I can hear the pain in your message. I am sorry that your heart has been so brutally beaten up the last year or so. You totally are right to focus on YOU right now. If you are not healthy as much as possible, and adapting and coping as much as you can, you will end up miserable.
I am sure that your father would come in and comment on the amazing and beautiful remodel. He would be proud that you figured out what you would need and took steps to make it happen. He would be proud that you are doing what you can to take care of yourself and not let the tweedles, the "system" or anything else take your sense of self away. I know the rest of your family, the one you were born into, the one you have here on the board, and all the other people you have taken into your heart in your life - ALL of us who love you are PROUD of you, AMAZED at the love and care you give to both of the tweedles and husband and all of us and yourself.
I don't know what the future holds for the most part. I DO know that we will always love you. Period. No exceptions, but, or qualifications. We love you. We support you. We know this is wrong.
Do whatever you need to. Worry about all the other stuff later.
gentle hugs. much love.
Susie