This is long but need advice. difficult child handcuffed in my yard today.

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AmericanGirl, Jul 31, 2012.

  1. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    difficult child came here today. I ignored doorbell. Went to neighbors and used her phone. I pretended I was at WalMart. He didn't buy it cause he came right back here and began ringing bell over and over.

    Talked to him out of a second story window. He was crazed. Said they were after him and would kill him. Jumped and ran every time a car passed (he didn't do that with my neighbor). Said where he was staying was a child porno ring. He had the key to the safe but couldn't find it to see if the tapes were in it. Cops need his help. Bad guys are going to get him.

    Begs me to let him go back to rehab. On HIS terms. Nope, you must go here (a local faith based ministry which will take him now) and in two months, when insurance will pay, I will take you to one of the best places in the country. No.....he wants to go to X, the place we tried for IOP but as an inpatient. Not doing that.

    He jumps the fence and starts banging on the back door. I had refused to let him in the front. I had an Al-anon sponsor listening to most of this on the speakerphone. He says - call cops. I do. difficult child doesn't know I did so and is back in front yard when they come. I say "No one is trying to murder you" etc. as they are walking up so I can prove to them what he has been saying.

    They cuff him and search him. One comes inside with me. We discuss options. Trespass. Let him go. Make appointment with county mental health officer for consult. I ask them if they will accompany difficult child to where his stuff is - he claims his life is in danger. No they cannot go on the property. Ok, you can park on the curb. No...**and this is the kicker**....I cannot interfere with a pending investigation. I ask him if I am supposed to read between the lines. He says nothing.

    So....I think some of what difficult child is saying is true. Cop and I go outside. difficult child is handcuffed in my front yard with six cops. We talk to him. He refuses to allow me to take him to treatment. Cops tell him not to return. I tell him when he is ready to call me or get me a message. difficult child is released and leaves. Cops don't say much but admit that house where he has been is an issue.

    Go inside. Talk to two key Al-anon friends. I get on FB. create new account, and message difficult child. Sure enough he answers. We talk. I found out he can go to Salvation Army shelter tonight and then maybe get into their rehab in the morning. Different that the first program I suggested so I try that. Here are some of his comments back to me as we discuss it:

    No I dont believe in what ythey believe in. I will diee before I go somewhere that forces religion on me.
    I swear to God if you leave me out here I won't live until OCT. They came for us last night and Saturday night.
    has kid filming rooms in the house i dont want to be here i dont want to drink and were running out of time.
    Salvation army is gonna be either faith based or all old people
    I'll go to the salvation army if they let me use my phone, internet, smoke, and they feed me. We have to let everyone know I moved somewhere far out of the area.
    I need a shower and more cigarettes I know your trying to play me
    Ok will I have a room at the salvation army

    • Here are the last five lines

      difficult child....How do I know I can trust you? gotta better option?
      difficult child...Actually I know that I can't you tought me that
      Me...then forget it...cya
      difficult child...I'm going to die

      He then blocked me.

      I looked at his FB. He messages his sponsor and another in recovery syaing he wated to go to rehab and I won't take him where he wanted to go. They weren't online.

      He contacted someone he met at the sober house who is his age and back here living with his parents. Told the guy that he relapsed, is broke and needs help. The guy came up here and got him.

      I'm grateful for that because I will sleep better tonight.

    Have spoken with the county mental health officer. He says I can start committment papers due to the bipolar diagnosis. BUT...laws are such that if difficult child is high and crazy...he can do nothing....only if he is high. I'm going to talk to them more tomorrow.

    I don't know what to think. difficult child lies but I know the police know something about that house so there is some validity. difficult child is on more than beer - he says THC but he told someone else a different story earlier. My gut tell me it is part substance, part crazy people around him and a huge part of stubborn "I want it MY way NOW."

    I'm thankful he chose someone in recovery to call. Grateful he went to that guy's parents home.

    I'm tired. Haven't eaten all day. Need to cry. Thanks for reading this far.
  2. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    P.S. He called his sponsor. Said he had been to a meeting with the guy who came to get him. Asked sponsor to call me and tell me he was okay. Said everything got too much for him. Sponsor thinks he had been tripping....I dunno. Just thankful he is calm at the moment.
  3. AG - I have not experienced what you are going through right now. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I know many of your friends on here will be along soon with words of support and wisdom that I don't have for you.

    Big hugs from up here in Canada, hoping you can find a little peace and calm tonight. I feel awful for you. :(
  4. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Oh sweetie, I am so so sorry. Lots of hugs to you. I wish I could come get you...I am worried about you - you are doing such a good job of being brave and staying strong - but you are really under a deluge.

    He needs help. I think it's more than drugs. I know nothing about mental illness - but it sounds like he has had some sort of break. Exacerbated by his surroundings and his substances for sure - but I have this strong feeling that it's the well side of him that keeps reaching out to the "right" people. His sponsor, his friend, you. Please take that as a good sign.

    Stay strong. You amaze me. I hope this is the key to getting him into the "right" help ASAP.

