This is big enough Buck news I am putting it here.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DammitJanet, Jan 25, 2013.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Okay most folks know he left here last Friday supposedly headed to TN for a job. He didnt give Tony any clear itinerary of his plans or exactly where he was going or how he got this job or what the job was. That made me suspicious but I kept my mouth shut about it. It just raised the hair on the back of my neck for some reason. Something seemed wrong.

    His plans included stopping outside of Charlotte NC at "a boy's house I know" and spending the night before he left out the next morning to go to TN. Both Tony and I assumed this guy was going with him to TN. Also Buck went to his doctor before he left that Friday morning - or supposedly did - and was supposed to have filled all his prescriptions before he left. Now Buck is not only on pain medications but he is also on some very high doses of blood pressure medications, cholesterol medications, Elavil, and a few others I cant think of but they werent medications you cant just go off of cold turkey. I am afraid he didnt fill the others except the pain medications.

    I think I mentioned we didnt hear from him except for that Friday when we got a garbled call that Friday night with a phone call saying something about his headlights going out.

    Tony got a phone call yesterday from his brother in law saying Buck was in the hospital yesterday in his old hometown, which is the town we got him from...also the town his girlfriend had gone back to. Buck is evidently in ICU hemorrhaging. Now we dont know where he is bleeding from but I have my guess. Supposedly the rumor is that he was robbed by someone and they stole all his medication and he couldnt take his medication but no one knows why he didnt end up in TN and why he is in Anderson. I can figure that one out. I dont think there was ever a job in TN and he was just going back to Anderson to get up with this old girlfriend and he figured he could call us at some point and tell us it didnt work out and come back here but now this has happened and he has been caught.

    I know I am being mean but I told Tony since he has now landed back in Anderson he is back in the lap of his other family. He isnt our problem anymore. Tony can worry about him as is normal, Tony can feel badly but his brother fed us a line of bs. Tony says we dont know that. I just looked at him with that skeptical look that said it all. If he didnt lie to us he wouldnt have ended up in Anderson. Something is rotten in Denmark. Now Tony is asking me if it could be Buck took any of my pills. I told him I know he took them before this but he never believed me. I dont think I am missing any pills right now. If I am it would only be one or two. Tony wont even consider that Buck might have gone back on any illegal drugs with someone. Im not as sure. If he did something like cocaine along with not having his blood pressure medications, that could do it. He has very high blood pressure. So high he is on two pills for it. He has to carry his medications in a gallon zip lock bag. Honestly no one would want to steal his medications for anything but the pain medications.

    I told Tony if he is going to make it through this, he will probably need either some sort of nursing care and maybe even nursing home care or rest home care if it is a brain bleed. He can get that up there. They have much better free health care than we have down here for him. He is better off up there. Im perfectly willing to do research from here but this time he doesnt need to come back here because we cannot take on a completely disabled person in our home. He has enough trouble taking care of me. I do think he knows this. He is going to feel guilty though about sending him off and this happening but oh well. Buck was the one who told everyone that he had these plans. He was also the one who never gave anyone any information about where he was going. I did ask too. Buck wouldnt answer me either.
     
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, I'm not surprised that what he told you all was a load of it......but I wouldn't wish ill health on anyone. So, I'm sorry that he is so very ill right now.

    I'm sure that the docs have done tox screenings already to see what was in his system; it's now a matter of who will get that information - I'm guessing the brother in law. I wonder if Buck is able to assign someone to receive his medical information - would this be his sister?

    I find it interesting that Tony would question the stealing medications at this point - maybe he's grasping for answers......

    Keep us posted.

    Sharon
     
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I don't wish bad things on people, and I still don't. I just think this is a case of karma catching up to Buck. It has a way of doing that.

