Since I unplugged the phone

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Dec 13, 2008.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    less than 2 hours ago, this boy has dialed my number over 20 times already, according to my online phone records. I could block the number, but if he sets his call to not show his number, I think it still comes through. Does anyone know a way that I can legally make that kid stay away from mine? I'm not saying that the boy is repsonsible for what difficult child chooses himself to do, but that boy has no respect for my rules and has already made it clear that he doesn't care what trouble or injury my son suffers- if he doesn't care, at least he doesn't have to go out of his way to encourage or contribute to it- he should just stay away. Can I call cps on him/his family? difficult child (this sounds very discriminatory and like stereotyping I know- especeially since I don't say things like that about anyone) but, difficult child says that this boy's mother looks like she is a prostitute on drugs.
     
  2. Jena

    Jena New Member

    go to court and get an order of protection, i know here in ny you can do that, based on harrassment. yet at the same time that comes with it's own nightmares, that being when difficult child decides to make contact and you try to call the police to act upon the legal doctor the police will more than likely ask if difficult child initiated contact. just a thought.

    i think it all rests on difficult child at this point. you can't control this boy unfortunately. i know it stinks.
     
  3. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    Well, that other boy is certainly determined isn't he? I really think this is more about your son though. Have you told him that you do not want him to have any contact with the other boy? Have you instructed your son to, in your presence, tell this boy not to call or have any kind of contact with your son? This other boy would not be calling your son if there wasn't something in it for him. Meaning, your son is giving back, something and WANTS contact with this boy. Your boy is the one that needs to have the limits set on him. Unplugging the phone is helpful, but you also need to set down the rules for him and enforce them. I can imagine your son won't be thrilled will he?

    I know for a fact that it is wrong to use CPS in this way. CPS is who you would call if you had concerns about abuse or neglect of a child. While making 20 phone calls to your house in 2 hours is obnoxious, it's not illegal, and really isn't harming anyone.

    Your anxiety regarding your son and the decisions you are facing is palpable. I remember feeling that way when I was living the worst of our times with our difficult child. It is not something I would ever want to feel again. I do hope you can find some sort of resolution for the both of you soon. Peace to you!
     
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Mom to 3- a little background- while I know my son has to be contributing in some way, at least some times- he has turned that boy in at school (with others) for drugs and for cutting (several mos apart- 2 incidences), and he did tell the boy on the phone not to call here again and stay away because every time he (difficult child) was around him, he ended up in trouble. But, it's apparently like an abused woman going back to a bad marriage. (Except we aren't talking about adults- we're talking about two 13 yo)

    Here, a person can only get a restraining order if a person's life is threatened, I believe.
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2008
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i agree totally. you can always change your phone number, yet difficult child will see him in school. it's almost like a boy/girl thing. you don't want your duaghter to see a certain boy you tell them so they push harder to, just to partially rebel. ya know??
     
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    As far as the cps question- it's my opinion that any previous interventions tried for regarding that boy have not worked and although this would be based on assumption and not proof, my guess is that the boy is still cutting himself and now other kids around him are doing it- he's not keeping it to himself. Is that grounds to call cps and ask them to check into it before it gets worse? Is there no one that can intervene and stop this?
     
  7. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I wouldn't think so. You never know what efforts his parents may be making. Just think about your own situation............... How would you feel if someone else called CPS on YOU? If you have concerns, why don't you speak to his parents?
     
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    6 mos ago when this first started, the boy was calling (this was right after difficult child turned in the drug deal at school) and I answered the phone and ask the boy if I could speak to one of his parents, he said they weren't home, I asked if I could have his home phone # (he calls from his cell phone) and he told me they didn't have one, I asked where he lived and he said "hold on a min" and I heard him say "Dad, the mom of a friend of mine wants to know where we live" and I heard a man tell him to hang up on me and he hung up on me. Then, after this progressed, I had called police on difficult child for leaving one day and I didn't know where he was (he was on probation), police came, I told cop about this kid calling every 5 mins then difficult child running out the door, difficult child came back, cop was here, phone starts ringing and I answer- it's same boy, cop takes phone and tells him to put his parent on, boy's mom gets on, cop talks to her then hands phone to me, mom acts all wonderful, then cop leaves, boys parents go back to being evasive and acting like they don't want anything to do with any of it.

    Any other parents of friends of difficult child's that I've tried to coordinate efforts with have seemed willing to do that, but not these, unfortunately.
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2008
  9. lillians

    lillians lillians

    my thoughts are ,, yu have to work on your child,,, bribe him if need be,, but it has to be his idea that perhapos he could live without the calls other than that ,, a removal of the phone,,a disconnect if yu will,, and have only a cell phone for your use,, and if your child gives him that no at least yu can answer and hang up,,but often yu can deal or make a deal with your own child by all thats holy maybe he will show yu he cares if your concerned ,,lovingly,bribe,, what ever it takes a reip to where ever ,,lol perhaps yu can even bribe the other kid,,bribes arent nice well how about then calling it incentive
     
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    There have been several times since this started 6 mos ago that my son tells the kid to stay away or my son just stays away and the kid goes away, but then 1 mo later, my son is doing something (I assume) to get it started right back again. It is getting my son to stick to things for long periods that is a problem- this isn't the only area where it shows up- it ebbs and flows in many areas along with his mood lability.
     