  5. 92025

    92025 Member

    Very terrible situation, but sounds like you are doing exactly the correct things to do.
  6. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    He called. Sounded totally different. Going to two meetings tomorrow.

    Apologized for today. Said he wanted to see me tomorrow before 1st meeting. I agreed as it is in public. Then, he remarks if i turn phone on he can call and let me know exact time. Nope. Contract cancelled. He can unblock me on facebook and send me a message.

    Said he realized his idiot pal was full of it. Then he said something about moving back to the town where he rehabbed and living with a friend of his sponsors. I didnt respond....that isnt happening even if i wake up in the morning with my brains pooled on the floor.

    Arghhh. Addicts.
  7. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    OMG! I just can't imagine the scene you had at your house tonight. I wish we lived closer so I could come and take you out of that situation. I am saying all kinds of prayers that your son will get the help he desperately needs. He is really crying out for help now, but he won't accept help when he is out of his mind on drugs. Please try to get some rest. I am really worried about you. (HUGS)...
  8. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I am worried about you. Please do not go alone to meet him. If you have a male friend who can step in if need be, that would be ideal.

    I was told, don't know if it is true or not, by my son's psyc. that kids who are diagnosed as BiPolar (BP) at a young age are twice as likely to become scizophrenic by late teens early 20's. A lot of what he is doing and the delusions sound like my son's father when he was deep in the throes of an episode. They can become very dangerous.
  9. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    What a scene yesterday, AG. Terrible. Pls. check in today.
  10. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    I'm home. OK. difficult child called last night about 1130. Calm. Apologized for his behavior in what appeared to be a sincere way. The mom of the guy who picked him up wouldn't let him stay there. He ended up going home with someone from the 12 step meeting (maybe 30 minutes from me).

    He said he never dreamed it could get this bad this fast. He wanted to meet me before his noon meeting to talk. In public. Told him I would be near there about 9 and if he wanted me to stay in the area, then he needed to unblock me on FB and send me a msg. He asked if I would turn phone on. Explained contract was cancelled. He mentioned something about his sponsor saying he might could move in with a mutual friend back in the town he did rehab in. I made no comment.

    He didn't msg me so I came home. Going to turn phone off and take a nap. I ain't playing. He can go to homeless shelter or rehab. Not financing him staying at this other guy's house.

    by the way, our local paper comes out once a week. 13 items in police blotter. Two are at the house difficult child was staying at.

    He sure can pick 'em.....
  11. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Way to stay strong. I hope u are able to rest.
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    There are Warrior Moms...and then...there are WARRIOR MOMS! You are all caps. Sending my most supportive thoughts and prayers. DDD
  13. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just sending a big virtual hug.


  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    AG I read your post yesterday and was not in a good frame of mind to respond but now I want to tell you that you are amazing and I don't know how you stay so strong. The stories that he is telling you are crazy. He is spiraling down quickly but maybe that's good, he will hit bottom before too long and maybe get back into treatment. You must have nerves of steel to be able to withstand all that he shoves at you.

    What kind of police activity is going on at this house?

  15. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Assault and assault with a deadly weapon from the paper.

    He claims the PD are trying to get him to look in a safe there and make sure there is a certain video(s). then they will get search warrant. difficult child says he has the key to safe but cannot find safe. says they make child porn there.

    i'd blow it all off except for the fact the officer refused to simply park his car by the curb while difficult child went in and got his stuff...said...he cannot interfere with pending investigation. Later, after difficult child left and i was talking to all the officers in my yard, one made a comment about that house being a problem or something like that.

    dunno who to ever believe anymore.
  16. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    Thinking of you during this difficult time.
  17. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Ag-you just continue to handle things very well. Please sleep. Please keep those sponsors close. I hope he gets the mental health support he needs. I am so sorry for this stress and hope that at some point there is some moment of joy for you. ((Hugs))
  18. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member


    I read your post through a few times, as I teared up each time ... somewhat reliving what we went through with our difficult child. Some of what you wrote was so similar to some of the dark days we went through that it had me sobbing just remembering. It's so hard when they are totally out of control and you don't know what or who to believe as the lies just pile up one after another. When they are scared and/or coming down off a high, it's like they will agree to almost anything. I don't know the whole history, but it does sound like a compilation of things. With my son, the escalation of what he was doing (alcohol, then pot, then crack cocaine) escalated the paranoia and the mood swings and out of control behavior.

    We also had police come into our yard and our home, as we had called them to come arrest our son, who was being held by his arms by my husband and my older son, and difficult child had a razor blade in his hand threateing to harm himself if we had him arrested. We had no choice and I snuck outside the house with a cell phone so he couldn't hear me call the police. They came and took him and he was placed on a 72 hour hold.

    When things are so bad with our addict difficult child's, it's the trying to get them to realize how bad things are and to accept help that is so difficult. It's gut wrenching to see your child so out of control.

    It sounds like your son is trying to call the shots (as my son often did) of where he will and will not go for treatment. My heart goes out to you as you navigate through trying to stay detached enough and yet, wanting him to get the help he obviously needs.

    Sending strength and hugs,
  19. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well if the police are watching this house and asking your son to help I hope they are also providing him protection.