    I think my next questions would be, who thought to notify his family there from the hospital (might turn out family knew he was coming back whereas Tony didn't) and who they spoke to that gave them info on this hemorrhaging. Why? Because if it was Buck himself......well then I'd take it with a grain of salt until speaking with either the nurse's desk or his doctor....if it was staff that informed them I'd ask specifically where this hemorrhaging is supposed to be, how bad ect. You're assuming brain bleed.......but it could be the stomach or somewhere else. Hemorrhaging is not a good thing......but it's less critical depending on where it is located. Know what I mean??

    Personally, I don't think Buck is capable of the truth even when it isn't necessary to lie.

    I'd stand firm on this. You all have had him for quite a long while. Time for other family to step in if needed. You and Tony have more than done your part.

    I doubt anyone robbed him for his medications. He probably took all the pain medications and the elivil (which is valium and you can get a nice dopey buzz from) and is using the mugging as an excuse for not having the other medications.

    If he's had really high blood pressure for a sustained period......well, there is the explanation of the brain bleed. Stroke. Last thing you and Tony need on your hands is a rehabbing stroke patient. Or I should say on YOUR hands as Tony would be at work most of the time.

    Time has come for you to dig in your heels. Buck has other family. If they don't want to care for him they can admit him to a nursing home, given he survives at all that is.

    ((hugs))
     
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Of course I don't wish bad health to anyone and I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Even if you don't care much about Buck, it still hoovers when someone, who is loved by someone you love is in trouble. But there may be some silver lining here. What you have told to us, it doesn't really seem like Buck is able to take care of himself. And it is likely not getting any better when he gets older. If this health crisis pushes him over the line that makes him able to get services, it may, in the end, turn out to be a lucky thing for him. If he ends up to nursing home or some supported living situation his life quality can even get better than it was. And it certainly would reduce the stress and worry Tony is having for him.
     
  5. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I think hospitals have someone on staff, like a social worker, who can organize admission directly from the hospital to the proper care facility. Don't let Tony take Buck out of the hospital, because then you're on your own! If Buck needs aftercare, and this "other family" is not stepping up, do all you can to encourage Tony to speak with the hospital staff to ensure placement!
     
  6. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Oh Janet! My head's spinning.

    I'm with you. You've more than done your part in looking after Buck. Now it's the rest of the family's turn, especially if he has better access to services where he is now. I agree that digging in your heels is the right way to go. Perhaps emphasize to Tony that Buck will get much better care where he is now than if he came back to your location? Honestly, at this point I'd do or say whatever I had to just to keep him away.

    Many {{{hugs}}}
     
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Well, I do hope he gets into care if he needs it but mostly I'm glad he is not complicating your life now. I am sorry for Tony because he is his brother but the dynamic they have is so unhealthy for Tony as much as buck.

    wonder if Buck was born now what his diagnosis. would be as a child? overall it is very sad.
     
  8. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Of course you tell your brother the details about your job, unless something fishy is going on. The hospital can help him apply for whatever benefits he can get...I'm hoping by the call from brother in law, that he's picked up the baton and your family is done with him. He's been a thief and a liar the first day last Christmas, until he left on Frday. Good Riddance!
     
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am very sure he lied about his plans because he wanted to be 'rescued' when his partying was done and there was never a job, just a chance of some sex and drugs with some woman. It is what it is. Either way, thankfully he is out of your hair.

    You need to tell Tony that if he goes and gets Buck then he is going to end up responsible for ALL Buck's care and needs and you will NOT help a whit. You can help as long as Buck stays where he is, but if he comes to your area, you back off and MAKE Tony figure all of it out for hmself. Buck is not able to care for himself if this is as serious as it sounds. If he needs any level of care, it is best if he is left where he is and the hospital will arrange for medicaid or medicare to set it up and pay for it and make sure he gets it. He has family there and they know him well and can care for him. Tony needs to stop trying to be Buck's parent and treat Buck the same as he does his other siblings, Know what I mean?? Would Tony feel bad if his brother Van was out of work? Yes. Would he try to house, feed and clothe Van? I doubt it. Most of all, let Tony know that it would be mean and WRONG to bring Buck to your area where there are no places for him to get the help he needs with-o paying a ton of money. Push the idea that he would be HARMING Buck to bring him to your area where so much that he needs is not available.

