So a kid at tweedle dee's ....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Mar 21, 2007.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    kt attends day treatment with a young man. This young man attends an Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) outing with wm each week. Of course, their topic of conversation is kt.

    wm will call "tattling" on kt's antics at school. In turn, he will defend kt when this young man makes derogatory statements about kt. This same young man comes to school telling tales of wm to kt - which sends her off the deep end. Young man is triangulating kt & wm - there is already a very tenuous relationship between the 2 of them. Neither are savvy enough to believe young man is possibly lying; if he says it, it's true.

    I, personally, feel this special needs community is large & burdensome however I'm finding it to be a small community with many of the children knowing one another & in common programs.

    If the tweedles were in a "normal" school setting we'd be having these types of situations already. Nothing about the tweedles or any of these children in these varying treatment programs is normal.

    I'm contemplating calling Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) manager, asking him to supervise conversations regarding kt; in turn, I will asking the same at day treatment regarding conversations about wm.

    What do you think?
  2. Loris

    Loris New Member

    I think that would be a wise move. I would worry that this could prove damaging to an already fragile situation if it continued. I'm sorry you have this to worry over now. I hope you can nip it in the bud quickly.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    My typical response would be to say to not get involved and monitor the situation. I'm all for kids learning to work this stuff out for themselves.

    However, kt is trying to make the transition back to home life. Only you can judge if she can handle the added stress this kid is putting on her and cope with it. It might be too much for her at the moment. When later down the road it might have been a good learning experience in dealing with others.

    If you don't think that kt or wm can handle the stress this is causing then I'd put in that call. These situations can get sticky enough with typical teen's.
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I agree with Lisa. My first instinct would be to let the tweedles learn this life lesson. But, on the other hand, kt's transition to home needs to be as smooth and stress-free as possible. If you believe this is causing her pain and any back-sliding, I'd make the call.

  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Linda, While I realize that the tweedles are very fragile, I feel compelled to caution you. It is impossible to control every aspect of their lives and trying to do so could make you frantic and you could exhaust yourself. I would definately discuss this with both Wm and Kt's teams. Ask for their imput. I would also focus on the tweedles telling them that they should not be talking about their siblings or family with anyone other than their team members. Teach them appropriate things to talk about with peers. Limiting contact with this kid is a short term solution. There will be other kids in the future that will have encounters with both of your children. Teaching them appropriate social conversationl material is a long term approach. -RM
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Essentially this has been taken out of my hands. Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) manager called me this morning & informed me of these incidents & how they are being managed.

    kt's day treatment program is in support of this plan. (There is also a matter of privacy issues as these are 2 separate treatment programs - makes the adults edgy.)

    You know, if the tweedles were more typical teen, I'd let this thing go. However, with kt transitioning home & the upcoming visit with wm scheduled no one really wants the added level of "gossip" to contend with. (Visit may be postponed)

    And given wm's heightened level of inappropriate interest in his twin sister - well, according to Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) manager, the conversation was sexual in nature about kt.

    Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) manager commented that he wouldn't allow that type of talk about anyone. After the outing he took wm aside & asked him if he was aware that kt was his sister; did he understand that a sister deserves privacy & respect. wm argued that kt didn't. Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) manager was frustrated in that wm understood that you treat other girls with respect but not kt.

    I appreciate your input, ladies. We'll see how this plays out.

  7. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I struggle with these things all the time and they have yet to really happen for us!!! I just know my difficult child is very fragile... While yours have already had to deal with so much more "reality" than any children should ever have to, it would only naturally make you want to further protect them and help them especially Kt with this transition... It is so hard to teach them these things... I would talk to them also and maybe discuss it with the team members as well and give it a little time.

    I just had to have a talk with difficult child a boy was making fun of her name and she doesn't get it... but then he wants to hug her!!! He is mean one minute and nice the next... I think a love hate 5 yo relationship... yet there is my difficult child left confused...

    UGH... these poor kids.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad this was taken out of your hands. I think with the transition it is a good thing they are dealing with this.