can be. So sorry you are going through it.

  5. julieb

    julieb New Member

    New to the forums but I will pray for you! Good luck and I am so sorry you have to go thru this.
  6. sandman3

    sandman3 New Member

    I'm so sorry! I've been there myself. I would definitely go above the school level with the IEP issues and attendance. Calling the Superintendant's office, and calling, and calling, until they call you back is a good step. I've also found it incredibly helpful to call the Department of Public Instruction at the State level. The county REALLY REALLY does not like getting a call from the state.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Following on from sandman's suggestion - something I've done is call up the chain of command. It all depends on how urgent the situation is, as to how much time I give them, but if I have to leave a message I make it clear - if I don't hear from them by (I give a deadline) then my next call will be to the next person up the ladder. I then leave the same message. And so on, until someone returns my call.

    If you do this, there are two things to remember:

    1) Keep notes of who you called, when and what was said (even if it was just a message). it's a good idea to do this anyway, you never know when something routine can blow up into an extraordinary situation. And

    2) You need to match the deadline you give to the degree of urgency of the problem. For example, when difficult child 3's school was about to put him in a mixed grade class of over 40 students (bureaucracy had dictated that X number of kids could only have Y numbers of teachers and classrooms) then I had to act FAST. I gave NO deadline, since we needed an undertaking that day that this wouldn't be happening. I kept calling further up the ladder and didn't get to talk to a person until I reached State Minister for Education level.

    A side effect of doing this successfully - the next time you ring and leave a message, they will get back to you much faster, since they've learned that the consequences of not returning your calls can be damaging to their reputation and career path.

    Good luck - you shouldn't be stuck in the middle on this one.

  9. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    So sorry - it's a lousy way to start the day, that's for sure!

    I'd call an IEP mtg, especially if they're threatening truancy. Time to get them involved on getting him to school. He needs to be held accountable. I love that principal doesn't think you can do this every day to get him to school (and he's right) - time for principal and the rest of IEP team to come up with some alternatives! I'm glad the police were helpful at least!

    And hey, don't try to anticipate what difficult child II will be like at 16 - chances are it will be a whole different ball game. :) Just to keep you on your toes, LOL.

    Hang in there!
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911


    YOU KNOW - you are dealing with a lot of misinformed and uninformed people.

    Firstly - if your child is IEP - he can't CAN NOT take night time adult ed classes. They don't have the resources to handle a child during the day let alone at night when most adults really go because they work during the day. Check into it to be sure - our district told us IEP=DAY CLASSES ONLY.

    As far as wrap services not showing up twice? Why? Even if your son does not participate they have a contractual obligation to show up and either sit there and talk to you or like I did - go have coffee and doughnuts, look at Christmas lights and then have the brass to send me a bill. YEAH right. (after I enlightened a supervisor of my Krispee Kream adventure with his counselor - we did not have to pay the bill) That man was a putz.

    However - somewhere the people YOU have coming out for GFGI - have a boss, and it would call them and find out WHY you are not getting services.

    As far as your child NOT getting up for school? Yes, you have to call the truant officer or the police. But if you can't get them to make him move - then ask them to charge him and take him to jail so that he can go to jail and end up in school at juvenille court. If the police refuse to do that - then check with family court and file a petition of Incorrigibility = this gets him in front of a judge - you can tell the judge that you simply can not make him comply with the simplest of rules - and you want him removed from your home. It helps if you have a paper trail like a report EACH AND EVERY Time from WHATEVER agency you have had to call - ALWAYS get a name, write a date, time - and phone number - keep a log of this - and show that to the judge - WITH each agencies response to your requests.

    IF THAT does not do anything? Then i would check with alternative schools through your school district on a daily on going basis and ask the resource officer/principal JUST WHAT can be done if he refuses to go.
    Also write that down.

    Hope this helps
  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Does your district have a truancy officer or a district police force? I'm guessing we're in the minority here, but our district does have a police force with a very visible presence on our junior high and high school campuses. I agree with Star, by having him charged that will hopefully take some of the burden off of you and put it on the system that makes rules but won't help enforce them. And yes, definitely have a paper trail.