Order in the Court

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by New Leaf, Apr 1, 2016.

  1. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Could someone make me a cuppa....well tea wouldn't do right now.
    I would have titled this thread "One Flu over the Cuckoos Nest" .......It is April Fools Day and I have been knocked upside the head with a plate of are you kidding me?
    Court at 1:00, but I hear hubs truck coming up the road at 9:30. He is supposed to be at work. He walks in the door shivering and ashen faced.
    Uh oh.
    Enter the swirly whirly.
    Hubs has health issues, so now on top of everything else brewing, this. We can't do anything the easy way. Hard already.....lets just add something else......
    Long story short, I was ready to take hubs to emergency, 103.6 temp, but got it down too 100.2. Hokus boyfriend came over to keep an eye on hubs.
    Went from almost not making it to court, to hightailing it down there.
    I am a bit frazzled.
    Rain did show up, with another street friend. I kept conversation to a minimum, but told her I was proud of her for showing up and being brave. Sitting on the hard wooden benches outside of the courtroom. It was awkward.
    Last time I saw her was not pleasant.
    But there we were.
    She is my daughter, and she needed support.
    The DV prosecutors advocate was the first to appear. I asked my daughter if she wanted me to stay with her, she did.
    We went into the witness room and the prosecutor came in and went over the three incidences and Rains statement, explained how it would go. I was numb. Rain was bereft and quiet and miserable.
    We waited to be called into the courtroom.
    It was agonizing.
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2016
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you made it to court and that Rain did too.

    NOT so happy to hear about another round with Hubby's health!
  3. savior no more

    savior no more Active Member

    Have been there with my son now at least three times and facing more. I'm sorry - it's such a public, stressful acknowledgement of the struggles.
  4. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Thanks IC, sorry I am on my phone and my chubby fingers posted before I was done. Ahem.
    So, there I was sitting there listening to Rains testimony, stomach churning, but trying to remain composed. The guy.......whom I have never seen before, kept turning around, his eyes met mine and I glared at him. Long and hard.
    His attorney tried to poke holes in Rains testimony, but in my opinion he ended up supporting the case with his questioning. Rain broke down a few times, but held her ground.
    The judge ruled in favor and set an arraignment and court date. $50,000 bail.
    We sat with the advocate and prosecutor and they explained what happens next.
    I called hubs who was feeling dizzy, so we said our goodbyes. I resisted temptation to say anything about rehab. Encouraged Rain to take care and follow through. She said she would call me.

    Hubs must have the flu. It is going around. His temp is hovering at 101.

    I heard some terrible things in that courtroom, most of which confirmed what I knew about the meth use, but it was the first time I have actually heard her say it.
    Into a f@€{*ng microphone.......it bounced around my skull. I winced inside, but held my composure.
    The defense attorney was trying to use that to prove she may not be a viable witness.
    It didn't work.
    Meth is a horrible, horrible drug. It is also why I cannot have my daughter living at home. I pray that she will be released from its clutches, but it is up to her. I no longer have a cloud of guilt hovering over my head. I feel sorrowful at the circumstances surrounding my daughter. No one deserves to be mistreated.
    What this man did to her.....I want to scream.
    I want to magically incinerate meths existence off the planet.
    What my daughter on meth has done to herself.......it echoes in my head.

    If you go on meth websites, violence and psychosis is a major part of the insidiousness of this drug.
    I have tried to help my daughter, but she does not want to quit.
    So, her choice is to live in the park, homeless and high.

    I hope that one day that will not be her choice.

    I love her with all of my heart.

    My head hurts........probably from all of the screaming that was going on inside of it during this hearing.
    Oh my God it was a hearing alright.

    The things I heard.

    Somebody please save my daughter......

    What a strange life.....

    What a strange day.
    Wait there is more.......
    To add to it, a lady walked by us as we sat on those benches and I recognized her. She looked at me.... I know her from paddling.

    Rains advocate said...."that's my supervisor".
    (This is where you insert weird music playing in the background, like a horror film)
    She came and said hello and handed me her card.
    We chatted briefly about paddling and then of course .....there was this kind of awkwardness and.....intuitive silent acknowledgement of this......

    April Fools Day.

    I will be having a cocktail to calm my nerves.

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  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Im sorry, leafie. My daughter did meth. She had bad experiences; dangerous ones while on it but it was kept secret and she never went to court. Im sorry you had to hear meth details. I already
    know what it can do. I did research after she told me she had used it. Freaked me out.

    Your daughter has used it longer than mine, but she can quit...she still can. I hope she does.

    Im so sorry for what undoubtedly was a scary day. I hope you can find some peace tonight, even now.

