Hi, I am the sngl mom of a 14 yr old difficult child. She was termed ODD by a psychologist as early as 4 while 2 parents were in the home and after a divorce at 7 has been a continual struggle in the home and sometimes at school. She lacks the ability to create and maintain good relationships with her friends due to her poor judgement in situations (facebook, texting). She was also termed "spirited". She is exceptionally bright when motivated at school. Carrots do not last long as good behaviour cannot be maintained over an extended period of time. Talents are working with small children or tutoring others (if she wants to). Creative. If she does not wish to do something, it is a fight. Verbally agressive. Lack of empathy for others most of the time (except small children), frequent tantrums at home or in public (malls, library, wherever). I have stopped hanging around with some of my friends since they are so critical of her and me as a parent. She is not interested in joining activities (only if I do or if a friend does). She was seeing a psychologist but she determined that was a waste of time and just sat there for many sessions with her mouth closed - not one word. I finally couldn't pay $140 per hour for that. I am looking into other family options. You get the picture... I have a 10 yr old son that displays none of these symptoms. He is very tolerant but gets embarassed too. He is easygoing and I know he, like me probably gives in too frequently also. I myself have a mood disorder, stable for many years. I am currently reading Explosive Child and am finding it a relief in some ways. Okay, here is my question. She has a phone and an iPod. I use them as a privelage / work together system. When she is working with me and her school, she has these items. When she is not working with us, she does not have use of them. The school seems to be working with me. I am now monitoring her on facebook for 10 minutes per evening with me beside her if she has done homework/studying (her marks have gone way down this year - 75 minute classes are tough for her and her peer group has widened). Her attitude is "Why bother trying when you have taken everything away". She never has watched tv so it is not an option. What advice about the rest?