Scared to death....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by timer lady, Jun 19, 2009.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I'm finding it harder & harder to leave my home. More than the physical issues it's become emotional.

    Saying that, my therapist along with the grief group I attend are pushing me to get out of my home. Especially during all this construction. You know if I leave the house will fall down, don't you? therapist is encouraging me to check in here daily - he knows what a great group of parents & what a support you have all been to me.

    I mentioned to therapist the CD gathering that is happening someplace in Ohio (Cleveland, right?) & he wants me to move mountains to get there.

    Ladies, I'm going to be honest dad's surprise party 2 weeks ago terrified me. I didn't want to be there - face all those people (80 strong), most of them family. A few of my aunts & a couple of my cousins started crying when they saw me - they were shocked at the change in my physical condition even though my dad had shared with them my issues. Some were not aware of husband's death or even wm not living here. I left the party early & went back to dad's house.

    I get to the CD gathering I can't leave early. Just can't happen. I feel isolated, alone. I need encouragement.

    Last edited: Jun 21, 2009
  2. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Well I for one would love to meet you. I have always enjoyed our conversations. The one thing that you do have with us is....we don't know a you from before or after anything. Just a you that types here like the rest of us. And if you need a breather you can always head to your room for a while.

    In the midst of the worst of what difficult child behavior we had here before they ended up in the places they did I could barely get out of the house. I certainly didn't do it alone. I was told to go have a coke at a resturaunt by myself. It was the hardest thing for me to do. But after much encouragement (and nagging by some) I did it. The reasons were different but the fact was I needed to do something to not get into the cycle of not leaving.

    We are here for you. We care for you and your family. Because we are all family here.

    So come and join us.

  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs. I cannot even imagine what you are going thru. If I was able to go to the gathering(not possible due to finances), I would be with you the whole time. I don't care what you look like, I've never seen you so I would have nothing to compare too (as I am sure is the case alot of the time with those on the board.) I wish I could do more than give cyber encouragement. I am sure that the members who are able to go will give you support and encouragement.

    Ps. I think if you are able to go then you should. You aren't too far are you?

  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda...I have very similar issues. In fact, I you probably know I go to therapy every week, right? We have this therapy plan for me with goals on it. One of my goals is that I work on not isolating myself because of my anxiety.

    You cannot imagine (well maybe YOU my anxiety over meeting this whole group of people from the board. I love this board and everyone on it. I truly feel like without this board I wouldnt be here today but I am feeling so afraid and vulnerable about actually meeting people in person.

    Im not physically or emotionally healthy either. I dont want others to see that. I want to be the superwoman. Im not. We know you arent either and I think everyone here knows that about both of us. Ya know? I dont think they are gonna think any less of us.

    Tell ya what....please come. You can be there for me and I will be there for you. We can both be scared to death to be out in public together. I will have my wheelchair so if you bring yours, you wont feel so alone. Tony is coming so if you need a push, he can push us both or I can also roll myself.

    Please, please come. I need a buddy too.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    FWIW, I think it's much easier facing strangers than it is to face family. Your family knows all of your failings, your faults, your secrets, your embarassing moments--and they feel no boundaries when it comes to judging you.

    Go to the gathering. Make some new friends in person. You will have a wonderful time.

  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I had the same type of anxiety after being run over by the truck. It grew steadily worse until it got to the point where I didn't want to answer the phone, the door, and was terrified to leave the house. Riding in a car was my own personal hades on earth.

    psychiatrist and I came up with a plan. I had to work on these things and do them even if I had to talk myself thru every moment.

    I got better. I don't think it's completely going to go away. But like Janet, I have to force myself to do those things. Because as long as I'm doing them I'm ok. When I stop doing's like starting over again.:faint:

    The gathering would be so good for you Linda. Surrounded by people who love you and know whats been going on. A chance to get away, have a bit of fun, some laughs. I think the break would do wonders for both your physical and emotional health.

    Stupid husband messed up my going. But I still may be able to swing at least spending a day up there. (even if I have to drag him up there to do it) I'm scared to death to meet everyone......yet want to so bad I can't stand it. I don't do large crowds in public well. But for this.....I'll force myself.

    I'd love to see you there too. You , me, and Janet can hang together. :D

  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh there is no way in hades I would be doing this for anyone other than this group of people!

    I have invented tons of excuses why I cant go but between Tony and my therapist they are forcing my I think they would just shove me in the car if I was comatose! What a guy, Tony is giving up buying a riding lawn mower which we very much need just to get me there. Instead we will just have to hire someone to come cut the grass this summer and save to buy one next year.
  8. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I have to be the crazy one and ask where is the gathering?! That is amazing. I feel like all these people on this board know more about me than my own family!!!!! I have shared so much pain and happiness on this board. It would be fun to see the people I talk to everyday. I am sure it is too far for me to go - just give me a hint.......
  9. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member missed a lot. There is a convention in Ohio in July. See the top of this forum for more details.

