Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, May 23, 2014.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I know I don't post much these days. But work consumes much of my life.......both home and actual work......and it doesn't leave me much time for anything else.

    I realize that Katie is never going to change. I do. Most of the time I am fully detached and can handle it just fine. She is who she is and there is nothing I can do to help her. (heaven knows I've tried) But that doesn't mean that there aren't those times when I just want to slap her silly or shake her until her teeth fall out. These times are when her behavior (or lack thereof) effect the grandkids.

    Kayla will be 14 yrs old in about a week. She is a good kid at heart, truly. She is also a kid that has lived most of her childhood literally on the streets or in homeless shelters or in scummy cheap motels. Until the past 4 yrs nearly everything she "owned" was given to her by strangers and subject to abandonment every time they had to move on. Kids at school wanted little or nothing to do with her, there were of course those that tormented her. Her parents? One is a literal moron (I'm not being derogatory he truly is) and a bonafide pervert (proven) and the other is one of the laziest human beings I've ever seen....nor does she have any maternal connection with her kids. I'm being kind. I could go on and on with both parents but I'm not writing a book.

    Kayla blows off school. She is not failing (as far as I know) but is also is not really trying. Upon moving here and getting the first home she remembers she has managed to make friends, even if her situation has only changed by having the HUD housing. Up until this past year family has pretty much kept Katie's kids clothed and in school supplies. Kayla has her focus on belonging, not her future, not her education. Since I'm also friends with her on fb I get to see much of what she posts including photos of her with her friends. Not too happy about several, and I've told Mom about it. Her clothing is often inappropriate both for weather and age. She's trying too hard to fit some "image" she has in her head. Her friends? Dress like 13-14 yr old rural kids.....jeans, hoodies, baggy tee shirts or clothing that fits appropriately for their age group. Kayla wears too low cut tank tops in winter........and no coat. (although I bought her 2 and I'm not buying another)

    This is normal behavior but I worry Kayla due to her past is already taking it too far. Her social life is absolutely everything to her, nothing much else matters.

    Katie, my brilliant step daughter, has let my granddaughter go off with what amounts to total strangers and spent weekends and weeks at a time. Katie doesn't know their names. She has no phone number (doesn't matter most of the time Kayla either has the phone or it doesn't work) and has no frigging clue where they live. At best?? She meets them for 2 mins when they pick Kayla up or drop her off.

    And we all know about the one friends mother who was a convicted pedophile who hung herself when facing new charges. Even this did not change Katie's behavior with Kayla's social life.

    I am the Nana. I work 12hrs a day night shift 4 days a week. The rest of the time I work myself trying to get done everything else I have to do. But I still know who Kayla's friends are........but most importantly......I know where they live. Half the time I know what Kayla is doing when her mother hasn't a clue........because thankfully this IS a small town and most of her friends live within blocks of me and when I'm home I walk a lot and spot her out and about, whether she knows it or not. I also know more about the families than her mother. I've lived here for 20 yrs. Katie has been here 4. If I don't know them my kids do. Know what I mean??

    So Kayla is now getting into trouble at school. I don't know why except it involves mouthing off to a teacher. The rest is some bull crud story (and a rather lame one) she dreamed up for her mother. I told Katie to call the school. Well, she can't.......seems her phone again is broken. omg It's always broken, out of minutes or with Kayla. Of course the kid gets in trouble at school and tells her parents whatever she wants. School can't contact Katie and Katie can't contact the school.

    Seems Kayla's 13 yr old "friend" has popped up preggers. That statement is in quotes because due to the ridiculous story that went along with that revelation I'm not exactly sure if it is a friend or Kayla. If Kayla was feeling her mom out on the subject or if Katie was feeling me out on the subject. argh Kayla has been caught by me several times friending local 18 yr olds on her fb. Katie removed them and supposedly changed Kayla's password. The latter I doubt. I also had to inform her mother that she has a twitter and another social media accts and those also need to be checked. I'm not monitoring those. I don't have time to learn how to use 2 more media accts.

    Next year is the schools Washington Difficult Child trip for 8th graders. I told Katie that if Kayla could stay on the honor roll I would pay for the trip. I just needed the paperwork. (no I don't trust her and this is no small sum of money) I'm sure Kayla would love to go since most of her friends will go. I got squat......some stupid mumbo jumbo and excuses. Now I'm not stupid. I already had most of the info I needed before I made the offer. Katie was trying to get me to give her the funds. Uh, no. duh So that went into the crapper for now.

    Kayla wants to do track next year. I told Katie I'll foot the bill but I better see report cards. Anything falls below a b and she is done. (same rule I had with my kids, education is important sports aren't) But that isn't enough to motivate her. Once she realizes it takes a lot of physical work........and motivation because she's going to have to find rides to practice and meets......she's going to lose interest. I'm looking for alternatives.

    So my gorgeous soon to be 14 yr old granddaughter is out roaming with people her parents don't know, hanging out with kids they don't know, doing things they have no clue about........and she may or may not be pregnant. Oh, and according to Katie she has been caught multiple times trying to sneak off with a high school boy with the excuse of meeting friends. Yet we still let her roam.

    Lovely. Now you know why I want to slap Katie until her teeth fall out.

    Yes, it's a small town. It's also a major meth / heroine hub in the state. I can go to the sheriffs website and call up a long list of sexual offenders from pedophiles to rapist. It would be 20 times as long for addicts and dealers if not more. Our teen pregnancy rate is ridiculous and it's not uncommon to see a 12 yr old pregnant. I live at the start of the Appalachia people. Hillbillies DO exist and the stereotype is pretty dead on. Katie knows this. I've told her and I've shown her.

    I swear that if it turns out Kayla is the one who is preggers.........the whole family is going to cps. I don't know if it will do much good (we've recently had a few cases where it did due to gross neglect of parents) but by darn we'd do what we could. And I'd demand the baby be dna tested. Those of you that know the back story can guess why.

    I do what I can to monitor Kayla. My biggest fear is that she is going to turn up missing. Katie won't be able to tell the police a thing. Not who she is supposedly with or any contact info.......heck she'd probably not even know what the kid was wearing. Makes me want to rip out my hair.

    Nichole is planning to have Kayla a LOT this summer. I'm going to do my best to spend time with her too.

    I'm not even going to get started on the boys. holy moly!
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh gee. I have been wondering how things were going. I was meaning to post a "grandma's club" thread the other day. Can you actually believe it has been 8 years now since we had that onslaught of difficult child's having babies?

    This whole thing with Katie/Kayla is a recipe for disaster. I have seen too many situations around me with very similar things going on. One of our neighbors is now a 33 year old grandfather. I would have died. Heck, my mother was older than that when she had me!

    Parents should be smarter. I get that kids think they are invisible. I know I never thought anything bad could happen to me. I never gave my boys the freedom I had. I keep on them to be even more control of the grands. I recently got on to Cory because he left Nookie with one of his friends...alone. Uhh, I would never leave a 2 year old girl with an unrelated "friend" that you have only known a year or two. Sorry. I dont care if she likes him.

    I worry so much about what is to become of our grands. I do a whole lot of praying.