thankful this exists

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by truebluetara, Jun 17, 2013.

  1. truebluetara

    truebluetara Guest

    I am so thankful this forum exists..i just came across it tonight while looking for some parenting advice...it has been a tough year in my house...actually who am i kidding its been a tough 13 years...my son was diagnosed with ODD/adhd at the age of three also another diagnosis of sensory prossesing disorder thrown in for good measure ...now at the age of 13 they are telling me oops we were wrong he is somewhere on the Autistic spectrum...wasnt a shock for me i knew it all along but noone would listen to me...i had him doing so well until puberty set in and now havoc is ruling.. Exhaustion set in and i guess i was avoiding the hard work i need to do...somedays it felt like i was alone in it..his step father has zero patience for any of it... But being here tonight has renewed my courage to get crackin and roll up my sleeves again ...feels like im starting at ground zero but at least i dont feel alone in it anymore...thank you for that! I learned so much tonight already and ive barley scratched the surface...
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there and welcome. Sorry you had to be here though.

    Your story is a lot like mine. Son was first diagnosed with ADHD/ODD. I have found that is a common early diagnosis that often changes with time and revelation as t he child ages and the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) becomes obvious. My son was not diagnosed until 11, but we fought the school tooth and nail for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)-like interventions so by his teens he was actually considerably better. But it's not too late for your son. You need to get the school and community involved in his interventions. ADHD/ODD/Sensory Integration Disorder (SID)...they are all a part of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). The kiddos are major-time frustrated so they act out if they don't get the right sort of help to learn how to cope with their differences.

    In our case we had an Occupational Therapist (OT), PT and social s kills coach. A psychiatrist actually hurt more than helped him and m isdiagnosed him with bipolar and insisted he had bipolar, even when it was very clear he did not. Oh, the heavy medications they put the poor kid on, and he is better off medication-free. A neuropsychologist finally sent us in the direction we had suspected all along...the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) direction. After the diagnosis. the school had more trouble fighting with us over what to put into his IEP. And he got progressively better.

    Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is actually a diagnosis in which a child can improve if he is high functioning and getting the right kind of help. in my opinion only a therapist or psychologist or psychologist who SPECIALIZES in autistic children is the way to get any help, if you want to use mental health at all. My son never did see a psychiatrist again after Dr. I'm-Sure-It's-Bipolar (my son isn't even moody!). School and my own education about Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) probably helped him the most and the child himself. He was highly motivated to do well.

    Today he is almost 20. He isn't in college and will never be a neurosurgeon, but he functions very well in a special working environment which trains him to go out in the community for a job (and helps place him). He has a few good friends and will be very able to function in his own apartment next year. He is a happy young man...maybe the most contented of all my children. He is maturing later than average, but that's normal with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).

    I urge you to get all the help for your son that he is allotted for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). You can't do it alone. Call your local Autism Society to connect with other parents to see where the interventions are and how they got them.

    Good luck. It's a pity that so many Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids are diagnosed with ADHD/ODD early on, but that's the reality of it.
     
  3. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    My story is very similar to your and MWM's. My son was diagnosed with ADHD at age 3. Stimulants put him on a "drug high" and at the time there wasn't anything else for kids so young. He almost got kicked out of kindergarten after the 2nd day because he destroyed the room within an hour of being there. I realized that it was fear so I went to school with him the whole day the next day and things were fine after that. In 4th grade, school became harder for him and expectations increased so behaviors increased as well. The school dealt with them harshly. ODD and "possible bipolar" were added as diagnosis. Many medications were tried and it was not pretty. He carried those into middle school where things went downhill. Their answer to dealing with ODD was to "show them who's the boss". In 6th grade, his sensory needs increased. The 3rd Occupational Therapist (OT) we went to was AWESOME and a huge help. She found things that hindered schoolwork and sensory processing disorder (SPD) was added to the mix. We switched psychiatrists when ours left and that's when the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis replaced the ODD and "possible bipolar". The psychiatrist put difficult child 1 on Risperdal because "it has been shown to help with the anxiety in kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)". The need for more abstract thinking and the need to be able to figure things out using context clues in school work increased and difficult child 1 just wasn't capable of doing that. Frustration increased and behaviors became severe. He spent most of his time in the principal's office with worksheets in front of him from his classes. I'm sure you can figure out what happened. I fought the school for over a year to get help and appropriate interventions but the absolutely refused to accept the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis. difficult child 1 became violent on the Risperdal so we Difficult Child'd it. The school situation sent him into a very, very deep depression so the psychiatrist put him on Prozac. Over a period of 5 months, his defiance and impulsivity gradually got worse and then violence set in again, landing him on a 72-hour hold at a phsop. It was caused by the Prozac.

