She finally got CAUGHT - YEE-HAW!!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bran155, Dec 27, 2008.

  1. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Well, we got the phone call last night, or should I say this morning around 4 am. My town's PD called and said she was picked up in the Bronx and is at Central Booking on her way to Rikers Island - OUCH!!! She was booked on assault charges and resisting arrest. I could just see it, she probably went nuts when they caught her. Because she is in the system as a "missing person" they contacted my PD and they called me. Thank God my sister remembered to tell the cop who took the missing person's report that my daughter sometimes uses an alias, that's the name she gave which in turn was linked to the missing person's report. Sorry if that is a bit confusing. Anyway, I called Central Booking and they said she would see a judge today. I made sure to tell them her real name and that she has a warrant out for her. They said that would come up after she gets fingerprinted. I must say the Bronx police are not as nice as the police in my town. They were actually pretty nasty. I guess it's par for the course. They said my daughter would be calling me after she was finished with the booking process. She never did. I was very surprised. But glad nontheless!!! I did not go down to the courthouse today nor will I. I will not visit her in Rikers Island either!!! NO WAY!!!

    I called my sw and left her a message. I am not quite sure what happens now as I am fairly new to the criminal justice system. I know that I am extremely relieved. It's as though someone lifted a thousand pound weight off my shoulders. It's bitter sweet, on the one hand I am so happy she is off the streets, on the other hand Rikers Island is like Hell on earth!!! So I am a bit worried for her and saddened that she is there. However the risk is much greater for her to be out on the streets than in any Jail!!! I just pray that the warrant comes up and she is not released. If she didn't call me with her one phone call then she most likely called whoever she was "working" for. I hope to God that she won't be bailed out.

    My poor mother is a nervous wreck. She knows my daughter is much better off in jail than on the streets but it is hard for her to deal with all of this. She just loves our kids so much. Her Granny heart is hurting. :( I am sad but much more relieved than anything. No more visions of me identifying her body. At least for the time being. I really hope this is her bottom. I hope she learns from this and makes the choice to better herself. It will be up to her. I will not hold her hand through this, I will only hold her hand through treatment. She is on her own until she makes an effort to change her life. My love for her is still very much present however, I am not a weakling anymore and I refuse to be dragged down with her!!!

    Thank you once again my friends. And thank you for all of the support on my other thread. I truly don't know how I would have gotten through this without you.

    God bless.

    Shawna :)
  2. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    I'm glad to hear that she was caught. I haven't posted much about it, but your strength through this has amazed me. Huge hugs to you and yours

  3. compassion

    compassion Member

    Shawna, I know what a relief it is to have her off the streets. You are an inspiration. Compassion
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Shawna that's huge huge news. You must be extremely relived at this point, yet the bittersweet thing i'm totallly getting as well.

    Now i have a question and this is a topic of which we have spoken of a few times in regards to ppl entering the criminal justice system that have severe accesss 1 diagnosis's. I guess you will have to fill in as you go.

    I"m guessing the whole idea now is to rehabiltate her, I think she's at her low now. I am glad it came. This reprieve for you was so needed. You have done an amazing job keeping it together I just wanted to tell you.

    You weathered xmas like a pro, and there will be more to come yet that vision of a body bag, I cannot even begin to imagine how you felt with that in your head.

    ((((Hugs)))) keep us posted.
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm so glad she's off the streets. Let's hope they transfer her to your jurisdiction. That would probably be the best choice. Your strength in all of this is truly amazing.

    How about writing her a letter and letting her know you love her and that you will be there for her when she is ready to get help? It may give her some of your strength.

    Honestly, I'm not surprised she didn't call you. She pretty much knows you won't bail her out, so what good would it do to call you.

    Hugs for your hurting heart and tell your mother to stand strong. You are doing the only thing you can to try to save your daughter.
  6. Rotsne

    Rotsne Banned

    While it is good that she is off the streets, Rikers Island include a huge risk that she will be educated into a career criminal. It is not county jail with the local drunks. It is a huge system where people are forgotten for months. Worst case would be that she is getting an sentence in 6 months or so. I know a couple of people working there. It is not uncommon if the local DA office are not being pushed from relatives.

