I am home from a stressful day and the first thing I read is this post..........making me feel as if I am a part of something special, something which brings me such solace and allows me to share what I've learned along the way................thank you MWM for writing the words............... as we can see, we ALL agree with you.
It brought to mind a dark, cold January morning, oh probably around 2 AM..........you all know those nights, when your terror and anguish about your difficult child prevents any sleep at all and keeps you up searching for answers, for something to make the pain go away, to bring some understanding..............something, anything.................anything..........that was two years ago and I was lost in my misery...............and I did a search for something, I can't recall what...........and up pops this board. I read story after story for hours on end..........I couldn't quite believe what I was reading................there are other parents out there who are going through THIS!? OMG. I wrote my first post. From that point to now, every day I am grateful that I found this forum..........
I think about you all every day. "I wonder how Cedar and her husband are doing today............did LMS hear from young difficult child......how is MWM's pregnant daughter doing.............how did ECHO do on her son's birthday...........Is COM still sad today..............is helpangel's cat still in the basement..............is Janet really moving out..............hmmmm, is Trinity flying through the air today.................did SS's son contact them...............how is BITS today.......is Witz still having bad dreams.......is WF's son still okay?".............................and those who post less but I still think of them as well..........
We here on the PE side have created a very special and unique energy which is palatable, it feels to me like a cocoon that I can enter at any time and in some ways I am always there ..........it feels as if I am encircled in a familiarity and similarity that because of our difficult child's and the fire hot pain we all have to withstand as we go through this process..........it's as if we are bonded in some deep ways that are difficult to articulate.
Cedar once made the statement that what we go through here is a "devastation like no other" and those words have always resonated so strongly with me...................especially for us with adult difficult child's, where our hopes are diminished and we've been at it a lot longer............we're worn out and broken in ways our younger counter-parts are not............and...............we all know it too..............we're a tad older and life has shown us some pretty bizarre and scary things at this point................we now know the fragility of it all and we are learning just how powerless we really are...................not everyone has to go through that, not everyone has to learn these lessons.........we are the "chosen" ones, for better or worse, the ones who have to get on with life in spite of what the person we love the most in the world............is doing............or not doing.............This is a position no one in their right mind would want to be in and yet.................here we are.....................
And, in the midst of our personal hell................we find others who are feeling all the same things, going through their own nightmare............... just like me. And that we found each other in the vast universe out there..............that we can write down our feelings and have another human being, who could be 10,000 miles away, respond to our cry...............soothe our broken parts.............offer a hand in the middle of the tsunami of horrors we are smack in the middle of...................that is something to be grateful for, that is something to celebrate.
And we can still find joy in this place................we can still stand tall and make profound changes............we can still have faith in life and love and keep our hearts opened................we can still be vulnerable and trust life................and I believe if we move through this place, we can find that elusive peace............that sense that everything is okay, that acceptance of all that is.............
So, thank you MWM for shining a light on the preciousness of this "soft place to land" I am most grateful, so appreciative and so blessed to be here...............my wish for all of us is that we find that peace and acceptance...........
