She's back and it's not good.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jody, May 7, 2010.

  1. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    My pastor and his wife kept my difficult child for a couple days. Definately needed a break. She was given many chores and it was not a vacation like she thought it was going to be. They saw a 1/100th of the defiance that I see, but they at least saw a portion of it. Well, I talked with my friend and she asked me does the girl know how to do anything. I laughed. I said yes, she does, she is playing you. She doesn't want to do it so she acts like she doesn't know how, and then when you show her again she says she's not going to do all that. Seriously, you don't know how to tie a knot in a garbage bag???? How hard can that be. She knows just won't do it. Why, it's easier to just pick it up and throw it in the garbage can. Somedays I am just happy that it makes to the trash can without 10 curse words. This morning was terrible, now mind you had no problem getting up over there. Refused and then got out of bed, 8 minutes before her bus leaves and wears the same clothes to school that she wore yesterday, screaming and yelling at me and cursing because she doesn't have her stuff ready, kicks the front door several times and screams and cries like a two year old (truthfully I haven't even seen a two year old have that kind of fit in a long time) all the way to the bus stop. And whose fault is all of this. I know you all know!!! MOMS. How in the world did it become my fault???? I don't understand the thinking at all. I don't even know how I become the bad guy. I didn't have anything to do with any of it. OMG. I hope today is a better day than today's morning was. The thought of another day of her antics and craziness makes me physically ill. I never look forward to seeing her. How awful, but so true.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Jody, I still think your daughter needs treatment. I believe you said she's on medications for ADHD and depression, correct? These medications could be making her worse instead of better. In other words, the medications could be fueling her anger, irritability and defiance. There's a chance that until you get her on the right medication mix, things are not going to improve.
  3. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    She has been hospitalized 5 times, and seen all kinds of doctors. They have agreed it is behavior combined with odd and adhd. one said ptsd and took her off everyting but an anti-depressant. She takes abilify 10 mgs in the morning 10 at night, she takes adderall xr 40 mgs in the morning and she takes wellbuterin 300 mgs per day. They do not want to label her BiPolar (BP) but believe she might be there. I don't see any days that she is happy though, so I wonder. One therapist at the hospital, said she rapid cycles many times within an hour and it is obvious to him, others don't see it. Some of the medicines that they use are ones that are used for bipolar. when she doesn't take anti-depressant medication, she wants to hurt herself, when she doesn't take the adhd medicine she will hurt herself, because there is no impulse control at all and she can;t function or think and she is just way out there. I don't know what to do, and I guess they don't either. They don't seem willing to try anything else. Do you have an idea why or how to get her treatment? What kind of treatment are you talking about? I am glad for any suggestions. I must say I am exhaustd by all of this, as so many are, if the mental health professionals don't see this how do I get them to see it? HELP. Ugh.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would get another opinion. in my opinion those medications are terrible and probably making her worse. I like NeuroPsychs, but I'd at least go to a totally fresh Psychiatrist who has no ties to this one.
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Ditto MWM.

    We had to travel out of state to get a true "open minded opinion", but it was WELL worth it.
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    By treatment, I mean a psychiatrist who will listen to you about how out-of-control your difficult child's behaviors are and give her medications that will treat her symptoms appropriately.

    Only Abilify treats bipolar disorder in children. Wellbutrin and Adderall destabilize kids with BiPolar (BP).

    I recommend checking out the Treatment Guidelines on the Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation at this link:
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I do think that something else needs to happen with your daughter. What I am not so sure. I dont know if a neuropsychologist would actually be able to hit this or not. I might put all my eggs into a good child psychiatrist in your shoes.

    I dont know what the services are in your state but SLSH is pretty much an expert there.

    I agree with SW that the medications dont sound right but I also remember being in the thick of things and having people tell me I needed to get the doctor to put my son on a certain medication and the doctor telling me he wouldnt and I didnt have the option of switching doctors at that time. My hands were tied. I had to let the doctor come to the conclusion on his own that we needed to try a different medication. I didnt have the ability to write a script, though lordy I wished I did!

    Some of this could also be puberty mixing with her illness. My son could actually take stims until he hit puberty and then it was katy bar the door.
  8. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    I'm in agreement with everyone above, I don't think these medications are right (but I am no doctor). My experience with them and my 3 have been horrendous! You said she has been hospitalized 5 times. Curious, was it at the same place? My daughter years ago was hospitalized too but there was more then 1 place available, that's why I ask as this plays a factor into what I'm thinking. We went through many doctors as well (with all the kids). Sometimes it's a matter of finding just the right one who will actually "listen" and pay attention and "work" with you to stabilize your child. It's not so much as a diagnosis or label as it is to finding out what WILL work to help bring your difficult child back into some sort of normalcy (and yes, it can get some better).

    Currently my middle difficult child has stumped everyone as well (and we've been through many a doctor, years of people, and currently at a big name place). We don't know if she is "choosing" to do certain things or if she truly can't. But this is her circumstances as she has a factor that your daughter doesn't, anesthesia from a previous surgery that might have done some damage.

    I can honestly understand where you're at and feeling. Just don't give up! I don't know what resources you have available to you or what your abilities are to travel if necessary to seek out other doctors (as suggested going out of state - we've done that too).
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Jody, you've gotten some interesting and well-thought out advice here. I'm reading it with-interest because we just changed psychiatrists and are starting to change medications. (It's got to be a slow process so you know which medication is doing what.)
    difficult child certainly does sound miserable.
    I am so glad you got your pastor and his wife to keep her for a bit. What a great thing!