I fully agree that you need a TON more communication, but doing it by phone is hard for them also. Try not to take being watched so personally. I had NO clue what other parents were like until I saw some in the lobby before visiting hours and then when the staff knew me they said a few things that let me see htat MANY, actually MOST of the kids had parents who were as mentally ill as they were and the parents could be even more dangerous.
Given the way she attacked teh staff during her meltdown, she really NEEDS the 30 days. This MUST be gotten under control or someone is going to be hurt VERY badly and then she is going to be in juvie and then in jail or prison. Those are NOT places where seh will get help or get better - just read some of klmno's threads about how her son has been since he went to juvie almost 2 yrs ago. This MUST be controlled ASAP because otherwise it just is not safe to have her at home. She is going to seriously HURT someone and that damage will be terrible for her and for the rest of the family. I know there are problems with this psychiatric hospital, but having her at home right now iwll NOT give her ANY of what seh needs so that this can be figured out and helped.
You need to start applying honey to the staff. You, and your children, NEED them to help. OF course tell them of bruises, etc.... - in email or letters is excellent as you cannot visit in person. Keep copies and make sure you get a fax confirmation or a read receipt from email or send them certified with return receipt so you ahve a paper trail of telling them things. Once they know you are not causing the problems and you want to help in any possible way, they will likely warm up.
I am not surprised that they didn't see anything until now. Five days seems like a lot but our kids do something called "honeymooning" in new situations. They will behave well and try to make people think that the parents are the problem and they are just wonderful and don't know why they are there. They go along, behave, and cause no problems. Wiz honeymooned for over a MONTH. It was a fight to keep him in there and he did it on purpose (he was 12). The only reason he wasn't released then was because I did something that felt awful to me but was the best for him.
I triggered him into raging during a therapy session. I wasn't abusive but I confronted him with what he had been doing, various things we found - like knives stashed all over the property under bushes, in trees, even hidden in loose rocks in a low garden wall. I didn't let him con the therapist the way he had before - I flat out called him a liar when he said that he wouldn't hurt Jessie ever, that I imagined it, that we abused him by hitting him with sticks to cause cuts to make it look like he was hurting himself, etc... The therapist and I had a good relationship by then - she saw me as a parent willing to do ANYTHING to help my son have a future that did not include jail or something similar.
After he spewed his hate and rage out and the session was over I went to the bathroom and vomited until I was puking up blood. It was THAT BAD. Then next week he brought a list of all he had done to Jessie. It was another horrible, hideous, would not wish that on anyone ever session that I went and vomited after. I had NO CLUE that he had done those things to her. She confirmed them in a session with her therapist - who was also shocked beyond belief. Most of the things were done while my mother or father was "supervising" them or at night after we were asleep. We lived with my folks because husband was in grad school but it became crystal clear that supervision of the kids did NOT mean the same thing - esp because my mother felt Wiz could do little wrong and Jess was the cause of all of his problems. She never said it outright, but every conversation about the problems ended up with her pointing out how jess "abused" wiz. Pretty much by being born and changing the dynamics of the family what how she abused him in my mother's words - she took the attention and $$ for things away from him. It is why Jess doesn't want to do much with my mom very often. Jess loves her but won't accept that blame - ever.
It is early days there. Your other difficult child would blame you just as much for whatever went on if difficult child 2 was home. He doesn't have a vote in her healthcare. He is not the parent. period. Ignore him or tell him if he doesn't stop it you will remove his possessions. If that works for you. DOn't bite off more than you cna handle or say things you can't or won't do. Ask him how he would do it different - and if his way was so great why doesn't he go ahead and move out and support himself and prove it?? Or avoid talking about it with him - whatever you can handle at that time.
((((((((((hugs))))))))))
This is a super hard time, but in the long run it will help. You just have to figure out how to work the system that she is in. Communication is the key there.