Update on my crazy life

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Jun 19, 2012.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hi all,

    Well hopefully I have caught up with all of you... been thinking about the board but have not been able to read or post.

    Anyway I flew out to CA last week to meet my son. I was both looking forward to seeing him and feeling quite a bit of trepidation to be doing this alone, without my husband. I was worried that my son would push the limits in some major difficult child way... ie wanting to go to the bar, going out of the hotel room and staying out all night coming back drunk or something I hadnt even thought of!! None of that happened. We met at the airport, went to the hotel, walked to get him something to eat. Had a very relaxed companiable time... actually laughed some! Came back watched some comedy on TV and went to bed. He did leave the room to smoke a cig but was gone a short time, enough to smoke one cig.

    The shift in our relationship continued. It felt good and relaxed. The next morning we had breakfast and talked.... we had this long application to fill out for the new program. I told him I felt there was a shift in our relationshp and when did that happen..... thinking it was somewhere in one of these programs. He said I think it was when I was homeless... interesting. I think he is much less entitled than he used to be.

    Then I took him to the program, we met all the staff. It sounds and feels really good. The staff is pretty young which worries me but my son probably likes. I did go look them all up on their website and they do all have good credentials though. Maybe as I get older people look younger!!! Then I took him shopping as he only had a small backpack with a few clothes. Then I took him to the residence where he will be living and said goodbye. They were having an outing to dinner that night which I wanted him to be able to go to. On that last ride he was tense but he admitted he was anxious and so I knew it was his anxiety about meeting new people and not me personally.

    He did call me Sunday upset because he had been told of some rules he didn't understand and didn't like at all. They actually did not completely make sense and I had a strong feeling he was misunderstanding some of it. He was ready to bag the intense therapy part of the program and just do the residential piece, which is clearly not enough of what he needs. However he calmed down when I talked to him. I did not tkae a hard line but just told him things to think about. I basically took the role of supporting him to work it out. Now of course I haven't heard anything so I don't know what happened!!!! No news is good news though. And it is encouraging that he called me when he was getting heated up... hopefully that was enough so he didn't act out in some way.

    So all in all it was a good trip.... then I went to see a friend who is dying. That was pretty hard. Then I went to see my dad who is doing much much better than when I last saw him so that was good. I flew home last night.... fligth was delayed hours and i got home at 2am. Phew.

    Glad to be back.

  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TL what a week you have had! I don't think I could have done that by myself and I'm so glad the time spent with difficult child was peaceful. His no tliking the rules is exactly why he needs to be there, it's what gets him in trouble at every recovery place he has been in. I was at our parent meeting a few weeks ago and one of the addicts that comes told us that he had a very difficult time when he first went to the sober house. The sober house he is referring to is one of the best men's sober houses in the city. The director lives there and has been in recovery for years. He knows addiction and recovery. So this person was saying he couldn't understand some of the rules, they seemed dumb to him and so he just didn't want to follow them and wanted to push back. Finally after several weeks the director called him in and asked him why he thought the rules were in place and he said he didn't know. The director said it wasn't for him to understand, it was for him to stop fighting them and accept that was how it was just do it and in doing that he would begin his recovery. He said that day he turned it around and no longer tried to see what he could get away with and from that point on his recovery began to make sense.

    I don't know if your difficult child is like this or not, but so many of our difficult child's just want to fight every rule that there is and if they would just stop fighting they would find there life becomes so much more manageable. I hope he discovers this and goes with the program. If it is a well run program they know what they are doing and everything they ask them to do has a purpose.

    I'm sorry your friend is dying, that's very difficult for everyone and I'm sure you will miss her. Glad the visit with your dad went well.

  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    A difficult child that doesn't like rules? Unheard of . .

  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Unheard of? Not quite...
    I happen to have a difficult child who absolutely LOVES rules.
    ... as long as they are HIS rules. Of course.