Prayers needed for oldest son...almost lost him Sat. night

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by VickiL, Feb 19, 2008.

  1. VickiL

    VickiL New Member

    Please say a prayer or two for my oldest son. He is going through some heavy duty stress right now and seems that the only way he wants to handle it is by self medicating. He called me on Friday night and wanted help, but as an adult I couldn't do much for him but give him the crisis hotline numbers. Well, he came very, very close to accidentally overdosing Saturday night and remembers nothing for almost 3 days, didn't eat or drink anything but alcohol. I spent the better part of yesterday talking to him and going to his house. His girlfriend went to her mom's and took the baby and left her for the weekend.

    He is just so overwhelmed and doesn't do well with stress. He did call one crisis line only to be told it just sounded like anxiety and that they couldn't help him. I was in the room when he called...he was shaking and rambling and didn't tell them the full story, but felt blown off by them. This seems to happen every time he tries to get help. After three hours he seemed to calm down, but this morning he was feeling the same way.

    I know there is nothing I can do to help him and I do know that he loves his daughter and girlfriend very much and would never in a million years hurt them in any way. They are renting her aunt's basement for $400/month and now her aunt feels like they need to be told things to do (like a parent would, not like a landlord). Well, to say that this is going over like a lead balloon with him would be the understatement of the year. I have them pretty much convinced them that they need to save their money and get their own place, even if it's just a small one bedroom and they both agree. Her family is VERY domineering and a bunch of nut cases, but who am I to talk with my son acting this way.

    I know I need to get to out the Detachment 101's been a while since I've had to use it. I hope and pray he can get the help he needs (he has no health insurance) for his depression and anxiety. Please keep him in your prayers that something comes through that will help him. He did promise me, something he does not do lightly, that if he starts to feel like he did this weekend ever again, he will check himself into the hospital - health insurance or no health insurance.

    Thank you all for being here...I can't really talk to anyone else about this without breaking down in tears. It's been a very, very long day at work!
  2. NOLA

    NOLA New Member

    I am so sorry - I will keep him & your family in my prayers.
  3. judi

    judi Active Member

    My prayers are added too.
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Vicki, I'm sending good thoughts and prayers for your beloved son.

  5. Star*

    Star* call 911


    You know when our kids get like this 'sometimes' detaching isn't the best thing...I think what you did by being there for him was a blend of good parenting, good friend, no nonsense advice/therapist.

    I understand ALL about domineering families of x's. They were enought to drive me to drink too - when they did it - it was okay - when I did it - I was a weak, worthless, idiot - who shouldn't drown her sorrows in a bottle. Yeeeeeah. (whatever)

    You did the best thing - you showed your son that when there is NO ONE else in his corner - you're there. Then you left (near impossible) but you did it - and that sent a VERY POWERFUL message to your son without knowing you even did. You said "Son I'm here, I love you, here's my advice and I'll be at home if you need to talk."

    Bravo lady - that's not detaching - that's parenting at it's very best.
  6. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I agree with Star. Sometimes we do just need to be that parent that they know will be there but still knows they are their own adult. Does that make sense?
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Detaching is all good. However, I don't think what was happening with your son needing/asking for this type of help requires detaching. Honestly, I think the boy needed his mother, and I'm glad you were there for him.

    Has he tried to make an appointment at County Mental Health? The wait list to see a psychiatrist can be longish (depends where you are), but you don't usually have as long a wait to get in to see a therapist, and if they think the situation is enough to call in the psychiatrist, they will. Plus they could care less if he has insurance or not. Cost is based on income and number of people he is supporting.

    Personally, I'd keep the lines of communicaion wide open til your son can get into some help.

    Saying prayers.

  8. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm with the others, this wasn't a case where you detach, this is where you be a mom. He didn't start binging because he wanted to get drunk, he started drinking to try to help himself, to cope with too much pain. Huge difference in my mind. I'm glad you were there for your son. I'm just sorry he couldn't get any help.

    Hope they can save up the money quickly. It sounds like way too many stressors to keep living there.

    Hugs to all of you.
  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    Big hugs to you. I agree with MB verbatim.

    I'll be including your son in my prayer for the addict who still suffers this weekend.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I agree with Star and MB and the others. He needed a MOM and he has a wonderful one who was there for him.