    I do not wish ill health on anyone, but in my opinion this is what you get for living like Buck has. It is what it is. Also, elavil is a tricyclic antidepressant, amitryptiline, and is not valium, which is a benzodiazepine. It can get you high though and I have known more than a few people who took it to come down off a cocaine/crack/meth high. Idiots, in my opinion, but that is what they liked it for. It is much easier to get than valium also.
     
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    elavil is also used as a preventative for migraines... and for some people, wo
     
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Thank you Susie for catching my error with the elavil. I'm not that "on the ball" at 6 ish in the morning. Not enough coffee. LOL
     
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow. Just wow.
     
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yeah I know what elavil is, he didnt. I didnt tell him. He was also on another AD at one time but I made the mistake of saying it was a psychiatric medication to him and he refused to take it from that day forward because he "wasnt crazy like Janet".

    I know a tad bit more.

    Supposedly he went up towards TN but "heard" that it was snowy and the job told them it wouldnt start for another week or two so he didnt know what to do so he called some guy he knew back in Anderson. Now this is where everything gets very unclear and cloudy...well the whole thing is pure bs but this part is really pulled out of thin air...he says he was waiting for this guy to come to this little store he was in and he started feeling bad. The guy gets there and there were two guys in the car. They took him to the little clinic they have up there. One of the guys drove Bucks car. Supposedly Bucks medicine got taken at the clinic. Now I dont know if that means the people at the clinic took it or if he means the two guys took it. Supposedly one of the guys has his car because if he left it in the parking lot of the clinic they would tow it.

    Now I have no clue who these guys are and neither does Tony and I dont know if brother in law does either. Tony wont ask these types of questions. He wont ask the hard questions.

    Oh, supposedly the bleeding is in the stomach because Buck was taking so many pain pills, then taking a ton of tylenol and advil on top of that. Then I found out he stole a whole bottle of my ketoprofen and took that. Those Ketoprofen were 150mgs and he would pop them like candy.

    Now Angie has had Buck before and she wont take him again. None of them will. His brother Jimmy actually has a camper in his yard and wont even talk to him. But Buck has brought this on himself! He wont admit it but he has. Its not just me who doesnt want him around. The entire family has had enough. I dont know why Tony cant open his eyes and see that if everyone else has had enough, that means we can say enough too. Tony is now saying that Buck has the right to come down here and set up household on this land. Well over my dead body. He certainly hasnt ever paid a dime on this land and he isnt just gonna squat here. Im not even gonna let it get to that though. Im not letting him leave SC.

    Im furious I was out of it all this afternoon. I wanted Tony to let me write him out a list of questions and things to talk to the hospital social worker and have him call the one at the hospital Buck is in. He refused and said I could do it next week or Angie could do it. Oh hell no...Im not letting Angie decide to send Buck down here! I want to talk to someone and get it fixed. I have to pray that he stays in the hospital until next week. Tony told him to tell them he is homeless. Buck said then they wouldnt let him out and Tony told him exactly, you dont have anywhere to go and you dont have anyway to take care of yourself.

    To be continued.
     
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Arrrgh!! Just what you need before, during, and after all that dental work, when you need to stay calm and heal. Argh!
    I'm sorry. I hope the hospital keeps him for a few days until you can call or fax some questions. Fingers crossed.
     
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Janet, hospitals are open on the weekends. You can call and tell them tomorrow that Buck is homeless and is flat out lying about having a home and that he has NO WHERE to stay if he gets out. Tell them that your husband is well meaning, but he is older and not in good health and that you are disabled and had a grandchild just move into your spare room and you have NOW HERE for buck to go and none of the relatives have any resources. Also tell them that he STOLE your ketoprofen and if he comes down there you are turning him in to the cops because he has done this more than once and being around you won't help because he will just take them again and end up hemorraging again. They are NOT going to let him go so fast if they know this.

