very worried and scared

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by forrainydays, Nov 9, 2012.

  1. forrainydays

    forrainydays New Member

    My son is 5 years old, his father and i have never been married and have not been together in almost 3 years. For the last 3 years he has been in and out of my life romantically up until about 6 months ago, when he decided he wanted to actually settle down with someone. We went to family court in Febuary of 2010 and he was given every other weekend visitation with additional visits at the mothers descretion and ordered to pay child support. He wanted to start taking my son for tuesday and weds over night visits in addition to his every other weekends, which i let him do, up untill this year when my son started school. At that time i told him that i think it best for our son to stay home during the week when he has school, but he can take him during winter breaks, summer break, or any other day he is off of school. It just was messing with my little 5 year olds schedual to be bouncing 60 miles in between every sday when he has school. So he got angry with me for enfourcing that, he got VERY angry. So now i had CPS knocking on my door and and attorney sending me papers that my sons father is trying to take my son from me. I know i have not done anything bad and would NEVER hurt my child. He does have some behavioral issues that i am working with a counsler for, but other then that my son is well cared for and not hurt in any way. However, i am a single mom and only make 30,000 a year, my ex's new girlfriend won 1 million dollars in a car accedint and is the one living mith my ex and paying for this whole thing. that i belive is the only thing that they have over me is they have more money then i do. Do they have any other leg to stand on then just having more money then me to actually take my son from me?? I'm at a loss and compleatly shocked that this has come to this between us. I dont even know which way to turn, so here i am hoping for some advise.
     
  2. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    No judge in his right mind is going to take away a child from his mother. You would have to be pretty abusive for any judge to award custody to the father. Money makes no difference at all whatsoever, so you can relax about that. As long as your son is fed and clothed properly then that is all that matters. It doesn't matter how big your house or apartment is or that you are a single parent. Your son is being well taken care of by you and that's all that matters. That being said, looks like you will need to hire an attorney regardless. The judge will look highly in your favor because your son has been living with you his entire life. He or she is not going to interrupt a stable loving home environment just because his father wants him on a whim. Don't worry, you totally got this. I have faith and call it intuition but I really think your ex doesn't have a leg to stand on.
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    However, depending on the state, ex can ask for and get more custody time, especially if he has a lawyer to fight for him. It is becoming common for 50/50 to happen if he is a decent father and has been a big part of his son's life.

    If he has a lawyer and you don't, I would try to get legal aid. It's not good to have to go to court alone. While it is very unlikely you will lose custody, you never know what a judge will do. My son is fighting now and gender isn't a big factor anymore...and nobody can know what a judge will decide. There are guidelines, but judges tend to make their own decisions.

    I would not go into the courtroom alone. Call legal aid.
    Another thing you can do is give in and let your ex take your son like he used to do and then make him responsible for getting his/your son to school on time. That may keep you out of court.
     
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    A decision would not be made I'm sure, just by who has more money....the important thing is that he has food, housing, clothing, a safe/loving home. If poor people lost their children there would be millions and millions of kids not living at home. And your income is not even low (I get it is not easy at that level though...I too am a single mom with an income that is not high enough to let you breathe easy but not low enough for any assistance)

    Sure, he could ask for more visiting time...he seems to live so far though that it would be unreasonable for a child to have to go to school from that far away. The whole child protection thing? I think a lot of judges lose their tempers and have little patience for people who obviously use the system to manipulate things. I hope you get a judge who can see thru that and I hope that it ends up biting him in the behind.

    We have members here who have had good judges who have done the right thing but the process along the way was clearly very very stressful. The bottom line is that the child is stuck in the middle and they will watch closely who has a child's best interest at heart. You have shown really good faith in your sharing of visits and are making a perfectly reasonable offer. I know there is no way to say dont worry...it is too huge an issue....but your ex sounds manipulative and emotionally abusive to you in doing this kind of thing and it reflects more on his poor character than anything in your life.

    HUGS, I have no advice except to listen to those who have been there, get advice and legal help if you possibly can, and just continue to be a great mom. People do say that documenting every single email, phone message, text message, including log anything he says or does so there is a long standing record is important.

    Keep on sharing and venting your anxiety here. I hope it helps you as much as these women help me.
     
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you were just enforcing what the judge had already ruled. It was every other weekend, and other times at your discretion.
    So, your ex is full of %*$*##.
    Also, a million dollars is not that much money if you've got a house, a car, and health care costs. I would hit him up for private school and private ed interventions in your district if he's lording it over you with-the money. ;) Since the money is a one-time settlement, they do not have that income every single yr. If they are spending it foolishly, it will go away quickly.

    Best of luck. I'd be spitting tacks. I hate it when these things turn bad.

    Do you have a lawyer?
     
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