School/restaraunt behavior/links/weighing on my mind

[Shari]

Hi all.
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I have been buried this past week, so I didn't post many details, but I did mention that yet another of difficult child's aids mocked him. After the weekends' incidents, it is really weighing on me. This makes the one teacher and 2 aids THAT I'VE CAUGHT. Now I'm questioning how many more do it?
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Last week, Wednesday, I beleive, I was called to school urgently to pick up difficult child. I still don't know what happened to set it off; he was obviously doing something he shouldn't, but it had escalated to him throwing chairs again. When I got there, they had just restricted him to a corner of the room and were letting him be. He was still holding a chair, sliding it on the floor and repeatedly slamming it into the wall and screaming. I found out later that what escalated it was when he first started to lose in, an aid pointed him out to the class and said "look at difficult child. Doesn't he look cute?" There was no bringing him back after that.
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Saturday, the school had a float in the parade, and difficult child wanted to be a part, so we went. He was absolutely fine until that teacher showed up, and then he fell apart. Anxiety all the way. When I asked him what was wrong, thru his tears, he clearly said "I just can't do it! I just can't be good when SHE's (touching that teacher's leg) here!" Yet another aid (one we haven't had a trouble with, that I'm aware of) sharply said "She doesn't have anything to do with it!" in defense of the teacher. The teacher motioned for her to let it go, and the aid said "But it just makes me mad that he blames you."
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I heard it, but I was paying attention to difficult child. I took him off the float for a while and calmed him down, then promised to stay close if he wanted to ride, which he did. I stayed closed and another teacher's older daughter jumped on and he buddied up with her and had a good time.
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Later that night, we went to the small local mom and pop restaraunt for supper. They know us well and allow for difficult child's "issues", so its not stressful for him. Or at least never has been. While waiting for dinner, difficult child was coloring with a basket of crayons the restaraunt keeps. I don't recall what we asked him to do, but it set him off and he got beligerant again. We were trying to calm him back down when he rose up on his knees in the chair, slammed the backet of crayons down, and yelled "AM I SO CUTE?? HUH? HUH?? AM I JUST CUTE NOW??!!?!!" And then he hid himself under the table and cried.
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I really thougth we were getting on top of this problem, but I guess I beleive now that the staff has been poisoned by that one teacher. I beleive there is probably no chance of salvaging this environment now, and it breaks my heart, because there are some people there who work really, really well with difficult child. Even the one teacher that he has struck steps up to the plate with him.
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Just makes my heart heavy to know how much difficult child is taking these comments to heart; what I thought were a couple of isolated incidents seem to be more and more the norm. I have one last ditch effort in mind (I'm going to tell them this story), but I am contacting our public school to request the IEP meeting.

 

[klmno]

I'm sorry he's having to deal with this. difficult child's teachers used to be that way with him- apparently thinking if they embaressed him enough, he would just "act" like everyone else. What got things turned around for us was documenting these things and sending a stern letter to Special Education director at the school board with a copy to the principal and providing copies of info (printed from CABF, for example) that included behavior related symptoms of the diagnosis and startegies that should and should not be used in dealing with kids who have these issues in the classrooom. I also mentioned to them (actually, I cc'd) a Special Education attny. Things turned around quickly after that. But, each school year, it seems we go thru an "educational process" of getting a few teachers on board with the concept.

If they don't get on board quickly, I offer more and more written material. They don't act like they want it but they seem to get on board then- I think they get the message that I will bombard them with educational material on this diagnosis and what works with difficult child until they start treating him like he should be treated. My son isn't perfect, as we all know, but no kid should be embaressed in front of his classmates like that and they are not very wise if they think that will help a difficult child's issues.

 

[BusynMember]

If he has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)/autism this makes sense to me. Overstimulation. Of course, he has a lot of diagnosis. Are you sure of what he has? What are they focusing on?

 

[Shari]

I'm not even sure what the diagnosis of the day is.

I think the current "official" diagnosis is ADHD and BiPolar (BP), but I have lost track, they argue back and forth and change it as often as one's underwear...

I still beleive with my being that he has some form of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). He was not social and had NO attachments to people til he was 3, and he still stims non-stop. And I just think that we are dealing with some kind of delay related to that. His therapist and psychiatrists agree. But it will probably be a cold day in you know where before he gets that diagnosis again, and its no matter, cause the treatment plan didn't change when he had that diagnosis.

I am very frustrated.

But mostly heartbroke. He took that aid's comment to heart, and 4 days later threw it back at us.

How much more is this happening? How many more of his comments are second-hand?

 

[susiestar]

Oh Shari, it made me cry when I read what he said. It is so HATEFUL of the teachers to make fun of kids, esp ones with problems. I know sometimes our kids are not likeable but that does NOT mean that teachers can mock them and make fun of them!

I still carry scars from teachers (even NUNS) who told my classmates I was a "freak" and a "dyke" because I was smarter than the other kids. NO elementary school child should have to worry about this - it is cruel and unusual punishment.

I can totally sympathize with difficult child not being able to behave if a certain person was around. You get so tense, worrying with every BREATHE if you are doing soemthing wrong. Every step you take, every inhale or exhale, you are worrying if that is what will make them call you names. I spent so many YEARS trapped with people who did that to me, had me feeling like that.

I had HOPED that education had moved past this stage.

I will come smack those teachers and aids upside the head until they get it through their numb skulls that their behavior is WRONG and CRUEL if you want.

This really sounds like Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or another autistic spectrum disorder. If you don't have a private Occupational Therapist (OT) they can REALLY help with the overstimulation problems.

Gentle hugs to all of you.