    Hopefully she will be transferred to the local jail and then convicted for the original charge and the new ones. I would hope that she get the punishment rather quickly and then be put in charge of her own destiny.

    You cannot do anything for her now other than push for a verdict so she can go out and built her life. If you get to speak to her, try to find an agreement with her where you plea the judge for community service in exchange for her moving out and live on her own.

    Let her go for both you and her sake (((Hug)))
  7. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    I'm so relieved for you that you know where she is, even if it's in a hell-hole like Rikers.

    I admire you so much for your strength through this. I can learn a lot from you.

    Sending you warm hugs and best wishes that things work out for both of your benefits.
  8. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    How old is she that she's in Rikers and not Spofford (or whatever they call it nowadays)? Although you might be tempted to let her rot on the Island there, Rotsne makes a good point about "career criminals." Can you get her into a diversion program if this is her first arrest and she is a substance abuser?

    Depending on which precinct in the Bronx (my hometown) picked her up, they had alot going on. Some 15 year old girl was arrested for stabbing and dismembering a 22 year old guy (she might have had help). The cops are a lot busier and not as well paid as in Westchester or on the Guyland, where I am now. They do seem to have shorter tempers as well.

    Good luck to you.
  9. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    God, Bran - you are amazing. Really.
    This journey you are on is horrendous - and yet you are able to keep your perspective. I am in awe.

    Yes, I know that Rikers in America is almost a synonym for criminal - but I am very sure that your daughter will not be on that roll sheet. They will look at her, and her mom, and all the people working for her, and get her the help she needs. I am sure of it.

    All my thoughts and prayers are going your way girl. Keep being strong.
  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm relieved that she is off the street. Do you know the circumstances under which she was arrested?

  11. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Praying that this is bottom and your daughter will decide she wants help. Expect the phone calls to start soon. She will do exactly what she did last time, plea, beg, cry, say she will do anything if you get her out. Don't fall for it. Let her face the natural consequences of her actions. I know that you are probably scared to death. If you are like me for years and years you let her get away with things because of her illness and your guilt. Believe me, the only way for these kids of ours to learn is to actually face their issues and realize that you can't fix it for them. Hugs. I know how hard it is.
  12. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Thank you guys, so much.

    Everywoman: You are so right!!! I did let her get away with things in her past due to her illness and I overcompensated plenty for it. It got me nowhere!!! And believe me I will not cave this time!!

    The phone calls already started. I did expect it however, her b*lls are unbelievable!!! She got so LUCKY, she didn't end up going to Rikers, because of the warrant she was transferred to our county and she is in my towns police station awaiting court which will be on Monday. She called me the first time from the police car, the officer let her use his cell phone. I'm telling you the police here are so nice, too nice. I told her she had some nerve calling me after not calling me for a month. It was expected though. She denied all of the drug use and illegal activity of course. She got arrested in the bronx because she was in someone's car at a light. There were a bunch of NYPD at the corner and they came over to the car and the guy driving took off and almost hit an officer. He had a warrant. So I believe those charges against my daughter were dropped but the warrant was valid so she was transferred up here. Lucky little lady!!!

    She called me again from the station. The nerve, she starts out the conversation all sweet and innocent like. She says "Mommy, can you please come up here, they took my coat and it's freezing, I'm going to be here until Monday" WHAT???? My first motherly instinct, the old me, wanted so much to run right up and bring her a blanket, coat, pajamas, some food, her Christmas presents and so on..... but my brain quickly re-adjusted and I said "ABSOLUTELY NOT". She began baiting me, telling me this is my fault, you know, the usual BS. We ended the conversation with this: "Fine, I will do my time and be out again, bye b**ch" click. THE B*LLS!!!! Of course it is not that shocking as this is her true self. A month on the streets with no medications didn't help any. There is still a piece of me that really expected her to be humble and begging for forgiveness, but no, not my daughter. As I always say she is by far the most self involved, selfish person I have ever known.

    So the next time the phone rings and the caller ID says "private", the answering machine will be picking it up!!! I must say that I am shocked at my ability to detach myself from this drama. I really never thought I would get here. It feels really good. And only other "warrior parents" could ever possibly understand that without judgement. I love you guys!!!!