    Through this process, I have had to make a lot of changes in how I handle situations. The book The Explosive Child taught me to dig for the reasons for the behaviors. By asking why about most everything, I learned how difficult child 1 thinks and how differently that is. Now that I know how he thinks, I have learned how to teach him the social things and alternate thinking of others. It's been a long rode but we are doing quite well now. There are still bumps in the road and I have learned to accept him the way he is and keep in mind that he may chronologically be 15 years old but that emotionally, he's closer to 10. I have had to change my expectations of him but at the same time actively teach him to act like a 15 year old. It's hard and can be frustrating but it is working.

    Glad you found us and that you're finding this board as helpful as I have over the years. For a long time, this was my lifeline and my sanity. ((((HUGS)))) to you and difficult child.
     
  4. truebluetara

    truebluetara Guest

    Thanks so much for your responses... Its been so hard getting the help i need for my son..tried therapists...child development center every source ive turned to has tried flipping his behaviour on me like im the problem...ive had social workers investigate me more times than i can count...obviously they turned up nothing but it was very traumitizing and embarressing now my son threatens me chronically with social services if he doesnt get his own way..making my job even tougher... I have read the exposive child but i really prefer the got an angry child book its full of usefull tools on reprogramming yourself as a parent ... Over the years i have learned what sets him off and how to word things differently...which is so easy on a good day but when your tired and worn out it becomes harder not to get iimpatient and show fustration...what really sucks is he is highly intelligent child and can have me running around in circles during an argument...over the years i have learned not to get into them with him because he can break me down and confuse the situation...what makes it harder is he is extroidinarily physically mature for his age he is only 13 but has the build of a 17/18 yearold boy complete with the facial hair ....people expect more from him and it increases his anxiety... Not to mention makes his meltdowns harder to manage when he rages the destruction can get pretty expensive...which sucks! I hace to say though he amazes me so often his generosity and loving heart blows me away..he is beautiful... I just hope i can help him manage his issues and become the best version of him he can be...
     
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    TBT... how about some different kinds of reading? Try John Elder Robinson's books... he has a really interesting bio, plus some "advice" for those who work with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids. The two I know about are Look Me In The Eye, and Be Different. The more you can understand how Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)/Aspie people THINK, the better... really, they are wired differently, and figuring that out really helps.

    The other thing that helps is to consider overload. Sensory, mental, emotional, every front can be overloaded. And lots of problem behaviors are the result of overload. How structured is your home life? How quiet? Have you tried adjusting those levels?
     
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, truebluetara.
    Boy, do I know what you mean when you say that your son is smart and can have you running around in circles!
    I have slowly learned to STOP the conversation and just say, "Because I said so."
    He'll scream, "YOU LIED!" and it is so hard not to want to defend myself. But YOU are the mom and he is the kid. Just say that to him over and over again.
    In regard to the "wrong" diagnosis, he actually was correctly but only partially diagnosis'ed. Autistic kids are typically ODD and ADHD and have sensory processing issues. So, now you've just put them all together and given them a new name.
    What sorts of things set him off? Is he willing to discuss them?
    One thing that's been very hard for us is that our difficult child looks so "normal" that certain teachers and people just expect him to behave normally, no matter how many 504 mtngs we've had, and they think he's just ticking them off deliberately. Sometimes, maybe he is, but most of the time, he just doesn't get it. For example, one teacher this yr got on his case because he was daydreaming. She said, "I'm going to call your mother." He said, "Okay, do that."
    Sounds like a snotty 16-yr-old, but it's also very Aspie. You're going to call my mother? Nothing I can do about it. Fine.
    Frustrating no matter which way you look at it. We spent an entire therapy session trying to explain to him how that looked from the outside. I think he gets it now.
    In regard to Soc Svs, all you can do is memorize their names and which kind of coffee or tea they like and have it ready when they show up! Who knows, someday, you may need them. Gulp.
    My son has threatened to call Soc Svs ... because I took away his phone. Or was it his iPod? I told him to go ahead. He never dialed. Of course, he didn't know the number, either. ;)
     
  7. STRESSEDTOMAX

    STRESSEDTOMAX Member

    TerryJ2 - Your comment about memorizing their names and knowing what kind of coffee/tea they like made my day...thanks!!
     
  8. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    Terry- that made my day too :)
     
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