To the warrior moms and dads..

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Quicksand, Dec 24, 2015.

  1. Quicksand

    Quicksand Member

    I'm thinking of you guys on this Christmas Eve. As my son is out there, out of contact with his family- as many of you have the same-I know this leaves a hole in the heart, that, I guess only prayers can help heal. I hope you all can see your blessings as I'm trying to do. We aren't alone, we have each other and the family that is with us. I've given my son to God and praying he keeps him safe. I hope each of you can find some peace and joy and comfort. Your kind words and wisdom have saved me throughout this trial,and my hope is to be able to pay it forward this coming new year. Merry Christmas.
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  2. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Sending prayers up to all of our warrior moms and dads, to those children with us, and those on their journey, may Akua grant us peace and joy, acceptance of what is, and a pathway lit with stars and hope for us all to find our meaning, and live life to the fullest, no matter what the future holds......Thank you Quicksand, we are not alone, your heartfelt words are truly comforting.
    God bless us, each and every one.
    Mele Kalikimaka, Hau'oli Makahiki Hou.

  3. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    It helped me Quicksand, when we did not know where our son was and were going to have a houseful for the holidays, to set a placesetting for him in my bedroom where no one would see. It seemed wrong to proceed with the holidays as though his absence was not important. It seemed equally wrong to ignore that his face was not one of the faces at our holiday table. Setting a place for him at the table didn't feel right, either. So, I set the place for him in my room and was able to ~ I don't know, really. It comforted me to do that. It was very hard for me to celebrate without him there, like what was happening to all of us didn't matter. But at the same time, it was Christmas, a time of celebration and gratitude for all that we did have. In setting that place for him in my bedroom, I was caring for him, in the sense that he was not forgotten, while no one else was made uncomfortable by an empty place setting.

    It made me very strong, to do that secret thing.

    Another thing that helped me was to light a candle for my son after everyone had gone home. It mattered to me, to do that. Knowing I had set the place setting, and knowing I would light the candle for him gave me a way to know what to do with my feelings, which were so confused and kept popping out of me at the most inopportune times. These simple things that I did for him made it possible for me to come through the dinner and all the sweet things that do happen at the holidays without breaking down over the one who was missing.

    That was many years ago, and our son is doing well, now. But I still have those electric candles burning in my windows, symbolically lighting the way home for other kids who aren't with their families during the holidays. I still love to put them out, and it comforts me in some lonely place that still grieves for the pain of those years, to think about the other mothers, lighting candles for their children, too.

    Another thing that helps me very much, even now, is something President Obama said at the State of the Union address. He was quoting a young mother who had described her family in this way:

    "We are a strong, tightly knit family who has made it through some very hard times."

    I love this way of seeing our families as strong, as loving and vitally present to one another in the face of whatever comes and no matter what it looks like.

    I will think of your son tonight too, when I light the candles in my windows.

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  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Thank you Quicksand.

    I had thought my son was homeless in Oregon. He called me just now to say he is back a few hours from me, and settled in a new situation. He was upbeat and with his loyal friend. He wished me merry christmas and was happy we were going to M's family for christmas eve. I feel so grateful to know that he is safe, with a friend.

    There is of course the undercurrent of fear....for all of the things that do not enter on his radar, that are important to me, and for his preoccupations that I feel are destructive.

    I try to tell myself, and him that all of this is what a life is about. Learning how to live. And that all of us are doing the same thing, if we are blessed. Learning how to live. It is when we stop engaging in a way that stops learning, is when we are in trouble. Not how we live, per se.

    If that makes any sense.

    It is so consoling that we are all together here. I feel blessed in that.

    Quicksand, there are still almost 2 whole days for your son to make contact for Christmas. Maybe he will. Many of us have lived through holidays without our children. Like you. The love is always there. The important thing. Your son knows that. He always remembers. At the moment you remember him, he is there. He knows that.

    Merry Christmas, Quicksand, and all.

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  5. defiantchild

    defiantchild Member

    Hi Copa,

    I am so very happy for you that your son called home. I know you weren't expecting it and that's what makes it all the more wonderful. May this year bring you peace and serenity...
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