This Is The Problem

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Apr 9, 2013.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    difficult child has his first appointment with the new therapist tonight. I'm making dinner when he comes into the kitchen ands says, " I do NOT want her to know what I did," referring to the night he picked up the knife a d threatened suicide. Because I'm trying to be honest with him I told him that I had spoken to her several times on the phone and that she knows about it.

    Now, while he didn't have a complete screaming meme of a meltdown, which I suppose is progress, he got very angry and said that he wouldn't go see her. I had no right to tell her something "personal and private" about him. I told him that if he chose not to go, there was very little I could do about it, but then he could go to his room a d sit on his bed with no privileges. He finally relented and said he would go, but that the new therapist needed to know that "we" don't want to discuss it. I told him, "Not 'we'. You!"

    And this is why, no matter who difficult child sees, he is only going to get so far. He refuses to acknowledge his behaviors and the choices that he makes. Does anyone else deal with this? What do you do about it?
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It's why we never got anywhere with tdocs. difficult child got to the point of never really trusting anybody.

    Basically... husband and I have had to give ourselves a crash course in counselling... and we've done it ALL ourselves. We're on duty 24/7, no respite, no family to back us... 24/7, for 12 years running... but it's the only thing that has worked for us. We've managed to re-gain his trust... but no therapist could have.
  3. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    difficult child 1 used to have that type of issue. His feeling was that "what's done is done and over so why keep dredging it up". therapist's don't work for difficult child 1 so we never had that issue but for his other services, I simply explained over and over WHY the situation bothered/scared ME and that it was their job to help keep it from happening again. He didn't like hearing about it much less talking about it but he realized I wasn't going to give in so he learned to deal with it. Because difficult child 1 is on the spectrum, realizing how his actions affect others and seeing others' points of view are things we are still teaching and working on.

    Hope it goes well.
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    In other had I think it is natural. Let's face it, I wouldn't be thrilled to go to therapist to whom I know someone has told their version of sensitive incident and who I would think would be working for them, not me. It would be very difficult to trust a therapist in those circumstances and building trust would certainly take time. We are currently in marital counselling. If I felt our counsellor would work for husband and husband would tell the therapist beforehand 'what really happened' and I would know that would be considered the objective truth in counselling, I certainly wouldn't be to co-operative. Not the same thing of course, but feelings are very likely similar.

    He is difficult child, it is likely he feels that whole world is against him and therapist will be just your tool to try to enforce what you want out of him. And in some ways he does have a point. But I'm sure therapist who works with kids, and especially teens, have had that problem with most of their clients and have ways to work through it and build trust and make a kid believe therapist is not just kid's parent's puppet but actually works for kid's own benefit.
  5. IT1967

    IT1967 Member

    My guess is he's embarrassed about it. I hope it goes okay for him!
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Tdocs never helped us...we tried several times. He needed different strategies to learn how to work on insight and behaviors. Analyzing events didn't teach w new skills so? But he does the same, it's over so tomorrows a new day. Actually, that has worked better for us.
  7. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    He went, and it was mostly a "getting to know you" type of session, which is what I told him it would be. He admitted that he liked her and that she seemed really nice. He agreed to make an appointment to go back next week and see her.
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

  9. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I'm glad that he is willing to give it a chance. Still trying to get difficult child to. I am actually seeing her therapist. Figure if she isn't going to go, I can at least get some insight into why she does the things she does, and change my parenting style.