klmno
Active Member
difficult child called last night and he was in the "blame mom" mood. He seemed to be saying that if I don't have things straightened out financially when he's released, then he isn't going to be happy. I don't like it either, but what happened to kids that would preefer to be home even if money is tight? He is blaming me for all of it- never mind his restitution, court cases, staying home from school, etc. Then he said "if he'd known that if I couldn't make things be the way they used to be when he gets out, he might have chosen to go to foster care instead of accepting a Department of Juvenile Justice sentence". (I could still strangle {figure of speach ONLY} the PO and GAL for telling him this sentence was my fault.) We agreed to talk more about this at visitation. I'd prefer to be covering it in family therapy, but as difficult child figured out, Lord only knows when/if that will ever start.
I asked him why he wanted to come home so bad if he felt the way he did. That frustrated him more, of course. But really, he seemed to have this attitude that he was going to be he** to deal with if I couldn't give him the lifestyle he used to have. Well, he can forget that. The parole officer is expecting him to start looking for a job the first summer he's home and difficult child needs to realize, his childhood is over. And it isn't my fault- I can't get it back for him.
Also, now he says he needs medications and doesn't want to try coming off them while he's in there because if he "loses it", he could end up with a longer sentence or other guys making his life miserable. I see his point, however, if he doesn't try it now, he'll either be on medications all his life or have to try coming off them out in the community while he's subject to be sentneced right back into incarceration. He said they should have tried this while he was in a psychiatric hospital. I agree, but I couldn't make that happen. He says that I could. How do I reason with him if he won't believe me?
They are actually doing some testing for his IEP re-evaluation and apparently, it's a lot more than he'd get in his home sd. They have a high;y educated school psychiatric instead of a "ed spec" like the regular sd so I guess that's why this is a lot more thorough. She called this morning and I can tell that her attitude is to reveal some things abouit difficult child, not try to get the sd out of providing anything. That's good-- the "counselor" assigned to difficult child at the Department of Juvenile Justice school did not seem to get it at all. I don't know what kind of counselor she is though. It wasn't the guidance counselor.
My mom- well, I used to think the biggest problems were that she is remarkably self-centered and completely unable to consider others' feelings and somewhat hard of hearing. But I have emailed her and updated her twice about difficult child, the bare basics- no details, and she emails back sayuing "I'm happy to hear XYZ" or whatever, but I didn't say "XYZ", I said "ABC". She is highly educated, although as an older adult and her friend helped her accomplish that educational work. I'm starting to think she really has some sort of learning disability, not just a personality problem. She has anxiety/panic problems but I think something else must be wrong.
This also made me aware that in the past, when difficult child would show attitude or say certain things, I would wonder if he's delusional because I think I subconsciously was concerned that he was like my mother and had an inability to add things up better, in a seemingly more rational way. I wonder if I jumped the gun on that and how much is difficult child's immaturity or "blame game" and how much is something he can't help. I hope the profs involved now can answer some of those questions. I guess all of us warrior moms battle that though.
Thanks for reading!
I asked him why he wanted to come home so bad if he felt the way he did. That frustrated him more, of course. But really, he seemed to have this attitude that he was going to be he** to deal with if I couldn't give him the lifestyle he used to have. Well, he can forget that. The parole officer is expecting him to start looking for a job the first summer he's home and difficult child needs to realize, his childhood is over. And it isn't my fault- I can't get it back for him.
Also, now he says he needs medications and doesn't want to try coming off them while he's in there because if he "loses it", he could end up with a longer sentence or other guys making his life miserable. I see his point, however, if he doesn't try it now, he'll either be on medications all his life or have to try coming off them out in the community while he's subject to be sentneced right back into incarceration. He said they should have tried this while he was in a psychiatric hospital. I agree, but I couldn't make that happen. He says that I could. How do I reason with him if he won't believe me?
They are actually doing some testing for his IEP re-evaluation and apparently, it's a lot more than he'd get in his home sd. They have a high;y educated school psychiatric instead of a "ed spec" like the regular sd so I guess that's why this is a lot more thorough. She called this morning and I can tell that her attitude is to reveal some things abouit difficult child, not try to get the sd out of providing anything. That's good-- the "counselor" assigned to difficult child at the Department of Juvenile Justice school did not seem to get it at all. I don't know what kind of counselor she is though. It wasn't the guidance counselor.
My mom- well, I used to think the biggest problems were that she is remarkably self-centered and completely unable to consider others' feelings and somewhat hard of hearing. But I have emailed her and updated her twice about difficult child, the bare basics- no details, and she emails back sayuing "I'm happy to hear XYZ" or whatever, but I didn't say "XYZ", I said "ABC". She is highly educated, although as an older adult and her friend helped her accomplish that educational work. I'm starting to think she really has some sort of learning disability, not just a personality problem. She has anxiety/panic problems but I think something else must be wrong.
This also made me aware that in the past, when difficult child would show attitude or say certain things, I would wonder if he's delusional because I think I subconsciously was concerned that he was like my mother and had an inability to add things up better, in a seemingly more rational way. I wonder if I jumped the gun on that and how much is difficult child's immaturity or "blame game" and how much is something he can't help. I hope the profs involved now can answer some of those questions. I guess all of us warrior moms battle that though.
Thanks for reading!
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