Spoke too soon :(

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Second Time Around, Oct 23, 2015.

  1. A couple of weeks ago, I posted an update on our family where it seemed like there was some improvement. However, it seems like I spoke too soon and things are not going very well with EC2. He has continued to test clean in random drug tests and is continuing the therapy sessions. However, we just had parent-teacher conferences and some of his grades have dropped to a C instead of the usually A's and B's. He seems depressed - he doesn't play the piano or guitar as much and music has been the love of his life. His friends have noticed the change in him too and have asked about it.

    Husband and I were talking about him last night. EC2 doesn't plan well. This week he took someone's shift and worked until 10pm, then had to stay up until 2am to finish his essay which was due the next day, but didn't turn it in for some reason. Then he napped all afternoon after school. When he woke up there was a text from his teacher that he hadn't turned in the assignment and he needed to email it by 10pm, so he had to go to his mom's house to email it because he'd stored it on the computer there and didn't send it. Then he also announced that he had made plans to go out with friends to music venue on Sunday. He is still on restriction and doesn't seem get that he needs to ask permission, not just announce that he's going to be somewhere. Husband told him that he couldn't go because of his attitude and the recurring pattern of not planning and then expecting everyone to make things happen. Then EC2 was upset because of husband's "tone". We were going to allow him back into the music studio and the band, but not sure what to do now.

    Husband said that it seems like EC2 thinks that he has done nothing wrong and he should be able to come and go as he pleases and we're all being unreasonable. Maybe he feels like we are all picking on him. He also has a lot of anger about his step-father, who is unreasonable and controlling. If I were in his position and my mom allowed my step-dad to treat her kids badly, I would feel depressed and angry, too. I think rebelling against that sort of treatment is what was behind his misbehavior, but I'm not sure how to handle this. We've always tried not to criticize their mom, so I don't know if I should talk about this with him or not. It seems like he is full of so much pain and anger that he can't see anyone else's point of view.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    And anger in young males is frequently a missed symptom of depression.
    Does he have a counselor or therapist that he actually trusts and likes working with? If not, get him a MALE therapist - yes, many are female, and yes, it makes a difference. (both ways - they take a different approach, so sometimes we need a female approach and sometimes we need a male approach)
  3. Yes, he has a male therapist who he started seeing this summer when the pot smoking and underage drinking came to our attention. He seems to have developed a rapport with the therapist as he has actually been talking to him, although the therapist cannot tell us exactly what EC2 tells him.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It takes time. Unfortunately - no short cuts. Been there, done that. But it's worth it.
  5. Rannveig

    Rannveig Member

    Has EC2 ever had a diagnosis, Second? I ask because he sounds remarkably like my Odin in terms of the lack of planning, expecting everyone else to make things happen, and getting depressed when that MO fails. And Odin sounds like the cases in this new book I'm reading, Smart but Stuck: Emotions in Teens and Adults with ADHD. And the book's author, Thomas Brown, talks about ADHD sufferers using recreational drugs, especially pot, to self-medicate. So, since it's clearly not my place to diagnosis your son, I was wondering if you'd gotten him a neuropsychologist work-up? Regardless, much sympathy and best wishes from here. I certainly know the complexity of having one's child shuttling back and forth between homes with different, shall we say, *personalities*.