tug of war with difficult child, getting old fast

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sweetiegirlz, Oct 21, 2007.

  1. sweetiegirlz

    sweetiegirlz New Member

    Just blowing off steam. I'm up earlier than usual after working nights. Because it is the weekend, difficult child is her usual, "my routine is interrupted, so I'll bug the :censored2: out of mom" self.

    fully taking advantage of me sleeping days, by trashing the house and then leaving. Her and easy child come in here just to eat snacks and then take off leaving everything OPENED out on the counter,even perishables.

    backpacks, shoes, papers, trash, foodwrappers EVERYWHERE. They're still entertaining their friends outside on the balcony on the steps etc, then when I get up I'm still wearing something I slept in and the friends get to see me,because difficult child makes an excuse to come back in the house and then the friends are at the door gawking, because difficult child leaves it wide open! *yay* (((sarcasm))).

    So much for the no friends in the house rule, am I gonna have to make a "no friends within 50 feet of the door rule now?

    She knows zero about "consideration" for people.

    When I made them come in and clean up their mess,she'd pick up one thing. then go and instigate some argument with easy child who WAS cleaning up.

    Then she'd sit on the floor, talking with me, pick up one thing, and start an argument with me.

    Then she'd play with her hamster, argue some more about cleaning.... you get the idea. It was like she couldn't focus on one thing or didn't want to!

    difficult child was soooo snotty I had to call her dad (we're divorced and he lives in another state) to tighten her little azz up. She lies to him about being uncooperative and snotty to me, but at least she did what I said after speaking with him.

    wow only 2 weeks until her appointment with the Child psychiatrist.

    I cannot stand to be in this constant tug of war with her.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    She's 11? I'm assuming her friends come over because they live in the neighborhood and they walk over, right?

    If your difficult child doesn't pick up her wrappers, have her friends come in the house and pick them up for her. My difficult child would be mortified. I have no qualms about using peer pressure that way.

    Also, we have a rule (the child psychiatric came up with-it) that any junk on the floor becomes ours, forever. That means if you're picking up used wrappers, and find a perfectly good pr of pants or bracelet, and you pick that up, too, difficult child loses it. Tough.

    In regard to sleeping, I've put a sign over the doorbell (I had it in the middle of the door but that wasn't good enough, so I had to actually tape over the doorbell) that said, "Please do not ring b4 9 a.m." Then I told ea child about the rule when I saw them individually. I also told their parents. And most importantly, I told difficult child, with-the stipulation that he could go to their houses if he wanted to, but friends could not come here until I was good and ready.
    The very few times he broke the rule, I walked right up in my PJs (evidently I'm less modest than you, LOL! but frankly, the "costume" helps drive the point home) and told the kids they'd awakened me and they had to leave. They all felt really badly. (Except difficult child, who was embarrassed by me, but not by his own actions. But it achieved the same results--the kids left.)

    The funny thing is, all the other parents started to do the same thing! They didn't put notes on the doorbell, but if difficult child came over too early, they'd just send him back out and tell him not to come back for 3 hrs., like that was a novel idea or something, LOL! It's actually very logical.
    I guess they just needed one parent to be bold enough to actually send their kids away b4 they knew it was okay to send mine away.
    Hey, it's MY HOUSE! That's the bottom line.

    If difficult child melts down later and accuses me of embarrassing him in front of his friends, he's grounded for the next day or so.

    Good luck!
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    If it was me, I'd start wearing the tackiest, ugliest sleeping clothes I could find. Before I left my bedroom, I'd make sure I had the ultimate bedhead. If I had the time and energy, I'd put on a face mask. I would then go to the door and tell the kids they needed to help clean up the messes my kids made since it was obvious they shared in these treats. At 11, that should be enough to insure friends were not over until mom was presentable.
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    At her age I would be on the phone to the other kids' parents and letting them know that they're not to be hanging out at your house (on the stoop or deck or wherever!) when you are not there and awake to supervise or haven't made arrangements with the other parent in advance. difficult child is too busy entertaining to clean up after herself. Maybe difficult child could work up to having one friend over once or twice a week if she can not only clean up after herself, but pitch in on the house too. Eleven is plenty old enough to load the dishwasher and wipe the counters, or do a load of towels (something that's easy to fold up afterwards). She's not a guest in your house, she's a part of the family. Family pitches in.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is perfect!