Roller Coaster

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Tymica, Feb 26, 2014.

  1. Tymica

    Tymica Member

    difficult child has been at rehab for 10 days now. When we have talked to him and seen him, he looks great, hes thinking clearly and he is able to hold a conversation. This is the best news I've had with him in the last 4 months. He called last night and told his dad how excited he was to come home and get back to life. He wanted to put all of his energy into football so he could "rock his senior year". Then today we got a letter from school. They are expelling him. I am devastated. They want me to send him to an alternative high school, which is the exact peer group I am trying to distance him from. It is so ironic that this all started because of a sports injury and has lead to him losing the 1 thing that think could keep him on track for the rest of his time in high school, sports. Anyway, I will go see him Saturday and break the news to him, and in the meantime I will be trying to figure out how we will manage to have him graduate high school.

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  2. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Oh thank you, I am so sorry. Of course you are crushed and your hope---for today anyway---is flattened. Hugs to you.

    I have often heard that any rehab has an influence. Hold tight to the thought that he has had some really good days there that may provide a foundation later on.

    And thank you, I hear in your post a lot of responsibility for his actions and his decisions and his friends. You can't manage that, thank you, as much as you want to.

    Even if he goes to the best high school in the world away from his old friends---if he wants to connect with them---he will.

    It is up to HIM, thank you. Hold tight to that thought, too, thank you. Yes, sports would be great, it sounds like, and would keep him busy and tired!

    You can't know his future, thank you, and the journey that he has to walk to build a life. For all of us, that journey is filled with twists and turns and disappointments and change. It is filled with uncertainty. We can handle that so much better for ourselves---accepting that truth---than we can for our precious difficult children.

    I hope you are getting some good support from books and this board and groups like Al-Anon. This is the pathway to peace for you, thank you.

    Why are you having to tell him about being expelled? Is that something THEY can do?

    We are just bystanders, thank you, in others' lives and that is the hard work we have to do. We have to let them go and they have to make their own way, however ugly it is. It is the hardest thing we will ever do in our lives----to stand by and watch.

    Hugs and prayers and hope and blessings for you today, thank you.
  3. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    thank you, I really feel for you. Our situations are similar. I remember how nice it was when my difficult child was in treatment. He was so clean headed and nice. I also remember just a couple wks ago when the school he attends threatened to expelled him. I was overwhelmed with fear. He too is a senior, I so badly want to see him graduate. I don't know what we would/will do. I say will because his random drug test yesterday was tampered with. He's at a recovery high school) if they can prove it, hes likely out.

    Have you looked for a Recovery HS in your area?
  4. Tymica

    Tymica Member

    Unfortunately we do not have a recovery school, I think that would be the ideal place for him. At this point I am going to appeal the schools decision to the school board. I dont think hes got much of a shot with that but he has been really good friends with a few of the school board members kids up until the peer group changed 4-5 months ago so there is some hope. Other than that his only viable options are to go to the alternative school (where I dont think he will last 2 weeks) or drop out, work until he turns 17 and then go get his GED and we will sign off for him to enlist in the military. I unfortunately have to take some responsibility for this because I have to allow him to live here until he is 18, and when he lives here he will follow my rules, 1 of which is you must be in school and/or attempting to be a productive human being. So when I see him saturday we will talk appeal strategy, options if the appeal falls through, and his responsibility in all of this. Then I will allow him to choose and be at peace with whatever his choices are because they are his to make ( this is something so hard for me as I am a self admitted control freak, but through this experience and this board I am just repeating "he is going to do what he is going to do. I can only control my reactions and expectations)

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