    I can't go, because I have family coming up that weekend, but I'm bummed that I won't be able to meet a lot of you, especially you, Linda!

    I can certainly understand why you felt the need to escape, when your family was around you, especially at their reaction to your health deterioration, but we all know you, what you've been through and you know what we've all been through. You won't have to worry about our reactions. Everyone loves you on this board. We've all cheered, cried, prayed and greived right along with you. You can do this.

    Gosh darn it, I wish I was able to go!
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member can just follow my car! I will be the lil gold focus with "Ohio or Bust" on the back
  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    If I make it it will be a last minute decision. Ohio isn't very close by, so I will wait and see what happens with airfare and hotels closer to the date.

    Please know that we won't be at all shocked by your appearance. We have never met you, so you will be what you are that day, which is a very brave woman who has had a pretty rough year. It will be our turn one day, and we want to see you try, because we know if you try you will succeed. We know all about your losses this year, so those things won't be news to us, either, and you won't have to explain them.

    I really hope that you will come. It's a "come as you are" gathering because we wouldn't have you any other way. Big hugs.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Linda,
    I so wish I was going, I want to see you again and meet everyone. I am still trying to figure out a way to get from Michigan to Ohio on Saturday after my niece's shower but it doesn't look good.

    I really hope you decide to go, we love you Linda, as you are! You know we are here for you.
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Adding in my wish that you join us! I would love to meet you.
  14. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I'll let you in on a secret: the idea of going and meeting so many people at once terrifies me, too.

    But if there is a group of more accepting people out there, I haven't found it.
  15. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Linda, we all understand and empathize as much as we can. But...I still think you should go. I don't know if I'll make it or not but I'm going to try even if only for a day. I really want to meet you not only because you and I have a lot in common as far as our kids go but also because you're...well, YOU!

    At your Dad's party, people were taken aback by your appearance because they had expectations based on the past. WE don't have that. WE'VE never met you. You could show up in a cat suit and on ice skates and we wouldn't know any different. (Might think you need a medication tweak but we wouldn't know any different! :tongue: ) Bring some of your project stuff with you and keep in your room. If you start to feel overwhelmed, tell us and retreat to your room for a couple of hours. We'll understand. We won't let you hide out the whole weekend but we WILL understand. I honestly think you NEED to do this and not necessarily because it's a board thing. I think you need to just do something away from the house for YOU. (See! I'm right there with your therapist and I don't even have a college degree!!! LOL)

    My mom HATES to travel, HATES people and HATES anything new or out of her little comfort zone. Flying especially almost pushes her over the edge of anxiety. She recently flew (all by herself!) from Indiana to New Mexico to see her oldest sister. It's probably the last time she will have seen her sister and now that it's over, she's glad she did it. But ahead of time....omg...she almost drove me nuts with the questions about flying, worrying about having too many baggies because of her medications, worrying about what if's. She was this close to bursting into tears when my husband took her to the airport. I think she WAS in tears when she called me from the airport in New Mexico before her niece and another sister found her. What's the point of this story? My cousin summed it up nicely. She said that Mom was "having a great time in spite of herself". If you come to Cleveland, I think the same will be said for you too.

    Please come.
  16. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Linda, I'm not below begging so please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please try and make it. I so empathize with you. My husband is in recovery now---at least I think he is, but there but by the grace of God....
  17. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Linda, I remember the last time I was so overwhelmed with anxiety that I had given myself a 10 mile limit to travel. I could make it to work (it was within that 10 mile radius) and to get groceries and Rob's therapy. But travel beyond that for fun? HA!

    And then I was given a reason to really WANT TO go outside that parameter. And I did. And it was wonderful!

    I hope you will find a reason that will be important enough for you to force yourself to break out of that box.

    If it's this trip to Cleveland, Heaven knows, there will be plenty of us who understand anxiety so we might join you if you retreat! - :rofl:

  18. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Thanks Janet! I wish I could come too. I dont even know how to get to Ohio. Why dont yall come to South Carolina?! I feel like yall are my family.
  19. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Linda, everyone here has had good things to say about this. I agree it would probably be a great thing for you to go to the meeting. I wish I could also, but the docs have said no until I am more stable on medications.

    We hope you will and can and do go. But we will love you even if you stay home.

    Heck, maybe someone can take a webcam and let us see the festivities??
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Stands...I dont have a clue how to get to Ohio either but that is what they make GPS systems and mapquest for. I think I am borrowing Jamie's GPS system I got him 2 years ago.