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    From what it sounds like, the home life is very strange. Your son's school should have a resource officer. Talk to the resource officer. Ask him if they have looked into child X, because child X's behavior is worrying you, bordering on stalking. 20 calls in 2 hours would fit the bill for an adult, I am pretty sure.

    Is there ANY chance the family is dealing drugs? Sadly, there are quite a number of families out there who use their kids to deliver drugs to clients, to recruit new clients, etc...

    ANY of these families would act all sweetness and light to a cop, and all evasive and hinky to another adult. I just have a feeling about this. I can't explain how many times my dad took a cell phone or beeper from a child in class and the family (who CERTAINLY wasn't there for conferences) showed up ASAP to get the beeper/cell phone.

    One mom even blurted out that my dad COULDN'T keep the batteries - every minute the beeper was off was costing them $$$. (Dad used to take out the batteries from beepers esp because some parents wouldn't EVER come get them, and proper procedure for storing a battery operated device is to remove the battery)

    Anyway, it really sounds like the kid is in a ton of pain. I would talk to the resource officer AND the guidance counsellor - esp if this kid is showing others how he cuts and is making it sound "cool". And I would be monitoring that phone online for a LONG time.
     
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That is a great idea, Susie!! The resource officer has really tried to help difficult child stay in line and does talk to him at school just to offer support and stuff. This is great and the principal can verify that difficult child really has made some efforts to stay away, but evidently, he just doesn't always have the will-power or maybe just decides he doesn't care when he gets depressed, I don't know. But, I definitely like that idea because the resource officer also can mention things or ask things from other policeman and maybe some of the authorities can add more pieces of that puzzle together.

    Thank you!!
     
  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh- I definietly think the family is involved in something they shouldn't be- I mean, for my son to notice that something is different about the way they "don't care what the son does and the mom looks like a prostitute on drugs"- if you knew my son, it would be obvious that they must really be out of the norm- my son just doesn't talk that way or notice most things like that.
     
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I like the idea of monitoring the ph line.
    I believe you can block indiv. calls. He may figure out a way around it but it will at least work temporarily. And it will keep your weekends and evenings quieter.
    They meet up in school, so he's not skipping school? Hmm.
    He does have an odd home life. "The mom of a friend wants to know where we live." Why wouldn't the dad* ask who the friend is b4 telling the kid to hang up? (*Or whoever the male voice belonged to ... brother, etc.) Why wouldn't the kid just tell you? And why would the other person instruct him to hang up? Very, very odd.
    I second the opinion that the family may be into dealing.
    I just called one of difficult child's friends to ask for their address (we were writing thank you notes but he didn't ask why I needed it) and he just told me the address. Of course, he knows me ... sigh. I don't know. I'm trying to brainstorm.
     
  15. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    You could start with the harrassment: 20 calls is sufficient. You may be able to block calls from restricted numbers, that way if someone is trying to call and has a block for caller id, then that call hears that unidentifiied callers are not accepted , unblock your number to try again. Unless they do that they do not get through. If they do you have their phone number and you can ask any police officer to call it and direct attention that a complaint has been made.
    Or if you have call forwarding you could call forward the call to the police...love that technology.
     
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    In my opinion, having the dad tell the kid to hang up when the "mom from a kid at school wants to talk to you or know where we live" is a red flag that something is majorly wrong at that home. I honestly would use the kid cutting to report the situation to CPS saying that you know the child is cutting, that he goes to X school, and that he has been caught in 1 drug bust and 1 time having alcohol already. And he is only barely in his teens.

    The other boy may be latching on to your difficult child because he may see that YOU might report things and get him some help. It might at least be worth a mention to the resource officer when you speak to him.

    Also, the MOST comprehensive list of programs I have EVER seen for my area came from the Jr. high resource officer. Most were court ordered, but it was a list of places, addresses, and phone numbers so I could call and see what was needed for admission, and if it was appropriate. FAR better to have some idea ahead of time what is out there than to be caught by surprise by the judge or PO wanting to send your son somewhere.
     
  17. lillians

    lillians lillians

    the idea here someplace was that pergaps this child sees help in your direction knows yu will try to do something ,, a light at the end of his tunnel if yu like , also-,i have found most of the time if i make welcome some unacceptable sorts they do not hang on, once they are truly aware they cannot get what they want here,, no excitement
     
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