    You don't have to wait until Monday. Call and talk to the nurses and ask them to get the doctor and sw and conference call you. Tell them his attitude toward 'psychiatric' medications and that he will NOT take ANY medication as directed with-o supervision and that there are NO services where you are and that sending him to your area is a death warrant because he has no one there who can do anything to help him. Tell them Tony means well but just wasn't being honest because Buck was pressuring him.

    Keep calling each day and making SURE they know this and it may help keep him there. You don't have to tell Tony all of this, but just let them know that there isn't even a shelter in your area that would take him, and that he stole your medications and that is why he is so sick and you won't have him around to let that happen again.
     
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good idea Susie. I didnt think the SW's would be there on weekends. I have an issue with Tony thinking that Buck can get SSI within a week or three. He thinks SSI takes no time while disability is the one that takes a long time. I have tried to tell him that they are one in the same. I could have gotten SSI in the beginning because I had absolutely no income. What they do, as most people know is to figure out if you have the medical diagnosis to even qualify for disability before they go to which program you fall under. Tony doesnt believe me. He knows a guy who got SSI in a month...or supposedly.

    Well maybe that guy actually applied longer ago or maybe he had a worse diagnosis or even something else none of us are aware of. There are certain qualifying disabilities that are shoe ins. Cancer where you are not expected to live longer than a year, extremely bad heart conditions where you are no longer able to work, things like that. Drug abuse and alcohol are not qualifiers anymore. His hip issues, diabetes, and blood pressure may possibly qualify him but its not going to be a shoe in. It will probably take him longer than a month though maybe the SW can pull strings to get him approved faster. Actually I would like it that way because he wouldnt get a lump sum. Buck and a lump sum would be bad for me because it would give him money to stick a trailer down here.

    I dont think he would fit in to an assisted living facility from what I have read. He wouldnt have the funding. He would need some sort of rest home which is a step down from a nursing home. He wont like that but oh well.

    I definitely need to get tough with the people at the hospital and tell them he simply cannot come back here because I cant take care of him in my condition. I did it when Tony's family wanted us to take on his father and I just knew we couldnt take him on. He was a quad and we had 3 small boys and I was going to school full time. I actually went and talked to SW's at a nursing home to make sure I wasnt being selfish and they agreed with me. I had to put my foot down then too. That time he listened to me without a fuss. I dont know why Tony seems to want Buck down here around him. He is the last person we need around. Actually if Kelly wants to help him out, she can allow him to put a trailer on her land which is really their grandmother's land. We dont need him 100 feet from us.
     
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hospitals discharge patients every day, which means they have to have sw's there on the weekends because that is who deals with the home care arrangements. they may try to tell you there isn't a sw there, but it isn't true. Insist on telling the nurses, the docs, leave messages on answering machines and tell them that in no way will Buck be able to get help in your area and that with no income he will just end up in prison for stealing your medications. Then, every single time you have medications or other items missing, you file a police report no matter what Tony wants. Let Tony know if Buck comes back then you will press charges for stealing the ketoprofen and every other thing he does including picking fights on you.
     
  18. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Just catching up on your post Janet and have a question that is a little bit off target. Does Tony read well? I noticed that there have been a number of times you have written down things or offered to write down things and he has blown it off. Is it possible that his reading skills are not as advanced as you think they are? Could be that is why he is passing off the responsibility. Meanwhile I am hoping that this new crisis gets resolved. As you know I am a newbie to the disability world but I "thought" that lump sum payments were only given to those who applied for disability and had to wait some time for approval. I do know that easy child/difficult child's first application was done in the hospital when he was 18 with a SW doing the work. When he got his lump sum this year it did not go back to 18 because there was a lapse in filing efforts which disallowed the first couple of years disabled. I can't imagine that Buck will qualify for past months/years. DDD
     
  19. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Only thing I can add is I really like Susie's idea, just wanted to let you know I'm following all this and OY. SMH.
     
  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Just checking in ...
     
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