She is Digging a Hole for Herself

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Jan 21, 2013.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    That daughter of mine is on VERY thin ice right now. Most of it is typical teen stinkitude, but I was a teenager too and I am vastly more creative than she is. More years of practice, ya know. As my daddy always threatened me, "Old. Age. and. Treachery. Beats. Youth. and. Whatever. Every. Time.". Yes, he did say it in caps like that with all those periods.

    She is pissy, mostly mad at herself but taking it out on us, largely on me. She 'forgot' that she doesn't get to just give me the cost of the hair iron that was destroyed. She has to REPLACE it. She is angry because I told her she is NOT getting one of the new mp3 players because her attitude etc... just haven't earned it. Of course she brought up having the money to pay for it today as though I never said anything about not giving one to her for a while. she has not even ATTEMPTED to give back the one of mine that she finally did ask to borrow "just for a day". That is the problem.

    Today she and thank you were told that they had to clean the kitchen. Both of them claimed to have 'done all the work', and neiither did more than load the dishwasher yesterday when they were told to do it. Today husband was going to take them to the new kids' museum here but I said they had to clean the kitchen first. it took them FOUR HOURS. Seriously! Should have taken ONE person under an hour, but no, they couldn't do it with any common sense. Cause dishes cannot get clean if you don't put them in the dishwasher. Right.

    J has been giving a LOT of attitude and much comes out as door slamming. I can do it better than she can, and keep it up longer. Trust me, she is a wipm on the long term tantrum scale. At 3 yrs younger than her I had a tantrum for 50 min a day, 5 days a week, for a MONTH because my shop teacher was a chauvinistic jerk. My classmates were awestruck, esp as he not only gave in and allowed me to do the project I wanted, and I did it in a month less time than they had, I also had the guy apologizing and going out of his way to make me happy the rest of the semester. J cannot even hold a tantrum or snit for more than a day or two.

    She is close to a door slamming top of my lungs day. If that is the only way she will talk to me or express ehrself, I can return it in triplicate.

    I have already tried to discuss things, etc...., and none of it is changing her snit-itude. She just got her LAST warning that she does not want me to start returning her 'tude.

    If the ONLY time she will do what I ask is when I yell, then I can yell EVERYTHING I say to her. She hates that, lol. All of my kds do. but they do push until it gets to that point. And they later realize it.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    Wow. You mean you have a typical teen that pushes your buttons? I thought I was the only one with one of those. Only.....mine is a 14 year old boy. When I give him the 'tude right back, he looks at me like I'm from another planet. But, hey, at least it stops HOM from doing what he's doing.

    Lots of HUGS and extra oxygen for them lungs. {{{{HUGS}}}}
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I sooooooooooooooo do not miss this part of those years. *sigh*

    Katie is already getting attitude from Kayla and the child is only 12. Given the history......I'm not overly surprised. I AM surprised at how well katie seems to be handling it. Seems Katie has a friend who happens to have some pretty darn good parenting skills and they're rubbing off.......better yet, they're working. Not perfect, but then it won't be with a tween / teen girl. Kayla *thought* Nana would side with her and found out quickly Nana will back Mom up AND reinforce it instead. LOL (I admit it is easier when you don't have them under your roof 24/7)

    As per the door slamming..........there are remedies. 1. you could temporarily remove her door until such time her 'tude changes or 2. have her open / close the door properly X amount of times to help her remember next time that slamming a door is not the proper way to express yourself. Neither is fun, both are usually effective. Can you tell I can't stand door slamming?? I don't do it, and I don't put up with it either.

  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    J has always had a real gift for door slamming. Two homes we have lived in had doors that were hard to slam loudly. Even when really angry my husband was unable to make them slam loudly. At age four J could, though. I could, but I was a champion door slammer as a kid.

    Much of this is typical teen and to be honest, lots of it makes me chuckle when I am not right in front of her. in my opinion people having fits tend to look like idiots, even me when I have one. I had a hard time keeping a straight face when they had fits when they were little because they honestly looked ridiculous. It is easier to keep a straight face now, due to years and years of practice.

