So mom...a friend of a friend of a friend....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, May 3, 2007.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    has a problem with boys bothering her & wanting her to do things she doesn't want to do. What should I do, ummm, tell her to do?

    After a highly anxious, crisis filled night kt finally blurted that out to me.

    First question from mom to kt - do I need to worry about someone's safety? Nooooooooooo.

    Well, miss kt you tell your friend that her body is her own - no one can touch or hurt her unless she allows it. If someone is "forcing" your friend she needs to yell & scream; tell an adult.

    Mom, I'm - uh, my friend is okay.

    Fine, sweetie - you can talk to me anytime with-o melting down with anxiety & I love you.

    kt still isn't sleeping - her anxiety is over the top. Will not allow anyone to comfort her or rub her back. husband & I are keeping a close eye on her as she was talking about killing herself earlier tonight - then she tried to run. She's safely in her room playing with her dolls. Won't let herself fall asleep.

    I'm considering keeping her home from school tomorrow & calling in with this issue. I'm also going to try to get her into therapist tomorrow.

    Did I miss anything? Any words of advice?
     
  2. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oh. I am sorry, something is going on in this poor child's head. As another Mommy struggling with an anxious, stressed, too many thoughts in the head child... hugs to you.
    I do hope the "boy talk" is really nothing and she is safe. How scary to even think about.
     
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Unfortunately, she IS of an age when the pressure to 'put out' in various ways becomes very intense. From what I understand a lot of girls are pressured to give oral sex as a concession to the boys, and they don't consider it the same as sex in any way. They do it because the boys expect SOMETHING, but generally don't like it because they have been pressured. Failure to go along with it all leads to fairly serious exclusion.

    There was a TV program on for us last week, I was watching it with easy child 2/difficult child 2. The program was from Canada and my daughter was commenting that it's not like that for us in Australia (yet). There is some pressure but it's not so all-encompassing that a girl can't still have a great time at school without having to give a guy what he wants in this way. The topic turned to ex-boyfriend who apparently DID put the pressure on her this way; as a result, she has been totally turned off oral sex of any sort forever. Ex-boyfriend simply didn't understand that you just don't pressure your partner like that, or use emotional blackmail. She has also said in the past that he also wasn't great with personal hygiene, which I think put her off oral sex even more.

    It is so sad when this happens because the girls lose so much self-confidence and self-respect, just through trying to handle peer pressure.

    Marg
     
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I don't think you missed anything. I think you handled it just right. And yes, a day off might be a good idea.

    It's just not fair that out babies grow up too fast. Society is so different than it used to be. Breaks my heart.

    Big hugs to her.
     
  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I absolutely would keep her home from school and call and have them find out what is going on. Our children have a right to feel safe in their environment. The school needs to ensure that she is safe and needs to let her know that. The assistant principal at my daughter's school has shadowed difficult child when she didn't feel safe.

    I did the whole "friend of a friend of a friend" thing with my mom, too, when I didn't want my mom to know that it was me.

    by the way, I think you handled it wonderfully.
     
  6. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #000099"> do you think this is tied to her day of refusing to get up for school?

    sounds like a mental health day is in order for kt today. yes, definitely time for a chat with-the school folks.

    kris
    </span> </span> </span>
     
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with the day off today-You handled it well. I definitely would call the school and therapist. Hugs and prayers.
     
  8. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Thank you all - a pretty sleepless night here at the tweedle household. husband & I tagged off staying awake to keep an eye on kt; she was so very agitated & anxious. kt finally dropped off to sleep a little past 1 this morning.

    I've already put my call into school/day treatment. I've got a message on therapist's service - expect to hear back from that end early as well.

    Again - thank you. I'm planning a "tea & comfort" sort of day hoping to keep kt grounded.
     
  9. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member

    Linda,

    Sounds to me that you handled that situation as good as anyone could have. It would have taken all my strength not to panic myself and keep from pushing for more info.

    Hopefully therapist can tease the info out of kt and then you will know which direction to go with this.

    I think a Mom and kt comfort day is just what this board auntie orders! I will be thinking of you and your little Miss kt.

    Sorry she is having this on top of everything else!!

    Hugs,
    Vickie
     
  10. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    You should teach your daughter (or son) to repsond to sexual suggestions with a firm and confident "No. I don't want to do that with you and I don't want you talking to me like that."
     
Loading...