I'll start by saying that I feel guilty for even asking this support from others since I have been posting vents and frustrations so much lately instead of offering support to others. I apologize for not giving back lately, and I realize others here have their own difficult child issues to deal with as well. difficult child has his court first thing tomorrow morning. He was transferred to detention on Friday because the GAL did not intervene this time to make sure he could stay where he was and be transported tomorrow before court. She tried to say it was because psychiatrist didn't call her. I'm with psychiatrist on this one- the GAL knew when court was- she didn't need a call from psychiatrist about it. Anyway, I visited difficult child today and he's using his fingernail to cut his arm. He says he has a lot of suicidal thoughts and needs to be in a psychiatric hospital right now. The reason I believe he's not just manipulating to try to stay out of detention is because he said it didn't matter what the judge ordered, even if she was going to let him come home which he doesn't expect, he is having horrible thoughts and needs to be in psychiatric hospital. He said he knew that once he was better, he would have to do any ordered time in detention anyway. Those are all his words. I don't think he's just manipulating. I think he is that hopeless and scared. There is no nurse much less mental health person there on weekends. I told difficult child to tell his defense attny the first minute he sees him in the morning, even if that's when they bring him into court. I told him if he could and wanted, it might be a good thing to tell the judge this himself, but make sure he tells his attny and if he goes back to detention after court, tell a nurse or menttal health person. When I came home, I called and left message for GAL relaying what difficult child said. I also told her that I'd rec'd the discharge papers and they said difficult child was discharged due to having a court hearing, not because he has recovered and that his staus is listed as "improved but not recovered". Also, I asked her to asked the dss sw in court, in front of the judge, if she would do a certificate of need for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and if the judge were to release difficult child from probation, would she allow me to do a parental placement into Residential Treatment Center (RTC) tomorrow. I figured it would help if sw had to answer these questions in front of the judge because how can she justify saying no? And, if she says yes to these in front of the judge, it seems it would be more difficult not to follow thru. Anyway- who knows how it will go. The minute that the judge learns that this isn't already arranged and I broke a court order, it might be over with no questions asked. I can at least say that all I need is for one of the approved agencies to do a freaking piece of paper and I can take difficult child to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). If they won't take it to the county team, I'll have to cash in difficult child's little college fund to pay the remaining cost that school district and medicaid won't cover, and that breaks my heart. It's just letting go of another mommy dream, you know. But difficult child won't make it through high school if something better doesn't happen now, so it's ok. I'm just glad that I can take stuff in writing to show that I have the costs covered and the GAL said Friday that she knows it's all about funding. I tried hard to get her to see why holding difficult child in the Department of Juvenile Justice system was the worst thing for him because instead of getting the help for him that the system is supposed to provide, they were actually not getting him any help, were undermining my afforts, and standing in the way of any other agency doing anything. And we've tried doing what the PO has said, but look at us individually and our relationship at this point. It is a detriment to difficult child to stay in this sytem and putting him deeper in it is not the answer. I should be in bed but carp- I can't sleep. difficult child told me he hasn't been able to sleep at all. I told him, yep, I know son, we are cut from the same mold. Poor kid.