    She is going to find herself scrubbing things, and when SHE wants people to be quiet because she is watching something or has a headache or whatever, I will go and spend some time slamming every door I walk past (just to make double sure they are shut, ya know. Cause it is so hard to tell just by looking at them.) and then periodically doing it all over again. I usually give husband and whatever children I am NOT angry with earplugs if I decide to do it in the middle of the night. I give juuuuuuuuuust enough time to almost be asleep and WHAM! WHAM! more slamming.

    By about the fifth time they have the point that Mommy. Is. Not. Happy. and they are ready to beg, plead and kiss my shiney hiney to get me to stop. Sometimes I even DO stop then. But not always. Esp if they have burned me recently by not doing what they said they would on something that is a big deal to me.

    Jess has been very annoyed the last day or so because I keep going through her stuff. She hasn't figured otu that it is payback yet. I found a book that I know was in a certain place that she was NOT supposed to get into, and she had it with 'her' stuff. She took the dang thing the day after I bought it and I hadn't even gotten halfway through it! I asked her no less than FOUR times if she had it and she lied and said no. today she said she 'didn't know' I meant that one. Gee, the title, author, names of characters and basic plot were not descriptive enough?

    She has a habit of doing any chore except the ones you ask or tell her to do. When it comes to chores, a parent asking is not something you can say no to, it is just a more poliite way to tell you that you WILL be doing it, at least in my home. I was raised that way, and it is very far from a new rule for my kids. She just doesn't want to do the ones YOU want, only the ones SHE wants. It is the one thing that has consistently gotten her in more trouble over the years than any other. I finally got sick of it. I am now doing various things with/for her, but NOT the ones she really really wants. It is driving her batty. I am enjoying it immensely. She will get the point of this eventually, but it will last longer if I do not tell her why I am doing this.

    Sometimes it takes a little longer, but creatively applied treachery really DOES win every time. And it can be fun to plot!

    OK, so maybe I am a bit of a difficult child. but you have to push to uncover my gfgness!
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Oy. I was great at tantrums as a kid, but I bred one that can more than out-tantrum me. And trying to feed it back to her just makes it worse, which is bad because that's really my knee-jerk reaction, patience is NOT my strong suit. This kid has tantrumed for a full 24 hours + (even went to sleep and woke up right back at full force). Just listening to her tantrum makes me tired. Wish I could bottle that energy.

    But she pays for it. Oh yes indeedy. Every tantrum is followed by a bellyache and sometimes a headache as well. Does she learn? Not yet.
  6. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Am I ever glad for all boys. They can be brats as well. Yesterday one of them called me and told me it was cheaper to have his books delivered than to buy them at the bookstore. He
    is going to have them delivered but not to his dorm, a block away fom the store, but to my house, 2.5 hours away from his dorm.

    I told him that I'm not delivering them to him! He can pay extra and walk a block, that's 5 hours round trip plus my time, gas and tolls. He shushed me an said he didn't have to talk to me, then hung up on me!

    LOL....damn brat. Who is that cavalier with their mother's time? He has some nerve, I'm sure he's mad at me, that's funny.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Arrrgh! I hope she straightens up. Chores, extra chores sound great.

    Good idea, Upallnight!
  8. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Susie, I'm taking notes. Copious ones. I'm already getting PMS-attitude from Tyrantina and she's only 3 1/2.

    This morning I insisted that she ask for things politely (as in, "Mummy, may I please have some water?" rather than "I want water!!! <pause> Please."). She said, "Mummy, would you please go to work and never come back?" I HOWLED with laughter. Couldn't help myself, which seemed to take the wind out of her since she was likely expecting me to get upset.

    Hope your difficult child-tactics work with J, without having to go on too long. Please keep us posted. I'm getting some great ideas.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow, Trinity, that's amazingly astute and snippy for a 3-1/2-yr-old! That's a teenager right there.
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member


    Mine wasn't quite that snippy at 3-and-a-half, but... close.