I had to get out of the house a while so after I ran some errands, I stopped by a place I used to go and had a couple of beers. I ran into a man I used to know but I never got very close to him because I had trouble understanding or agreeing with how he seemed to be raising his son. His son has been in and out of trouble since he was about 12- clearly a difficult child. This man is divorced from the mother, by the way, and he had custody most of the time because the mother simply could not control this boy. The man could conotrol him some but allowed him to drink, smoke pot, and have the entire finished basement to do what he wanted with friends- male or female. This guy kept insisting on allowing his son to do this stuff with certain boundaries defined- not hard ddrugs, not too much alcohol, sex with condom, etc, and thought this was going to work. I know many who subscribe to that theory, my bro being one, but I neever thought it was a good idea, especially with a difficult child. This man went to extreme lengths to get his son out of trouble every time he'd get into trouble. Now he is incarcerated in an adult jail for cops coming over and getting caught after hiding in the attic (where the father was covering for him) and disposing of evidence (heroin). Well, even after that he got out on bond and the father drove him to his mother's to hide the son. She found heroin and was getting worried and fed up both so she turned him in and that's how he got into adult jail (he recently turned 21). This guy is all bent out of shape because he doesn't know what to do and says he nor the son want anything to do with the mom because she turned him in. I upset him when I said that I didn't blame her- we're talking heroin and this could kill him and he's old enough to take repsonsibility for his own life now. The courts ordered him into a drug treatment program that is given while the person is incarcerated. The son refused to stay in itt. Now all this and he gets released soon, after only doing 3 mos in. (I can't believe my son got over 1 year and has done less for less years, but I digress.) Anyway, I understand the father being upset because he says he can't find a locked, private rehab to send his son to at his age for hard drugs- he can only find one for alcohol. But you know, I don't think this guy gets the whole addeiction, enabling, waiting-too-long concept. I really didn't mean to upset him but he was shaking and ran out pretty quick last night. He did tell me to call him today but I'm not sure I should. I feel bad about it but I don't see any way I can tell him what he wants to hear at this point. He just kept repeating "m,y son is in jail, he's on heroin, he's hit his girlfriend, he has no job skills and only a GED and he's about to be released." While I understand by foreseeing that possibility in my son and hearing simmiolar stories on this board, it's hard for me to symp[athise in this situation when with this man's child-rearing approach the past ten years, I could only look at him and think "what did you expect". He refused my suggestions of therapy, medications, wilderness program/Residential Treatment Center (RTC), etc years ago and fought against any of those opportunities when the courts tried to provide them to the boy as a juvenile. Now he is upset because he's an adult and the father can't force it and the son is refusing it.