Social Media

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by jugey, Apr 20, 2015.

  1. jugey

    jugey Active Member

    Hi Everyone,

    I haven't posted in ages but still drop by often to read. I'm feeling torn about how much social media to allow difficult child to have access to and how much privacy to allow. Up until about a couple of weeks ago, I had all her passwords and was able see everything that was being said and posted. She has recently shut down some accounts and set up new ones to which I don't have the passwords. I have seen a thing or two in the last week that I don't like. For example, there was a picture of her lying on a bed, quite a bit of cleavage showing, in which she was clearly trying to be provocative. Today, I see she has posted a picture on Instagram of her and a boy kissing (totally gross!). I have said to her often that whatever she posts may as well be plastered to a billboard and that it should never be considered private! Once it's out there, there's no getting rid of it! I'm not so sure she hears my message clearly though. Do I insist she share all her passwords? She'll be furious and very self righteous....it'll probably be a battle but I think the answer is obvious. I'd be grateful and any and all input. Thanks!
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If my child was sending sexual pictures to males, who may be older predators for all she knows, she would have no access to any internet except in front of me in the main room or possibly not at all. She is only 14 and this can get her into serious trouble. Is she getting help?

    My daughter is eighteen and does not post sexual stuff on the internet, not even when she has a boyfriend.
     
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    At 14... I would either have all the passwords AND be into the accounts daily OR... absolutely ZERO internet. Including no cell phone (no easy way to turn off Wi-Fi, and too easy to take pictures to post)

    Are you using a key-logger? and parent-control software (not what comes with the O/S but add-on)? and custom fire-walls? You need everything you can get your hands on.

    That doesn't prevent her from using friends' phones and computers... and she still will.

    This is probably the worst age - 14/15. Their world is in flux (transition to high school), their bodies and emotions are in flux... and it's a rough time for a "typical" teen - that much worse for our challenged kids.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I forgot cell phone. Any fourteen year old child who is showing herself on the Internet could end up getting stalked or killed, at the worst, or having her picture show up all over the place at best. She isn't ready for the social media.
     
  5. jugey

    jugey Active Member

    Lots and lots of help. We just graduated from 20 weeks of DBT skills training. She sees a therapist, one on one, once a week. Psychiatrist is seen once a month. We're on another waiting list for in home therapy.
     
  6. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    I understand as my 14 yr old daughter did the same thing getting new accounts and passwords. Its so frustrating and we do have the right to know them, even if they are doing great. Like it was said, predators are out there. My daughter doesnt like the new rules I put in place and I dont care. I have taken all electronics away between 9pm-7am ( weekends ill give to 10) and even so, the hours will be limited and if she refuses to give me all her usernames for every site/email...well then, guess she really doesnt want her electronics!!

    I wish you luck, this is not going to be easy for either one of us, but, we have to. I wish you luck and hope she doesnt send any more pics.
     
  7. jugey

    jugey Active Member

    We took her cell phone away a couple of weeks ago but she's using the ipod to text via imessage, Skype, Facebook or Instagram.
    We have Net Nanny installed on the home computer and all the laptops. I'll have to look up "key logger." I'm not sure what that is.
    Thank you Somewhere and Insane. I knew the answer but wanted to hear someone say it.
     
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hugs.

    A key-logger is software that records every single key-stroke. Among other things, you can tell if other sites or software are being logged into, and what user names and passwords are. It's essentially spy-ware, used for good-guy purposes (well... not if you ask your kids... )
     
  9. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Good luck in what your going to do jugey and I hope she realizes what she is doing soon.
     
  10. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hi Jugey

    My perspective and it may be harsh: 14 years old in our society is still a child. If somebody over 18 had sexual relations with her it would be considered rape and they would probably go to prison. Provocative pictures posted on the internet can be viewed by anyone, predator or not.

    Whether or not she understands or accepts your guidance about internet postings is not the point. She is under your control, she is your responsibility. She needs to lose the privilege to post without your oversight, until she has the judgment and maturity to make decisions that are self-protective and self-respecting. That level of functioning she may not gain, for some time.

    It is our job to teach them, and we do so by limits, I am learning. The limits bring dialog and potentially learning. She may be mad. Oh Well.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2015
  11. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    A key logger
    Hey, there you go.
     
  12. jugey

    jugey Active Member

    Many thanks to all! We've had the conversation and I now hold all passwords. We talked about safety, self respect and predators. It went well and to my surprise she didn't blow up. It seemed as though the limits might have given her a sense of relief. She said that "all" girls put up pictures like that. It might seem so but that's not case and she will be among those that do not. I really appreciate everyone's input! Until next time, on I go :)
     
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