Now for the other side.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Mar 28, 2007.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    It's hard for me to post about kt & wm in the same thread. I have to switch gears & mindsets. Please be patient with me.

    wm is pushing, begging to come home - especially since his twin has come home. The sad part of all this is that wm is stuck, totally stuck in the same old place.

    While I know that he has some "challenges" he does have control over certain choices made; control over some of his behaviors & rages.

    wm told me that he isn't going to acknowledge bio mom. She doesn't exist anymore. For the time being, this is his coping skill about the trauma he endured in bio home.

    However, wm has a long journey ahead of him. A great deal to learn & process.

    During a recent phone call I actually hung up on my son. He kept insisting that it was the right time to come home - "I'm cured, mom". I thanked wm for sharing his thoughts however adults would make that decision. wm proceeded to share his special "terms of endearment" with me. As I was hanging up - foster mum (who supervises these calls) was yanking the phone out of wm's hand.

    Foster mum called back directly & assured me that wm was given consequences. I have an attachment therapist appointment with wm, Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker this coming Friday. Goals that wm must achieve will be discussed with wm once again. The likelihood of wm attaining those goals is minimal because of his very controlling nature & his seemingly ingrained attitudes toward kt & myself.

    Safety is the number one priority for husband & myself; wm has little ability to control his dangerous & boundary breaking impulses.

    wm is so stuck on "coming home" that he's not concentrating on the day to day issues - to learn the skills he must if he ever wants to live function in the real world. In the meantime, we discuss the family of different addresses.

    Thanks - just needed to get that out of my system.
  2. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I am impressed with the relationship you have going with the foster mom. Maybe, just maybe, after wm gets tired of banging his head against the wall, he will realize both of you are a united front and he will need to work on his problems if he wants to change his situation. Sorry it isn't very satisfing being his wall. Hope you can keep from hurting too much.
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    like Kathie, I'm impressed with foster mom. Sorry that he is stuck.

  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You just keep directing him. This will pass...slowly, I think. He will stop focusing on kt being newly home because eventually it will not be so new.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I think Busy may be right. Once the newness of kt being home wears off some of this will pass.

  6. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Like Lisa, I also agree with Busywend. Hopefully, the newness of kt being home will wear off soon!!!

    You definitely have your hands full!!! Make sure you get enough "ME" time... :bath: :flower: :smile: !!! WFEN
  7. Loris

    Loris New Member

    I'm glad foster mom is working so well with you. I agree that when the newness of kt being home passes, he will calm down. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
  8. cindygirl

    cindygirl New Member

    I can identify with you. While Al was at the drug safehouse we were in a room talking. She kept asking about boyfriend and where he was at. She is not allowed access to a phone, computer etc. while in the safehouse. She had me drive 25 minutes across town at 9 pm because she really needed to see me and then all she does is pester me about the boyfriend. After 20 minutes I give up and head for the door. She flies into this huge rage and starts throwing chairs and everything else she can get her hands on. She is hurling every curse word her inventive brain can come up with but I just keep walking (long experience has taught me to keep going and don't argue back) and I finally make it to the door. When the staff comes with the keys to unlock the door, he touches my arm and says "are you okay, that must be pretty tough on you." I looked at him and said "really, that was pretty mild." lol. These people don't have any idea what we go through. At least you have a foster mother who may have a clue.
  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I am sorry Wm is trying to wear you down. You are handling it correctly.

    If he continues this can you not take his calls? He needs to learn boundries and consequences. I am glad the foster mom is following through. (((HUGS))) -rm