    Sorry he is in so very much pain. I hope that he gets help soon.

    Hugs and prayers,

  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{Vicki}}} Your mommyheart must be bursting right now. I'm so sorry your son is going through this difficult time. I agree with the others that this is a TRUE time of need for him. You can be there for him, just don't get pulled in and wrapped up in their stuff (I say 'their' because this effects his child and girlfriend). You're a great mom.

    Sending more prayers and thoughts of well being - will he be seeing a professional at any time?
  12. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Adding my prayers for your son. (((Hugs)))

  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I am includinjg your family in my thoughts and prayers. Although I do not recall the details of your son, I think that he and his girlfriend should know
    that you are willing to help locate the support they need. That is not
    enabling or attachment. That is what family does for those in crisis.
    Hugs. DDD
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    OMG. You have all my prayers and love.
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911



    Just thinking about you! :kisses:

  16. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Vicky, prayers going out.....

  17. uncheerleader

    uncheerleader Pollyanna

    You did the right thing!!
    Almost lost mine in Oct. He too, cannot cope with too much stress.

    In Illinois, if they check themselves into the hospital they can qualify for partial, or full medicare. Sometimes permanent, sometimes temporary. You should tell him to look into it in your state.

    It's good for him to know that when everyone else fails him, even if you cannot help him, you will still be there for him to talk to.

    Many prayers and good thoughts!!
  18. VickiL

    VickiL New Member

    I am sorry for not getting on sooner with an update. We are trying to plan on when to take and where, our long overdue honeymoon cruise that was given to us 7 years ago by my husband's best friend who is the hotel director on one of the cruise lines (looks like Mexico in April!!), we are in the middle of a HUGE ice storm and I have been trying to forget how close I came to losing my son.

    He has calmed down and told off his girlfriend's aunt (something that was long overdue!) and he feels better. He knows he needs to get help for his depression, stress and anxiety. He is the type of person who holds stuff in until he blows rather than dealing with it when it happens. He is such an intense young man, with such intense, one or or the other feelings! He's been like that since he came out of the womb:) Somedays it's a good thing, other days not so much. This is just something he has to figure out on his own, with the help of his girlfriend.

    My sister has offered for them to move to CA and get on their feet. She is a travelling nurse and has to stay in LA while her house in the desert sits empty or my mom and stepdad stay with her animals. They would have a 4 bdr. 3 ba. house all to themselves except for the occaisional weekend that my sister comes home. Her house is HUGE...way too big for just her. Anyway, it would be rent free and far away from girlfriend's psycho family...but also too far away from this Grandma who would miss them all so, so much. But if it means them getting some money together, time for just the three of them and stability, well, it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Plus my mom and stepdad live 15 minutes from my sister and would help them out, too. I'm just jealous that my mom would get to spoil Kyla while I'm stuck in the middle of the country!! husband did say I could go out a few times a year to visit. He knows how much this would hurt my mommy and grandma heart!

    They are discussing it and will get back to my sister when they decide what to do. All I can do is just be here for them, which I will be forever, no matter what.

    I cannot thank you all enough for the prayer, hugs and good wishes. They mean the world to me!
  19. Star*

    Star* call 911

    vicky -

    I think for your sister to offer her home for your son, girlfriend and dgdd is PHENOMINAL -

    Sounds like a break would do everyone good.

    Do you think crazy girlfriend family would go and stay near or with them?

    No one needs that - just asking.

    thanks for the update
  20. VickiL

    VickiL New Member

    Oh Star, these people have never left Missouri...there is NO CHANCE, or no way, that any of them will go. In order to stay so dysfunctional they need to stay together. I know it would upset some of them, but they are so self-centered they would not think of how wonderful of an opportunity it is for the kids and the baby. Plus, with my sister being a nurse, she has some good connections to get Justin help with his medications. It's a win-win for everyone. Even me - I'd get to go and see my family a few times a year instead of once or twice every couple of years! I would just miss Kyla so much, but all that matters is that her daddy and mommy are healthy and happy. I don't know if girlfriend is going to go along with it. She's never been out of MO, either. Well, we did take her to TX last October. It was her first trip out of the state ever! I'm just staying out of their decision making. Something I doubt her family will do...

    Thanks for being such a good friend! I so needed it this week:)