pushing our difficult child's to make them stronger.......

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Nov 10, 2008.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    me again, just eating up our boards lately... I promise i'll take a break after this one...:future:

    I pushed difficult child today, with the "future" in mind, her's that is. Hopefully making her a little bit stronger. As with many of us getting our difficult child's to school in a.m. can be a struggle. Our situation and my persistance has def. paid off. difficult child last year would fight me up to 3 hours to go in, there were days I didn't know if I could do it, yet in the end this year its considerably better. IMPROVEMENT, even the slightest makes me wanna :dance:

    Yet difficult child had a hard weekend, and I had a feeling today wouldn't go well, she's also had a cold which she hates and doesn't handle not feeling well at all. So, she awoke this morning saying she was giong to throw up, her stomach hurt, her head hurt, her throat was sore. I had to gauge ok is this the daily somatic complaints or more this time? I gave her toast and a little oatmeal and decided i'd call doctor. So, off we went winds up she only has a cold, no fever, no strep, no stomach virus. Just a cold and slightly under the weather.

    Than it began she cried so hard and badly. Was so very sad she had to go to school, doctor said send her, she's even off tomorrow which can be utilized somewhat after therapy for some rest maybe movie, etc.

    I'll be honest if this was easy child i would of said it's late already you do have a cold just come home i'll make you soup, tea, etc. yet with difficult child you cannot do that. She will remember the "cold", remember how Mommy let her stay home and she will battle me harder come wed. to go back into school. So, i sat in truck calmed her best I could (all I wanted to do by the way was hold her and take her home with me), I told her how brave she was and so strong for going in today. How great of a night she would have, she loves taco night on mondays with all the kids. So, after 40 min. i got her to calm, to stop crying to drink some water.

    It kinda stinks at times that we almost have to push them even harder because their difficult child's, because there will be plenty of days as well all know that their mental instability will look to affect them, stop them dead in their tracks and we as their parents have to build them up at every turn, and than learn when to hold them close.

    So, anyway me sharing again. I'm quite sure there are many out there with whom have been in this exact situation and cringed at having to make them deal when they truly don't want to. Yet I'm trying to learn and keep her moving upward and not stagnat.
     
  2. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Good job mom!

    Today was wee difficult child's first day without the aide. It took me 50 minutes to leave him at school, but I was so proud of him. He didn't try to go home; he didn't manipulate to get out of school; he just couldn't handle going into the classroom with the one teacher who we have problems with, so he asked to sit on the step outside the classroom until another teacher went into the room, too. I can accept that - he's coping. He sat on that step, by himself, and took deep breaths and went thru other self-calming techniques, and I watched him from a few feet away - heart simultaneously breaking that he has to struggle like this, and swelling with pride at his true attempt at independence at doing something that truly challenges him to the core.
    ***
    When the second teacher came, he cried, he took a big breath, and he went into the classroom, right beside her.
     
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Ok wow see what improvement that showed. So impressed I am!! That's great! It rips us up at times, yet it builds them up lol.
     
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I have never felt so many emotions for one person in my life - somedays, its almsot a love/hate thing. LOL

    It is so hard to watch him struggle with what the other kids don't even think about. But he gets up the next morning and tries again...

    Oh, and PS. I will make a provision for him today and pick him up right after school instead of sending him to the after school program he normally goes to. But I will not tell him I am early, and if he notices, I will say I just got off work early. I know today is going to be hard for him because the aid is gone, so I'll pick him early to lessen his load a little. If need be, we'll work up to the after school program over the course of the week. But I'll blame it on my work schedule, not him.

    (I occassionally take off early when he's having really good days, too, just to keep it mixed up a little and so he hopefully doesn't connect that bad behavior = mom comes early).
     
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi

    I know exactly what you mean. I love both my children, yet difficult child has a special place within me. I've never had a person aggrivate me and move me and humble me so much at the same time. It's so very confusing at times, isn't it??

    That's good what you do, or did today rather. I have to learn to start switching up activities, i keep a strict routine to avoid triggers and meltdowns maybe i should begin slowly switching things up so she begins to try to adapt.

    today went well, i was so relieved and happy i made the right decision. I know it sounds silly it was such a simple thing this morning yet she was truly upset and melting down and i pushed and pushed her in that door.

    I picked her up today she was all smiles :) Saying i'm so glad you sent me today it was rough but i made it. yea!!!
     
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