I dont have much time tonight, but I will go back through this thread
and post a few other ideas for you to toss around...but for now..
The meeting went the way I expected it to go - unfortunately.
>I know the feeling of that one
No one can believe that this angelic child they see all day
...anyone can see the problems, they just aren't wanting to deal with them
The PS (program specialist -district Special Education staff) insisted on a goal ..
Ew, ...I'll skip even stating what I think of the PS...
The PS was not happy to hear we had doctor's notes for every single absence.
>If the nurse was helpful, how helpful do you think the doctor's could be?
Oh, I'd start considering a conference call with the doctor's during the meeting.
Yup, they will do it (but your sweet butt it wouldn't be easy though).
And I've seen video conferencing from the jail to the judge as well as the
school, at the same time.
Anyway, the bottom line was that they said he just needed to go to after
school tutoring and then he wouldn't be anxious about staying caught up
and he wouldn't blow up over doing his homework at home.
>Out schools have a 10 minutes times grade level homework time amount.
The homework time amount should include the tutoring. So a sixth
grader should do no more than 1 hour of studying and or homework
per day. If the child comes home with anymore homework or studying
then the school should be notified. For us, we marked how long everything
took to complete, as well as study amounts for a very long time. Then of
course the "social activities per day" since the SD felt difficult child was running
around spending too much time doing athletics for their school instead
of doing his homework. That one really ****** me off, and I told
the coach that difficult child could not start practice till all homework was done.
That lasted one day, before difficult child got help during the day. So,
maybe state that your personal life has goals set for difficult child to be more
active, and that the tutoring time may interfere with your own goals for
difficult child. Yea, believe it or not, I had a few of our "personal goals"/
verified by psychiatrist or other agency (one was speech and language
services at the nearby university) documented into the IEP, just
because it prevented the SD from "limiting" our options.
I'm hoping you understand what I'm trying to say here. Just
like they are limiting their options, limit theirs. Eh? After
school tutoring might also interfere with church, your work schedule,
your relatives who are vi sitting for the next month, etcetera. I only
say these things if you are not wanting after school tutoring and
feel it should be done within school.
Also, does your school have intermural sports/activities?
Where kids just play for fun? Sometimes other kids with
IEP's for motor skills have these sort of options. Maybe
he can make friends or just have some fun? Maybe, go play
with the kids for a bit, and then the teacher will help you with
your after school homework, because she suddenly got "busy".?
What do you say to people like that?...
>I'd say I will do a two week trial run and if it heights response at
home or causes additional conflicts (noted in IEP) we will re-review
that goal or accommodation in two weeks. I had 5 IEP meetings
in one week when difficult child was playing football in 7th grade.
It was OIC, you are going to let him miss all this school and
be physically exhausted and not make accommodations NATURALLY
for him. Maybe he shoulder play football for you then. OH NO,
we can work with him different. I knew you could
>More, I think for your situation I definitely would find an advocate,
and at least work through the arguments/goals beforehand.
If they say this, then I say this. If they want this, then I want that.
Those advocates do a spiffy job, but are very difficult to come by.
I pointed out the clues they were overlooking -
1) that he has missed 2 full days and 2 half days in the past 3 weeks due to
mental illness Response: no response
>Doctor on conference call, immediately, either planned or contacted
during the meeting. Even a dang nurse from the doctor's office will
create a different "aura" in any meeting.
2) that he's not eating before or during school because he's so anxious
>omg, I'd forgotten about that one. totally. I think "staff" to assist us there.
I think we made lunchtime a "checkpoint" of his status. My difficult child was
not allowed to leave the damn lunchroom until he ate. Back then,
our SD also didn't allow snack times, and was just starting to permitting
water bottles at certain times. difficult child had a checkpoint that included
granola bars. I don't care if you think he's fine. Check him and
document it. And so help me if the lunchroom lady who lives
down the street from me tells me any different, we are gonna duke it out.
3) that he has NO friends after 9 weeks of school. Response: Principal
agreed that wasn't typical
>psychiatrist should tell them to do something about it, or you
will have to do something socially with him after school and he will
miss tutoring.
4) that he can't stand the thought of having his schedule changed Response:
lots of kids are like that. My reply: Really? other 14 year old boys start crying when you tell them you might have to change their
schedule?
>I'd also state that school issues might require the need of a psychologist,
social worker, psychiatrist, etc. Maybe then they could attend the meetings also?
5) that he refuses to do any kind of after school activity - no clubs, no tutoring,
no organized sports Response: well going to a club where you don't know
anyone could be hard. My reply: He won't stay after school because he's either
upset or exhausted every day when I pick him up and bursts into tears or starts
ranting at the suggestion that he stay after school.
