Oh my at my wits end

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by imgoingnuts, Nov 22, 2006.

  1. imgoingnuts

    imgoingnuts New Member

    I am new to this site. I have a 4 year old son who drives me and my husband crazy. He doesn't listen to a word that we say. He is always yelling at us i've tried all techniqies(sp) of discipline and he gets so angry and if he doesn't get his own way he throws the worst fit, he screams at the top of his lungs and jumps up and down and gets very mean. I think he likes to make us mad i think he likes getting into trouble he knows how to press my buttons and makes sure he does it all the time. He has pretty much been this way since he was 2, i had to leave work when he was 2 because is daycare lady couldn't handle him, i thought he was just going through a stage and by the age of 4 he would be grown out of his "mood swings" or that we have spoiled him,He is just so disrespectful to everyone not just me and his father to any adult and child, he doesn't share toys and when someone picks up a toy he automatically wants it and will fight with the other child to get it, and when you try to explain to him that he can't do that he throws a major fit and gets angry and sometimes will get physical then too, it's almost like he is stuck at the age of 2. at this age i thought that he would be trying please his parents and help them out but he doesn't want to do anything for himself or anything for my husband and i and seems to care less if we are happy with him or not. Other people don't seem to enjoy being around him because he makes them so unhappy also, then only people that he gets along with are the ones that show him attention constantly and give into his requests there is one little girl that we will play so well with and i think it's because she lets him tell her what to do. He runs our house hold i can't believe i let it get this far, but i don't know where i went wrong either. So if any of you have any suggestions please FEEL FREE. THanks
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hey there.

    I want to welcome you to the board. I know the board will be slow right now because its the holiday but wanted you to know you are so not alone. Most of us here came here because we had little tyrants. They acted that way for various reasons but they were driving us all crazy.

    I really doubt it was anything you did or didnt do that caused him to be this way. Sure we all could have done some things different in hindsight but beating ourselves up never helped anyone. Your son is 4, you couldnt have done but so much wrong...lol.

    My advice would be to start with your pediatrician and tell him you would like a referral to someone who evaluates children with behavioral or neurological disorders. The best way to get this done in one fell swoop would be a multidisciplinary evaluation at a childrens hospital if you can arrange that. If not, getting him seen by a childrens psychiatrist, a childrens neurologist and a speech pathologist would be a good start.

    I would also get a jump start with the schools and ask for an evaluation thru them because you will probably have problems when he goes to school. Look in our Special Education section on how to do this.

    Read the posts here. They are full of valuable information. Check out the archives too.

    If you have questions, please feel free to PM (private message) members because we are a wonderful and knowledgeable bunch of people. We are all just moms but we have traveled this road before you and know some of the bumps.

    Again, Welcome! Happy Thanksgiving.
  3. Ltlredhen

    Ltlredhen New Member

    Hi and welcome,

    As Janet said, the board will probably be slow for a day or so but you are definately not alone. We have all been there done that with one of these kids. Probably nothing you could say would surprise any of us, lol.

    I would recommend you get a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross W. Greene, PhD. As you have already learned by trial and error, the normal way of parenting does not work on one of our difficult children. This book is invaluable on ways to deal with difficult kids.

    When you get the chance it would be helpful if you could do a signature profile such as I have at the bottom of my post. This will help us not to ask the same questions over and over to you as we get to know you and your son. Go to the FAQ section of the board and there are directions on how to do this.

    Here are a few questions for you if you feel comfortable answering them.
    1. Is there a family history of mental problems such as bipolar, depression? Any type of addictive behavior?
    2. Did your son progress through childhood stages on time?
    Any delays with speech or motor skills?

    We're just moms but maybe one of us will have some suggestions that will help you on your journey.

    Hang in there,
  4. amy4129

    amy4129 New Member

    Oh I have so been there. It is nothing you did or didn't do.
    Like Donna said weekends are slow around the board and worst before a holiday.
    My suggestion is to keep a journal that tracks what you attempt and for what behavior and what works, in part or not at all.
    You may find some trends that occur.
    Welcome again
  5. imgoingnuts

    imgoingnuts New Member

    Here are a few questions for you if you feel comfortable answering them.
    1. Is there a family history of mental problems such as bipolar, depression? Any type of addictive behavior?
    2. Did your son progress through childhood stages on time?
    Any delays with speech or motor skills?

    No I am completley comfortable answering any questions!

    1. Lets see, depression, ADHD, ADD, Schizophrenia, Anxiety Disorders, slight mental retardation. There are plenty of addictions in the family drugs, alcohol, tobacco.

    2. My son progressed normaly with the childhood stages, he's a bright kid and quick learner. Yes he has had speech delays and still does we've had him evaluated once before but couldn't get him into therapy because of our work schedules. Motor skills seem to be fine.

    Oh lol by the way what does difficult child stand for??
  6. Ltlredhen

    Ltlredhen New Member

    difficult child is short for "gift from God". This is the child that brings us here to the forum.

    I would also suggest that you consider having a full evaluation by a pediatric neuropsychologist, child psychiatrist or diagnostic pediatrician at a large children's hospital. You may have to travel for this but it may be well worth it in the long run. These docs are trained to pick up on things that other docs might not.

    Bipolar, alcoholism, depression and others you mentioned are passed on from one generation to the next. I would definitely have him evaluated.

  7. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    Welcome to the site. Sorry don't have any wonderful words of wisedom, but I can sympathize. David was chasing his 8 year old aunt around with a fire poker at age 2. He definatly trys to boss, and he gets physical/aggressive.
  8. SRL

    SRL Active Member


    Welcome! I'm glad you found us-we've all had difficult little guys on our hands so we know just what you're going through.

    Knowing what I know about challenging 4 year olds and reading your posts, I would urge you to to get on an evaluation and any followup therapies or interventions that are recommended. Beyond the private evaluation I think it would be a good idea to contact the public school district (if you already haven't done so) and request an evaluation. If he qualifies for special education preschool then therapies such as speech would be built into the school day. Transportation would be provided at no cost as well. Don't shy away because he's bright--parents of very intelligent children report that Special Education preschool helps because it focuses in on those areas where the child is struggling (often behavioral, social, speech).

    Children who have communication issues often have behavioral issues because it's frustrating not to be able to communicate. If his delays are beyond articulation, this could be a contributing factor but the family history isn't in his favor either since these disorders tend to be genetic.

    We obviously can't diagnose here but we can point you in some directions to look. When children have behavioral issues and speech delays, it's important that Autism Spectrum Disorders be included as part of the assessment process because it's very often overlooked in younger children. There's an experimental screening checklist at this site you can run through.