    Take care. Hope your hubby feels better. Keep us posted.
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  6. savior no more

    savior no more Active Member

    I harped on this forever with my son from an early age - 16 or so - and what was the drug he ended up with - meth. In his case I don't think proactive feeding of negative information changed his course. I think it boils down to what "rocks" their brain. I guess the same horribleness could be said for heroin, except they don't seem to have the psychotic rages.
  7. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Me, too SWOT. It is such a problem here. I have seen it ravage many a person. Soul stealer.
    She can, when she wants to. I hope so too, SWOT. Thank you.
    Trying as best can sister, thank you.
    We are at Emergency. He feels miserable. Never a dull moment in the Leafy household. When it rains it pours.....what can I do but sigh......
    Not to mention the use one time and hooked factor.......Saviornomore, how long has your son used meth? I am sorry, it is a nasty bad drug.
    Thank you so much SNM and SWOT for your kindness. It will be a long night I fear......
  8. Kalahou

    Kalahou Active Member

    Thinking of you Leafy,
    Glad you are feeling together enough to post of today's intense drama. I'm encouraged by your stand today with Rain. I know this episode accomplished whatever it was purposed to do (for Rain, for you, and for the perp bully). You sound very strong. I am believing this to be a pivot point.
    Now tend to hubs and yourself. I'm sorry to hear you are at the ER. I hold you and yours in heart and prayers. Rest this weekend and comfort your soul.
    Aloha ke akua. Malama pono. ~ K
  9. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    I hope that Hubs is feeling better. You are all going through so much stress. Once you are able to sleep, I hope you sleep well. I hope that you and Hubs can go home soon. It is not pouring...it is a typhoon.

    Sending positive thoughts.
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  10. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Thanks Feeling still here with all the bells and whistles. We are waiting for results. Not fun, but hubs is where he needs to be right now.
    Sleep well Feeling, we will be okay.
  11. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Leafy, You are an amazing woman. Your daughter knows that you are there for her. That is huge. I am praying for your family. Pat
  12. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
    We will need all the prayers we can get, hubs has been admitted. It is not the flu, so they are suspecting that endocarditis has reared its ugly head again. Sigh. Been in the ER, all night. They finally found a bed for hubs and will keep him over the weekend-iv antibiotics- until the cultures come back, it is wait and see right now.
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Leafie, I sure hope your husband recovers fast. You both dont need extra grief. Prayers for your fsmily.

    Leafie, please correct me if im wrong. I thought meth eas psycologically addictive but not physically so. Thats how I thought my daughter quit without being in a rehab or some hospital. Of course, meth was not her only drug. She also used cocaine and any speed, especially shredded up adhd drugs, adderall being her favorite. Then she took downers to sleep.

    She did tell me she never used needles... that they scare her. Do you snort meth?? I do believe her. She has no reason to lie at this point in time.

    I do hope there are better days ahead for your Rain.

    in my opinion all drugs are horrible. We are big on heroin here. It kills and is highly addictive. We are the heroin capital of Wisconsin. What a nice label to have. City dealers come up here to sell heroin at a higher price than their peers in Milwaukee can afford.

    Im glad my kids are all out of high school now. And again many prayers your way.
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Never mind. Its addictive. Very. I just looked it up again. Havent for years. I have no idea how Princess quit with only her boyfriend there.

    The article brought back bad memories...over activity then deep, deep sleep. Bags with white stuff. Rages. If she got psychotic, that part she hid well. Horrible drug. But they all are.

    Leafie, extra extra prayers for Rain.
  15. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    Leafy, just take it one day at a time. Stay the course. You are strong.

    Your husband will be healed and you all can breathe a sigh of relief. You are probably feeling like Zombie Leafy about now.

    When my brother had his heart problems, the hospital automatically gave me an employee discount in the cafeteria without my knowledge because I was there all of the time. I had discounted food, but I did not eat much...especially things that are considered bad for your heart...

    Do they have a chair that folds back into a bed? Have you been able to rest at all? Hopefully you are right now.

    You are all in my heart and prayers. Hubs will get the help that he needs. He will be on the mend. Your whole family needs a respite from stress.

    Take care, Leafy.
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2016
  16. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    New Leaf, I am sorry for your incredibly difficult day yesterday (no words).

    But...in a strange way...I am glad of you that you heard it all outright. We so often don't ever get to hear it outright and we just hear partial information, a lot of lies, half-truths, until our heads are reeling. I'm sure now your head is reeling in a whole new way. I don't know about you but I would rather know the truth than have to try to sort out a bunch of lies and half-truths.

    It sounds like the truth moved you forward.

    And then the complete distraction and worry about your husband. I hope he is more stable today and they are figuring things out.

    Perhaps the distraction gives you time and space not to have to process all of the court stuff, but to wait a bit...and then think more about it.

    Warm hugs today. I am sure you are exhausted. I hope you can get a very long nap this afternoon in a nice warm place with a soft pillow.

