Problems at school already!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JKF, Sep 19, 2011.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    My 10 y/o difficult child is having some major problems at school and we're not even a week in yet! He is not doing his class work and is defying his teachers. His one teacher pulled me aside on Friday when I went to pick him up and told me that he said he's too tired to do work because I make him stay up until 10:30 pm every night! That's nuts! Bedtime is at 8 pm on the DOT every night. Actually I should say "was" because his new bedtime is now 7 pm. For now the teacher and I are going to stay in daily contact but I'm thinking he may need an aid in class to help him. He does great on his homework because I'm there sitting next to him. I really think he needs that at school to help him stay focused.

    Also, no matter what I do he's very unorganized and forgetful.

    Any suggestions or tips on what I can do?
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Those are the types of things I struggled with for a long time with the school, only my son never gave a "my mom made me......" excuse. A 1:1 aide would be wonderful, if you can get one. I fought for a year to get one to no avail. They can help with organization as well. I did plan B with difficult child about the organization stuff at school. Everyone at school insisted he write things in a planner. His suggestion was a digital recorder. We tried it since it was mutually satisfactory and it worked. Good luck!!
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Lets see... 10 yrs old - that's likely either grade 4 or grade 5, right?
    ADHD as a diagnosis...

    We got hammered by that combo. Ended up being... motor skills issues that caught up with him when the workload got heavier, and auditory issues - hearing through background noise. The fact that he does better at home with you, than at school - really sounds like auditory stuff - because classrooms are really noisy.

    The whole "tired" thing. Sounds like an excuse. Teachers will ALWAYS take it as an excuse. But, not necessarily true. There may be sleep issues - quality of sleep, not just quantity. Motor skills issues can generate fagitue, as well - he might be tired from writing as opposed to tired from lack of sleep...

    Just some ideas...
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    Bedtime is at 7. what time does he actually fall asleep? When you check on him is he really sleeping? There could be a difference in timing there. Does he wake up on his own or do you have to wake him? It is also possible to be getting too much sleep which ironically can make you feel tired. (I don't make up the rules)
  5. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    TeDo - He had an aide in the 3rd grade but they felt he didn't need one in the 4th grade which is total BS. He's now in 5th grade and things are only getting harder! He definitely needs someone to help him on a one on one basis. He has a planner which the teacher signs daily but a recorder sounds like a wonderful idea. Will have to give it a try!

    InsaneCdn - I have a feeling that it is an auditory issue. He gets distracted by any kind of noise or chaos and then that's it. He can't get back into what he was doing before he was distracted. I'm going to see if there is any way they can pull him out of certain classes he's having the most trouble with and work with him in a smaller, more quiet setting.

    Kiesta - His new bedtime is at 7. Lights out is at 8 pm. He has an hour to read before he goes to sleep. His old bedtime was 8 with lights out at 8:30. I think this new bedtime will work a little better because now he has an hour to unwind before he actually has to go to sleep. When I checked on him at 8:30 last night he was fast asleep. Usually I have to wake him (which takes forever!) but he woke up on his own this morning about 15 minutes before his alarm usually goes off.

    He's a really nice kid but the ADHD makes it impossible to deal with him sometimes. I just want to make sure he's getting all he can out of school and also make sure that the teachers understand that sometimes he just CAN'T concentrate no matter how hard he tries.
  6. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hello, JKF. Is there any possibility he really is tired, even if he is sleeping a lot? Just putting this out as the most tentative of ideas - if it doesn't speak to you, please discard at once :) - but one of the theories I have read about ADHD is that these are actually children who are fighting off sleep and tiredness all the time by their hyperactivity... They did some experiment in Paris in which they showed that, given conducive conditions, ADHD kids actually went to sleep much quicker than the "normal" group. Certainly this is borne out by what I have seen in my son, who is hyperactive but, when he slows down a moment, actually often looks and seems tired... Despite sleeping from 8 at night to 7 or 8 in the morning most nights.
    As I say, just a thought that I tender for your consideration :)
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    If you suspect auditory issues... push for Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluation and insist that they test for "auditory discrimination" and "auditory filtering" - these are the "background noise" issues.

    If you can't get it through the school, go private if you have to.

    You need "proof" - once you have that, it goes into IEP - and can include anything from sound-field systems (mic for teacher) to EA assistance and/or one-on-one/small-group pull-out to note-taking service, etc.
  8. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    In addition to the above suggestions (sometimes needs more than one answer to a problem):

    When was his last medication check? Do you have one scheduled in the very near future? Maybe he needs a medication change in dose or type? Has he ever stated if he can feel more focused on the medication? Does he feel it is helping? Now that school has started, it would be beneficial to have another visit with the psychiatrist. For now, ask your son how the day goes for him. Is there certain times he feels he can't concentrate - it could be the class or it could also be the time. If you haven't had a medication check recently or one coming up, leave a note for the psychiatrist with the information you get from your difficult child as to how he is feeling throughout the day.

    When my difficult child has increased difficulty in concentrating, we talk to the psychiatrist about it. There has been some times when an increase in medications was done. Seems like the beginning of the school year is common to see the need for a medication change as the kid can often times go through summer and get by without concentrating.