The violence makes me..

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mrscatinthehat, Nov 26, 2007.

  1. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    glad he is at Residential Treatment Center (RTC). difficult child 2 is escalating again. husband talked to him on the phone the other night and things were going fine. (I am still only talking at my leisure since he won't follow the rules etc) Then after about 10 minutes he started his diatribe about how we didn't do anything to help him before sending him where he is. :rolleyes: He sees someone he knows at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that comes down for weekend therapy (I don't know all the details but this kid is a definate difficult child too). So our difficult child wants to know why we never did anything like that for him. Because we all know that all the therapy and medications and modifications we made helped so much to start with. He has it in his head that he can ride this out (like a jail sentence) and at 18 he will be "free". Well because of his offending that is so not the case. Plus the violence. He has been hitting female staff (not just a little tap but all out punching) on a regular basis the last few days again. But it is all our fault blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I have been making husband take the calls from his Residential Treatment Center (RTC) while I take the ones from gfg1s Residential Treatment Center (RTC). The other night I forgot to look at the caller ID (what was I thinking) when I heard the voice on the other end and they said they were from his place I just cringed. More violence.

    I don't know where they get that it is ok to hit. Or be aggressive. husband is soooo not that way. I of course have no idea what he saw from the men his bio mom brought home in the couple of years he was there.

    So now that we are detatching from therapy with him he is using this as one of his latest excuses to do harm to himself and others. Alas I of course feel no guilt. I really feel very little about it. Which is a little disconcerting.

    So now I feel guilt for not feeling guilt. :hammer: Heaven help me. Sorry there is no real point to this post except to ramble.

    Beth
     
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Beth

    I think you feel no guilt because you have come to realize that these are difficult child's choices, one's only he can make.

    I'm glad he's doing the stuff at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and not at home.

    (((hugs)))
     
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I so understand the feeling of guilt because of thinking I should be feeling guilty. It's a strange, vicious circle. You know you've done your best but your best isn't quite good enough. The behavior is a choice of your child but where did your child get the idea that this type of behavior was acceptable. However, you think maybe just maybe you could have done more and then realize you did everything you could. So, you wonder what is wrong with you that you don't feel guilty, like you failed, like something ....

    I'm surprised the staff hasn't started pressing charges against him. At my daughter's Residential Treatment Center (RTC), you hit once and it was okay. The second time was a warning that the next time the police would be called and they would be called.

    There is a lot of delusion in kids in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Other kids fill their heads with all kinds of junk. It is much easier to listen to the ones who aren't working the program than those that are. Working the program is hard work! They think they can manipulate everyone and then walk away as if nothing happened. For some, they see this doesn't work quickly. For others, it takes awhile. Sadly, some never quite get it and fake their way through. My daughter went almost 12 months before she showed her true colors. It took another 2 months before she actually did any true work. In the last 4 months, she made remarkable strides. Not enough to be totally different when she got home, but enough to help her cope with the outside world. Most importantly, I'm seeing her use the tools she learned there today. I hope your son gets it one day.
     
  4. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Oh Beth - I am just so laughing here. Our difficult children really do a number on us... feeling guilty for *not* feeling guilty. :rofl: I have so been there done that!!

    I don't know where the violence comes from or why they think it's ok. thank you certainly never saw anything even remotely violent at home - heck, I never even let him watch Power Rangers (a fact we don't discuss because I'm quite sure *that* deprivation has something to do with some ridiculous behavior of his, LOL). What really concerns me is that after 7.5 years of Residential Treatment Center (RTC), thank you is *still* capable of becoming very physically threatening, and he's not a little kid anymore. But it is *never* his fault - he thinks he's justified because (insert excuse of the day). It scares me because it's incredibly unsafe behavior - either he's going to get himself seriously hurt for threatening the wrong person or his little fanny is going to be locked up. He refuses to see that he simply cannot behave that way, ever.

    I've really been struggling the last couple of months with just being bone weary of it all. I'm feeling really resentful and angry for the first time in a very long time. We had yet another (probably pointless) discussion over the holiday about how he'd better get his act together and pretty darn soon - we've got about 15 months until he's 18 and then... well, he's ill prepared to do much of anything and I quite frankly just don't care anymore.

    Anyway, on the way up back up to TLP I asked husband to reinforce both the conversation and also how very *very* much we love thank you. I guess the subject of AWOLs came up and amazingly thank you is still blaming us for him going AWOL. :hammer:

    I think after so many years of dealing with this completely illogical/irrational/severely impaired mindset, with no true change in it despite interventions and treatment out the ears, I'm just tired of beating my head against the same old wall. He's going to have to learn (or not) by experience and somehow I am going to have to keep myself from getting overly worked up about it, which may take nothing short of general anesthetic.

    Sorry - now I'm rambling. :wink: You are not alone, though.
     
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