    I will go to court on Monday ONLY to ensure that she is not released to my home. I will tell the DA as well as the judge that she cannot come back here right now. I will not allow her to disrupt our lives any longer. I am thinking of asking my sw to go instead. Truthfully, I am afraid to even see her. I will be heartbroken the minute I see her face.

    In the meantime, I WILL get a good nights sleep tonight!!! :)
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you know where she less worry for you. You've been so amazingly strong through this. Keep your Warrior Mom armor on during court!
  14. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I'm surprised it took as long as it did, but we all knew tis day wouldcome.

    I'm glad she's not in Riker's, although the "career criminal" concerns I think are a bit late. She's already too far down that path to really worry that they will teach her more.

    It has to be HER choice to get help, although the court system will hopefully be offering it or maybe even enforcing it. But if she continues to have an attitude of "it's being forced on me, I'll resist" then any help is going to get undermined, until she really does "get it" and make her own decision to use advantages to her own benefit instead of self-sabotaging.

    Bran, I know you understand intellectually, that when she refers to you as a female dog, it's not something you should take on board. But it still cuts, it still hurts. Can you keep reminding yourself when she says such mean things, that it is HEER lifestyle, HER choices, that are leading to this? When she calls you such mean things, those words apply much more accurately to herself than to you. And she knows it. That's why she's attacking you - to deflect her own guilt from her own mind, onto you. She's trying to convince herself that you are the cause of her troubles. If she can make you feel that guilt, then she feels justified. So the more you fight that, the more you refuse to accept any of the guilt, then the sooner she has to face the consequences of her own actions.

    Not easy. But by not owning it, you're not only helping yourself -you're helping her.

    For now, keep your focus on your son. He needs you, he needs a parent who is holding things together and keeping him safe.

  15. Rotsne

    Rotsne Banned

    Maybe she should just do her time. You and the staff can use a lot of time forcing her to take her medication. It would be a waste of time.

    I would ask the judge to pass a sentence for the charges and then have her transferred to the juvie for as long as it takes. Maybe the time would be equal to her 18 years birthday so she can avoid adult prison. From the previous post I know that she is familiar with the juvie, so there she could be safe.

    You cannot control her in our house and the only one who can decide her future is her, so a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would also be waste of time.

    I guess that she will end up on the streets once she is released and properly end up with the same peer group who aided her while she was on the run, unless she use the time in the juvie to take her life into her own hands, but you can not do anything for her anymore. I am sorry to say it. There has been to many Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s in her life so she can fit inside a normal family unit.

    Get it settled. Let the system hand down the verdict so you can focus on the rest of your family and she can have her life as she wants it. (((hugs)))
  16. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I'm so relieved to know that you at least know where she is now. You did a really good job at not getting sucked into the drama.


  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad that you know where she is now. You are doing an amazing job of detaching. Stay strong and many hugs and prayers for you, also prayers that your daughter starts to turn things around.
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Shawna Bran,
    I had to chuckle at the subject heading. I've been waiting for this. :)
    I am so glad she's safe, and not in the rough jail. Also, that she only had the one warrant for being a missing person. You're right, she is one lucky lady.
    Wow, she reverted to form pretty quickly in that police car. :(
    You are so right to be strong. I wish your mother could be as strong. It's hard for all of you, but you are absolutely doing the right thing.
    I am so glad your daughter is off the street now.
    Many hugs and strength coming your way. (And a good night's sleep.) Let us know what happens.
  19. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Bran I would HIGHLY suggest that the SW go to court instead of you.

    At least for me I was feeling all big in my warrior mom britches, until I saw Matt in the psychiatric hospital after him being gone for 3 months. It crippled me for another 2 months. How I wish I had not seen him!

    I know that sounds horrible - but I think part of what makes us strong during these times is being able to keep our mental and physical distance. We can finally put up that wall, so we can survive. But then we physically see our kids in need, distressed, etc - and our old mommy spirit tries to rip through our warrior mom spirit, and the mental wall starts to crumble.

    I vote sw -
    Hugs. You are handling this unbelievably! Unbelievably!
  20. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I wouldn't go see her, either. Not yet. Send the SW and a note for your daughter that says you love her so much that you won't allow her to use you anymore - when she's ready for a give and take relationship, you'll be there.

    Sending many hugs.