    Hang in there. We're here with you.
  17. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    I am glad Princess was able to quit meth. I am sorry for the heartache you went through with it.
    It is true all addictive drugs are horrible. I am hearing more and more about pot addiction. I think pot is way stronger now a days......Meth..... Ugh. I think my daughter smokes it.

    She is a very bright lady when not under the influence. By the testimony yesterday, her ex-boyfriend would accuse her of writing another mans name on her body and all over the floor and bathroom walls. Then beat her. The defense attorney tried to use that as an excuse for his violent behavior, "Isn't that why he was so angry, because you did this" (I could not believe he went there). I don't see Rain that often and had never heard all the details, and I really didn't need to.....anyway, after the court case that was all she could focus on.
    I don't know if she realized the guy is psychotic...Who knows what he was before meth? I am not making excuses for him, but he is someones son.
    I hate what he did.

    That's the really scary part how meth alters brain chemistry. Withdrawals don't produce the flu like systems other drugs do, but can present psychosis, depression.....amongst other mental effects, the big one being an inability to feel pleasure at all....
    (GN, with your vast knowledge I am sure you could expound on that.....)

    Thank you for your extra prayers, Serenity. She will need something this side of a miracle to overcome her meth use.
    I am hoping that all of this will light a spark in her to want better for herself.
  18. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    First of all, Leafy,let me tell you how sorry I am that you are going through all this. You're daughter will not get clean until she wants it bad enough. on the other hand, I hope your husband recovers soonest and with no ill effects from whatever infection he has.

    OK, about meth. Meth stimulates dopamine, which is the pleasure chemical. I've never done meth, so do not know anything about it personally. From what I understand, while the rush is said to be like no other drug, and high very pleasurable, the come-down is awful, fraught with physical and mental pain due to depletion of dopamine.

    The temptation is to keep doing more meth to avoid the come down. While on meth sleep is impossible. So, you combine the psychoactive effects of meth with the effects of days without sleep, and paranoia and psychosis develop.

    Many meth users use benzos in quantity to force sleep. They often sleep for extended periods of time, eat huge amounts of food, and seem to lack the ability to feel pleasure or happiness. This is because of dopamine depletion.

    In cases of heavy, long term use, this dopamine depletion can become permanent, leaving the individual unable to feel pleasure, a condition called anhedonia.

    Meth is not considered to be physically addictive, but is powerfully mentally addictive, and causes very strong cravings for the drug.

    The drug can be insufflated (snorted), taken orally, administered IV, taken rectally, or smoked in a "bubble pipe" (same as used for freebase or "crack" cocaine) In the US, smoking and snorting are the most popular methods of use. Rectal and IV are the routes with the highest bioavailability.

    Be aware that meth is also both cardio and neurotoxic in cases of regular use.
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  19. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Mahalo Feeling, I am a zombie, but have to head back to hubs and find out what is up. He will not ask the needed questions.........
    There is, but really uncomfy. I will spend the afternoon and go home to sleep. No sense in both of us being sick. I did rest Feeling, thank you.

    Com, I wholeheartedly agree with this, the truth while it hurts is always a good thing. It validated my suspicions and substantiated what we knew to be true, but Rain always denied. I am glad she wanted me to be in the courtroom. As hard as the truth of it is, it is now in the open, and hopefully it will be a catalyst for change.
    Thank you Com, fever is down a bit, but they are treating it as sepsis, which has serious implications. I am praying the antibiotics work, he has dealt with this infection twice before with the strongest known antibiotic, six weeks of iv therapy. It certainly feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders, but I am trying to think positively that he has beat it before. One more mountain to climb........
    Dear Com, thank you so much for your kindness. I will be off to the hospital soon. Trying to shake the cobwebs from my brain.........
  20. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Thank you GN for your comforting words and well wishes. It means a lot to me.
    I do so appreciate your knowledge and sharing. It seems almost like morbid curiosity, but I look at a lot of meth websites to educate myself and learn what has gripped my daughter so tightly in its claws. She used to be quite a robust woman, then appeared suddenly after not seeing her for about 10 months, I didn't recognize her. She must have dropped 100 pounds. I knew. I knew when I saw the aging in her face. I knew when she would come over, so down and depressed one day, then show up a few weeks later chatty and animated. I knew when she scrubbed the same spot in the kitchen for two hours. I knew my daughter was methnapped.

    She will have to want to break free of the monster. Perhaps, having to relay the details of her lifestyle in a courtroom will start a little spark within her to want something better for herself. I hope so. Working with the prosecutor, and advocate, having to present herself in court again, because it is the States case and she will be served a subpoena. They gave her information on DV shelters, programs and rehabs.
    I hope she will remember enough of who she really is, to fight to find herself again and her meaning and purpose.

    Thank you GN for your response. I am grateful for the time you took to think of my family and I.