Vacation planned but difficult child at home - what to do?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by HereWeGoAgain, Mar 22, 2007.

  1. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Our grown daughter is still living in our basement awaiting placement at a residential rehab -- has been home for three weeks now (after nearly a year out of control) and is doing rather well, seems to be in one of her periodic recovery stages, taking her medications, staying clean, trying to be responsible, and we are hoping (but with eyes wide open) that this time it will "take".

    Now, we have a problem: our long-planned trip back home to Oklahoma is looming. We are going to see our parents and our boys over Easter and the following week. Our sons have scheduled their vacations to meet us there. We haven't seen some of our family and friends in two or three years. Everyone has been so looking forward to this for a long time, especially our little granddaughter.

    So what are we going to do with difficult child? Increasingly it looks like there won't be a bed for her somewhere in the remaining two weeks before we are to leave. She can't handle 10 days on her own, but, frankly, we do not want to take her with us. In spite of the fact that she is trying right now, she can still often be difficult, and there are just a whole host of issues -- in short, even if she's being good the tension would just kill any enjoyment. I know you all know what I mean.

    There just don't seem to be any good options. It seems like we might have to cancel, but we sure don't want to ruin another vacation over her issues and add to our issues with her to boot.

    This sounds like one of those "yeah, but" games difficult child has laid on us before -- every potential solution has a "yeah, but" that ends up putting difficult child and her dramas center-stage. Thing is, I don't think she really wanted to put us on the spot, she genuinely is having trouble finding a placement.

    Anybody have any ideas?
  2. AliceLee

    AliceLee New Member

    Is there any responsible adult that might be willing to "housesit" for you? Last summer, when our difficult child was home, we asked husband's stepbrother to come over and housesit. He didn't keep tabs on difficult child, but was there to take care of the pets and to make sure our home didn't turn into "party central".
  3. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I would see if there is someone you can trust to come stay with her. I wouldn't bring her along if you know it will ruin your vacation. It isn't fair to any of you. How about postponing the trip for just a few weeks until you know where and when she is going, then you can go and enjoy it. You would miss Easter, but wouldn't it be better to miss Easter, go a little later and not have the stress of what is going on at home.

    Don't have any other good suggestions at this time. Sorry you are dealing with this.
  4. Loris

    Loris New Member

    I think if the timing was planned with so many people, I also would see if you can get someone to stay with her. I hope you find a workable solution.
  5. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    If she stayed with you for the vacation, it would ruin the fun, but if she stayed home(even with someone watching her) would the worrying be worth it?- (I don't know if you have anything to even be worried about)- but - that may ruin the fun. I personally would cancel if you would worry the whole time. If she is that much out of control, maybe you should wait. Visit everyone seperately when she goes into treatment. It's not ideal, but better than nothing. Also,who would housesit that could handle her?, without her taking advantage. Better safe than sorry.-Alyssa
  6. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place.

    Finding someone to housesit her and your property might be just as costly as bringing her.

    If you bring her, you can check your voicemail everyday and maybe a placement will come.

    Leaving her alone would be a huge no-no.

    Is there a relative she could stay with? One who could watch her all day? If not...then looks like either postponment, bringing her along, or a housesitter.

    {{{{sunny hugs}}}}...not much...but I certainly know how you feel.
  7. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Nomad had good luck recently with having a friend stay at their home with her difficult child. That would be my suggestion.

  8. Getting happier

    Getting happier New Member

    Cancel . Try to go a later date without her, even if some family members will not be there. You will have a good time.
  9. Jen

    Jen New Member

    Call it selfish, but dont give up your plans. Doint know the situation, but maybe a housesitter or a take the chances. The consquences will be his
  10. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    It is now moot -- she's got a bed. What a relief.