so much has happened since we moved, may have been molested..

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Loving Abbey 2, Jun 15, 2008.

  1. Loving Abbey 2

    Loving Abbey 2 Not really a Newbie

    So we moved about 3 weeks ago now. difficult child has really strugled her mood and behavior. To the extent that the home based team has told me that I should bring her back to the hospital 2 or 3 times. I'm not doing it, it didn't help and I'm not doing it again. This past few days she seems to be doing a bit better though, it could be because she has been sick or because she started Trileptal again (she took it when she was 4).

    However, of note is that last week she told her uncle a story about how the "pizza guy" broke into the house and went into her room and had her lie on her bed naked because he "wanted to play with her front". Needless to say I've been freaking. The pizza guy thing is not possible but the content of this story is the main issue. I haven't questioned her about it but have told her that we will be going to talk to someone about it to make sure she is kept safe. It's so hard because it is easy to contaminate a child's story just by asking questions.

    But I've been running through my head all the males who have been alone with her, and well there have been a few. I mean, she has grandfathers and great grandfathers, my s2bx, etc. It's impossible to keep a child from ever being alone with an adult man. With all the things this kid has to deal with, this is not somethinig she should have to deal with. I have always been so careful with her. I can't even think about this being real yet. I'll just fall apart. I know she's the kid (and potential victim) and I'm the adult but I can't deal with it if this happened to her. It doesn't seem fair that all this should happen to my child. It doesn't seem fair that no matter how hard I have trieed to protect her and provide her with a stable life and lots of love and nurturance, she still has all these horrible aflictions. It's like all my worst nightmares have come through and I have no control at all.

    Will we ever find our way out of this horrible place we have fallen into? All I ever wanted was for her to be average. I had such a horrible childhood that I just wanted her to be average, I wanted her to be like everyone else (more or less), to not have to fight every step of the way....it seems that was too much to ask for.

    My poor baby...
     
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    How disturbing! Is there anyone whom she may have eaten pizza with at one time or another? You will need to be careful about pushing her too hard for details. It's such a difficult situation for everyone.
     
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Oh how scary - I hope you can find answers in this.

    Has she stayed overnight with anyone?
     
  4. Christy

    Christy New Member

    So sorry you are dealing with this. I hope you will be able to find the answers you need. Try to be encouraging and assure her that she can tell you anything and you will protect her, no matter what someone might have told her. Let her know that she wil not be in trouble no matter what the man may have told her.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers,
    Christy
     
  5. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I am sorry you are having to even think like this also. I would look into talking with someone who has very good experience in things like this with children.
    Hang in there. Kids are tougher than we realize... it is amazing what most of us adults on the board have gone through, and made it through and are stable today. It doesn't make it any easier for you right now, but you are trying to help her early and doing the right thing no matter what happened.
     
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so very sorry you are dealing with this. I have been through this, and it is terrifying. It just tears at your soul to think someone may have hurt your baby this way.

    Please let a professional interview her. The doctor or CPS can set this up. I would go to the pediatrician and ask for them to set up an interview. They will HAVE to report this, but YOU ahve done nothing wrong and have to trust them in this. This is the best way to find out what really happened AND how to best help your baby.

    I will keep you in my prayers. Please let us know what is going on.

    Hugs,

    Susie
     
  7. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Is it possible that this is emerging hyper sexuality? She may have created the story. You must investigate though to be sure. {{{Hugs}}} for your aching heart.
     
  8. ML

    ML Guest

    My prayers and good thoughts are with you right now. i'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. I know it's hard. big hugs Abby xoxoxo
     
  9. JodyS

    JodyS New Member

    I am so sorry to hear this. It is every parents nightmare. Don't over-read anything in to it and I agree you should get a proffesional to interview her. Good Luck!
     
  10. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Michelle, in addition to CPS there are private clinicians who specialize in children who are victims of molestation.

    I'm sorry. Praying for peace for you both.
     
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    ((((hugs)))) and prayers.
     
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I don't know how you're going to tell the diff between imagination and reality here, except through a professional. Sigh. I am so sorry. Definitely, make an appointment.
    And please don't beat yourself up over it. You cannot protect her from her afflictions, but you can guide her and love her. And you surely love her! Try to take it one day at a time.
     
  13. OpenWindow

    OpenWindow Active Member

    Sorry you have to go through this with her. Finding out the truth of what happened may be the hardest part. I agree with the others to have her talk with a professional. I'm going through the same thing but with my daughter I know something happened and who it was with, and still getting the truth about it has been difficult if not impossible.

    And I was a victim as a child - couldn't bear to tell on my father so I told the adults it was a visiting uncle. Of course no one believed me and told me I was a liar instead of trying to find the truth, and that may have been harder on me as time went on than the actual abuse.

    As long as she knows you trust her and are supportive and protective, trying to get her help, that will make all the difference.

    Linda
     
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My two youngest were molested by a child we adopted who was older (he is gone now). We took them to specialists in the field of Childhood Sexual Abuse and were told that kids don't usually make up stuff like that. Most have no clue what to even say unless they experienced it. Of course, I hope that your precious little one is the exception, but I do recommend looking for somebody who works with abused children all the time and has a familiar eye. The first person we saw CPS directed us to--she was great--a pediatrician with this as her specialty. She had to check our kids for penetration and disease and as I sat crying in the waiting room, my kids were feeling safe and loved by her. They really adored her and she was able to find out quite a lot. I am not sure that a less experienced professional would have made my kids feel so good. They came out with teddy bears and big smiles--my heart goes out to both of you. (((Hugs)))
     
  15. Loving Abbey 2

    Loving Abbey 2 Not really a Newbie

    I called the main place in this state that deals with sexual abuse and assault and they said they don't do the evaluation on a minor unless it goes through the police. That seems like a horrible way to do it! So what the police ask her about it--and who knows how well trained they are and then she gets to see someone whose a professional? I'm still working on it.

    I have to stay in denial (not openly of course) to be able to deal with how to handle this otherwise I'll just fall apart and be useless. One of the possiblities other than it having happened to her is maybe she heard it in the hospital. I mean I really don't see it as having happened...maybe I don't want to see it. I would have expected a dramatic change in behavior at some point that is not related to medication. I'm trying to come up with all the possiblities.

    As for the hypersexuality--it seems like a very strange thing to think up. I would expect a whole variety of "normal" sexual fantasies but not this. Who fantasizes about a man whose evil twin breaks into the house and molests her? Of course unless it's someone with a sexual abuse history. The other strange part is that she doesn't seem upset about it at all. Which also makes me question if it happened to her. I just need to get the answers.

    REGARDLESS I am moving forward with getting this checked out by a professional. These are just my thoughts, not anything I am sharing with Abbey. I am so grateful for this site!!
     
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Glad you can get your thoughts out, it is important. sounds like you ahve a pretty good strategy for coping.

    Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers!
     
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