so fed up looking for support!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by battleweary, Jun 2, 2007.

  1. battleweary

    battleweary New Member

    HI there, new here , just wondered how people kkep going!! My son has complex special needs but a diagnosis of o.d.d. also, the defiance i can cope with just!! But he is so controlling and bullies me , it is so harsd to cope with he is 11. There are various proffessionals that have had input , say his self esteem is rock bottom, use positive praise and rewards , i get it but find it soo hard to do that when he is so nasty to me a lot of the time.I feel as if my life and the whole familys is ruined as it is totally dominated by difficult child and we are always seperated, he has autistic behaviourstoo and does not do socialising!! lots more to say but will post this for now to see how it goes. :warrior:
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Hi and welcome. I'm relatively new to posting but have been lurking for several years. You have found a great group who will give you tremendous support and comfort and advice.

    My daughter was somewhat like your son in being nasty, vile tempered and downright hurtful. However, she did not have autistic behaviors. I found I had to find a way to determine what was in her control and what she truly couldn't help saying and doing. The more I understood about her behaviors, the easier it was to tolerate them. It also made it easier for me to hate the action but love the child.

    Once I figured that out, it was easier to give her the praise she so desparately needed. I could praise her for not saying what she was thinking, thank her for cleaning up the mess she made (after asking her three times -- had to wait for her to transition from NO mode to thinking she was doing what she wanted) and honestly reward her with words and hugs when she did well on her own.

    Others will come along and give you more and better advice. They'll also have a ton of questions for you.

    Good luck! You're not in this alone.
  3. VanillaOrchid

    VanillaOrchid New Member

    Hi Battleweary! I am new here also. I can relate to how you feel. My daughter has ODD, anxiety disorder not otherwise specified, mood disorder not otherwise specified, as well as petit mal seizures. There are days when I think that if I have to take one more minute that I am going to lose my mind. So, that is when, if it is possible, I take a break for myself, even if it's just for 5 minutes drinking a cup of coffee away from the kids. By the way, I have 3 children with special needs. My daughter and I have sons who are 2 and 4. My 4 year old has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)(which falls under the whole autism spectrum umbrella), and he does not do well in social situations either, he also has speech and lang. delays. If you ever need to vent, I'm here.
  4. battleweary

    battleweary New Member

    tHANKS YOU TWO IT REALLY HELPS TO KNOW NOT ALONE, I will keep watching the replies. and look forward to making new freinds :salute:
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hi and Welcome! This is a great forum and keeps me sane so I'm glad you found it- sounds like you need it! LOL! I have found that instead of worrying about something for several days, I can post my question, concern, or frustration on here and someone who actually understands responds with an answer, a previous experience, or understanding support. It's like group therapy at your convenience, except more informative. So, I think you'll find many knowledgable people here who really understand what you are going through, as this is what I have found.
  6. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member

    Welcome Battleweary!

    Not much advise this morning, kinda having a "day" here with my difficult child! UGH! But wanted to welcome you and ask a few questions.

    Is your difficult child on any medications?
    Who diagnosed him?
    Is he receiving and special services at school?
    Do you have anyone you can "lend" him to for a day so you can get a well deserved break?

    Also, if you click on My stuff on your post and then scroll down to Profile, you can post a signature which will appear at the end of each of your posts. (see mine below). Really helps us keep everyone straight and not have to ask you silly questions all the time. Only put as much info as you are comfortable with.

    Hugs of welcome,
  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Welcome battleweary.....
    I am glad you have joined this board, you will find amazing support here, as we all have endured years of antics from our difficult children, and we all lean on each other to find support, reassurance, and information. Also, if you would fill in the bottom profile portion of your signature, and list the medications and age of your son that will help us to answer your questions more completely and thoroughly when you post.

    I know how hard it is to endure your son'e constant verbal assaults. I have one who has been doing that for 16 years now, and there are days I am ready to run away, get permanently lost, or escape in some other form or fashion. It is really hard. I think all of us, however, have had to find some sort of internal, personal, peace with our kids in order to keep going forward. For me, I have adopted the philosophy that my son is "my mission", or "my purpose". I used to ask why me all of the time - but it dawned on me one day - "Why me?" "Because I am the only one that can handle, understand, and stick with this child until he is successful." He is truly a gift I have been entrusted with, because so few others could help a child like mine. When I think of him as my personal mission to see through to success, suddenly the burden of being constantly at my wits end seems less.

    Everyone here has different techniques I am sure they will share in dealing with our kids day in and day out. Hopefully from us all you will be able to share, learn, and find comfort. Again welcome to the board.
  8. VanillaOrchid

    VanillaOrchid New Member

    The philosophy that you have adopted on dealing with your son is wonderful and you are so right. We are the best one's for the job, because it is our job not to give up on them. It is not always easy to remember that though.
  9. battleweary

    battleweary New Member

    Thanks all, I do agree that it,s my job and i am proud but it,s like swimming through treacle am going to tackle signature thing now x
  10. battleweary

    battleweary New Member