it's been 4 weeks now and to be honest i'm not quite sure if i can keep coping with all of this like this. I have no time for anything thru the week AT ALL. I'm locked in a bathroom right now to write this, temporarily till difficult child comes after me again to be with her. easy child is super needy lately as well, making comments saying how i don't care about her, etc. i'm trying to do my job, it's more demanding than i thought, i love it yet it's hard really hard some days i'm learning to balance it and these two kids and the 3 other kids 2 nights a week. difficult child's endless school refusal and a.m. anxiety, school making stupid choices ontop of it almost everyday lately making it so much harder. What I go thru every morning before i walk out the door is insane and i know you all know what i'm talking about and how school refusal can be one of the hardest issues to combat ea. day. so before i wlak out door to help other ppl i'm shaking most days by the time i get difficult child into the bldg. her endless issues at bedtime about this that and the other thing, her crying at the slighest things going on forever than two seconds later smiling and being nice again after attacking me verbally. She's attacking easy child each morning also because easy child has been here due to midterm week and later start each day. than throw in boyfriend's oldest issues and fact ex wont' bring her to therapy so now we have to figure out how to fit htat into our mon and wed with 5 kids and me walking in from work at 7 each night, and him and i now in counseling whichis the only thing seeming to work at thsi point. somethings' gotta give with this kid. it's been since pre k with the school refusal and i get her out almost everytime, but omg i can't do this every morning for the next how many years? no i really can't. my stress level is insane. my coping skills do not always work. easy child is literally flipping out lately about how difficult child's behaviors are. i'm not sure what the answer is, we need the money now so quitting isn't an option, getting difficult child ok i dont' think is ever going to happen this is who she is. i dont' know i just dont' get it. i'm feeling really done right now. my anxiety was so high this morinng after fighting with difficult child for two hours to get hr out door i almost threw up in truck with client in car with me. ok i'm done venting if anyoone made it down this long. there's gotta be a solution, yet i'm not increasing this medication again. difficult child is already busting out of her size 16 pants.