Social Skills?

[TeDo]

difficult child 1 has a problem "sharing" friends with difficult child 2. difficult child 1 has MANY friends and difficult child 2 really doesn't. There is a boy in the neighborhood that was difficult child 2's friend for a couple years then he "got tired" of him & doesn't do anything with him anymore. difficult child 1 has now been friends with this boy since starting Boy Scouts this fall. difficult child 1 and this boy were hanging out today at our house. difficult child 2 stayed home all day to play his new Wii game. Friend started watching difficult child 2 play. difficult child 2 asked the boy if he wanted to spend the night. difficult child 1 got upset because he "hates having people spend the night because difficult child 2 & I embarrass him". HUH? difficult child 1 MUCH prefers to spend the night at other people's houses....ones with no bedtime & freedom to do almost anything they want (within reason). We don't have that here. My response was that difficult child 2 asked and it isn't difficult child 1's house so if I say it's okay, it's okay. Then difficult child 1 decides he wants to go see if some other kids can do anything "because I'm bored since friend is watching difficult child 2 play Wii". Ten minutes later friend asks where difficult child 1 is. I told him. I called difficult child 1 to tell him friend was looking for him and that is was rude to not tell him he was leaving since he's the one that asked friend over. difficult child 1 then calls friend to tell him he was mad at him because he was with difficult child 2. difficult child 1 does this alot with people they are BOTH friends with but it is okay for difficult child 1 to join difficult child 2 and his friends and difficult child 2 isn't "allowed" to get mad because "they're my friend too". This gets soooo frustrating. I feel bad for the friend when difficult child 1 does stuff like this.

Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Wiped Out]

Social skills are so hard for many of our difficult children which, of course, can make others feel bad (talking about the friend here). Gentle hugs to you.

 

[klmno]

I don't blame you. A lot of it sounds like typical teen sibling rivalry and just plain-ole hurt feelings. I'm not sure I have an answer unless you can think of a 'discreet' way to get the two difficult children to spend time together to re-bond, doing something they enjoy together and then alse help each of them see that they have time apart doing 'their own thing', too. At 13, I can see where that would be difficult.

 

[Steely]

Has he taken any social skills play therapy classes? Perhaps a thought?

 

[TeDo]

Klmno, it's more than that. difficult child 1 has been like this for years. He has his "rules" and difficult child 2 is supposed to follow them but difficult child 1 doesn't think he has to. The whole world is supposed to revolve around what difficult child 1 wants. I have to constantly remind him that he's not in charge of other people and can't make them do what he wants. Steely, there is no such thing here, even in the public schools. It is just something I am going to have to teach but in the meantime it is frustrating.

 

[Bunny]

difficult child 1 has been like this for years. He has his "rules" and difficult child 2 is supposed to follow them but difficult child 1 doesn't think he has to. The whole world is supposed to revolve around what difficult child 1 wants. I have to constantly remind him that he's not in charge of other people and can't make them do what he wants.

That sounds like my house! difficult child has rules for everyone else, but heaven forbid difficult child be held to those rules. Sort of "do as I say, not as I do", and like you, it drives me crazy.

 

[Malika]

Last night I found an article about hyperactivity (aka ADHD) - written in French by a Canadian psychiatrist so I can't post it here - and I found it much more accurate than a lot of stuff I've read. The author listed common features of ADHD children and one of them was the compulsion to always be the centre of attention, leading to more than usually conflictual relationships. I really see this in my boy - he is incapable of letting people share in what he has without making a big song and dance about it and it sounds as if the same may be true for your boy.

 

[lovelyboy]

Sorry that you have to go through all this!
My boy is also like this!!!!!!He wants to boss every one around, including adults!
He thinks he can rule his brother.....like his brother will be playing ps3, then he will come in and grab it out of the little ones hands to play with his friends! If I tell him no it is rude...he will sometimes ignore me or get upset!......For now it's not that bad, but oh boy I don't know when his brother gets older!
What works for us is house rules.....if he behaves bad, like not sharing friends or being rude he loses 2 min from going to the skate park on Saturdays.....if he behaves, share, be nice....he gets 2 min back! this was helpful to us so far!
Strengths!!!!!!