>Gr.. I dont think I'd sign for the IEP until they add in a goal for social
interactions. I'd also state it would BOOST his attendance. You want
attendance, well I want the kid have social interactions.
6) that he stopped doing his Language Arts homework and all makeup work
> Oh yea, I like the goal of all Language Arts homework will be completed
in the tutoring. Oh yea, by the way, if my doctor says tutoring after school
is too stressful because he he stressed about x,y, and not having
social interactions, or if I see one missing LA assignment for over one
week, we will have seriously problems to evaluate.
>They must think I am stupid or blind, deaf and dumb - or both!
I learned a really good trick from an advocate once. It was can you
put that in writing for me...(um, I'd like to complain the the state
board of education, or to by govt officials), also have your state
board of ed handbooks or someone on call. I used them quite often,
for such as the state of IL states that a child must be present
1/2 of their school day to compete or practice or stay after for
activities. Oh yea? Well is your resource time before school
included or not? Oh yea? Well he is so stressed now that
he is only here for a half a day to begin with and you won't
let him play sports. Well the state board of ed disagrees with you.
Her name is XYZ, I spoke to her at XXX, on XXX. She welcomes
us calling her at any time with any questions, including IHSA
(il high school athletic code) and how SE and IEP services
intertwine. IHSA also applies for middle school here.
When pressed they said the only options they could think of were
an SED classroom with psychotic, violent and conduct disordered kids or a Special Day class with kids who are mentally retarded.
>Yup. been there done that one too. They gave us no choice and placed him
in SED classroom. I was hotter than a firecracker. He wouldn't
go to school until we worked it out. He played football
every single day and then they suddenly found a way to have
100% Special Education minutes in LRE (least restrictive environment).
We agreed to call for home instruction if he missed 5 days in a row of school
and was expected to continue to be absent (SD normally doesn't
provide home instruction until 20 days of absence!).
>I love that.
I pointed out that, if we didn't make any changes in his
placement and the psychiatrist was correct about school making his mood
swings worse, then it seemed reasonable to assume that he would
be absent more due to hospitalization and/or days when he was
too unstable to come to school. Just wanted that on the record.
>I love to add in time frames to the goals though. It saves you
from calling more IEP meetings. They should sent you an IEP
goal sheet (they only do them here routinely every quarter),
but we had them whenever a goal time frame came up, that we
added the words, "to be documented to parent via xxx (whatever
name they had for that sheet). Loved it. A lot.
What I would like is to be able to give every person at that table
(maybe not the PS - she really ticks me off) a copy of Kay Jamison's book An Unquiet Mind.
>I'll be looking for this the next time I take easy child 3 to the mall.
Without that I would probably still be feeling like I am a horrible parent
>completely impossible
and it's all my fault somehow. Neither of which is even remotely true.
Nope. You will get them to see the problem one way or another.
Something has to change for your lil very soon. I mean really.
Here, easy child 3 was moved in Nov last year and I went in and told the
teacher she was having trouble making friends. The next day
easy child 3 told me she had a lot of friends because everyone liked her,
but she didn't know that yet. Sheez, and easy child 3 doesn't have an IEP.
Oh it makes me sooo mad. I just wish teachers had the knowledge
and the power to teach all children, all different ways. I mean
really, as parents its not like we sit down and have meetings with
ourselves saying, okay, by the time Johny is 6 he will help with
the chores more. Lets document/graph how he does with the chores
every week. Nope, we do this stuff naturally. We read or talk to
other parents or professionals to know what is age appropriate
or the "norm". We work on things such as chores for a little bit.
Here is a chore chart. Here is a reward system. Here is a
punishment system. Whatever it takes. And we keep trying
and trying to make or find some way to teach/parent. And if it
doesn't work we try something else.
It ain't that hard.
My IEP goals for your difficult child would definitely include
To communicate with his teacher
To communicate with school professionals through checkpoints/times
To communicate with other children
To be socially active with other children
To make new friends
To become involved in some activity.
Every additional meeting I had that was not an annual meeting,
I always made it my goal to get one more IEP goal added.
On average I think I probably did it fifty percent of the time.
I celebrated it too.
I'm sending you my bestest of best mommy fairy dust to hope you
continue to stand up for your child, and you see the counter
arguments you need to help your son. Like I said, you aren't
asking for anything different with the "friendships" that I did for
a non-Learning Disability (LD) child. You aren't asking anything different than what a
parent who moves to a new SD asked for. You aren't asking
anything different than what a returning to school after
homeschooling parent does. IEP/Learning Disability (LD) or not.
hugs..you are doing a great job...